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Old 01-29-2011, 10:23 PM
 
210 posts, read 631,903 times
Reputation: 250

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Some friends and I were discussing the best way to get over a failed relationship.

Several think that the best way to handle breaking up and getting over a relationship is to:

1. Realize that it's unsalvageable after having done everything to save it
2. Find a new partner
3. Then, officially break up with the old partner
4. Move into the new relationship

The advantage of this is not having to deal with all the heartache of post-break-up blues. The theory is that having done a lot of psychological preparation for the break up before it happens enables one to move on quite easily.


Others think that it's important to have a period alone after a break up for introspection and self care, so as not to carry emotional baggage into the next relationship.

What do you think is the best way to get over a relationship and move on?
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Old 01-29-2011, 10:49 PM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula
1,510 posts, read 1,469,170 times
Reputation: 2335
yikes, i think that is a terrible scenario. it does disservice to your new partner.

people break up for a variety of reasons. sometimes people just don't gell over time, some people break up because of religious differences, and some people break up because one or both of them are bats*%t crazy. people are often not very objective about their own behavior and relationships are only one of the ways for people to realize what their strengths and weaknesses are. if you have five partners in a row all saying that you have some serious hangups about widgets, at some point you will have to listen and go make peace with widgets. because the next partner you have could be "the one"- but he is a widgetmaker. you have to reconcile your demons and sometimes relationships are a road map to that. i think EVERYONE needs time to question themselves after the breakup of a long term relationship. if it was a six month thing, sure, maybe its ok to slide right on in to the next affair. but if it is a year or longer i think its really, really unhealthy to just hop on in. first off, its really unattractive. i would never date a guy who just went from one chick to the next. that to me smacks of someone who is not comfortable with themselves and needs a woman for a distraction. people should grow, take time out for reflection before they present themselves to the next one.

and if everyone just ran to some panacea to avoid the blues, we would all be drug addicts. pain can be healthy. it can lead to self assessment which is necessary to have dominion over yourself. there is nothing more pathetic than someone who has spent their life in entertainments and distractions and then can't stand to be alone.

there is also another term for it- REBOUND. we all know how THOSE turn out.
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Old 01-29-2011, 11:38 PM
 
29 posts, read 20,164 times
Reputation: 24
I think, it would be better if you'll just face it without using anyone or getting a rebound (although, it helps). I posted also a topic how to get over a bad break up? I'm very thankful to those who also replied to my post, they helped me to boost my self esteem.. I'm now in the process of moving on. I've lived 22 years in this world without that loser, so i guess, i can still live my life normally without him. I still have family and friends with me... so i got nothing to lose at all. But i'm still sad and i'm not okay yet... *Sigh*
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Old 01-30-2011, 07:04 PM
 
1,206 posts, read 1,433,647 times
Reputation: 1110
That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Yes offense.

btw. dont quit your day job for a career in "psychological theory"

Ok in an effort to make this not a troll post...

Best way to get over a relationship is to ride it out like you ride out someone dying. What do you do when someone dies, replace them? Of course not. You seek support from a strong social network including your friends and family. You comfort yourself with spirituality, self-esteem bolstering activities (ie. exercise, socializing, art), and religion. Usually putting yourself out there (but away from the dating scene) is the best way to get over ANYTHING. Shelling up and hiding may work for some, but for most it doesn't. If you want I will bust out the relevant research from reputable peer-reviewed journals. THAT IS THE REAL PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORY. Psychology is common sense backed by real research. Sorry if im harsh but its just tiring seeing people form ridiculous theories they learned from gossip girl or sex and the city and somehow ignore what has worked for humanity for centuries. You know that the bible actually has GREAT advice? and it was written super long ago and yet people today still act like things are a mystery. WOW

EDIT number 2:
No offense towards you mentat as it wasn't coming from you but your friends. Sorry bout that lol. Some things just blow my stack.

Last edited by imsh0t; 01-30-2011 at 07:20 PM..
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Old 01-30-2011, 07:05 PM
 
210 posts, read 631,903 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
...people are often not very objective about their own behavior and relationships are only one of the ways for people to realize what their strengths and weaknesses are.

... you have to reconcile your demons and sometimes relationships are a road map to that.

... pain can be healthy. it can lead to self assessment which is necessary to have dominion over yourself.

Excellent points.

Lack of self assessment reminds me of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
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Old 01-30-2011, 08:45 PM
 
1,496 posts, read 1,339,365 times
Reputation: 734
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mentat View Post
Some friends and I were discussing the best way to get over a failed relationship.

Several think that the best way to handle breaking up and getting over a relationship is to:

1. Realize that it's unsalvageable after having done everything to save it
2. Find a new partner
3. Then, officially break up with the old partner
4. Move into the new relationship

The advantage of this is not having to deal with all the heartache of post-break-up blues. The theory is that having done a lot of psychological preparation for the break up before it happens enables one to move on quite easily.


Others think that it's important to have a period alone after a break up for introspection and self care, so as not to carry emotional baggage into the next relationship.

What do you think is the best way to get over a relationship and move on?
they are good methods ,I think I will not wrong about handle breaking up
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Old 01-31-2011, 11:45 AM
 
9,717 posts, read 7,043,696 times
Reputation: 9788
I don't agree with finding a new partner before you've broken up with the one you already have, If I was the new partner THAT would be a big red flag for me that you don't take relationships seriously, also I think when you first break up you should definately take some time to reflect on what you may want or not want....or what you should change or not change in your next relationship, so there's more chance it might last.
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Old 01-31-2011, 11:46 AM
 
1,646 posts, read 1,298,373 times
Reputation: 853
Like the best way to stop smoking COLD TURKEY.

Just No contact and do some soul searching. Focus in yourself.
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