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This is an immigrant family, if I recall BigV saying it
The American viewpoint on deteriorating relationship may not apply here.
She's probably pissed off she is working her buns off and big boy comes home and watches TV, becoz he is the "sole" breadwinner, and is entitled to be the house's emperor.
Possibly. But telling him to wash his car? I never tell my husband what to do, and if he tried to tell me what to do he'd get the stinkeye. He knows it. We don't order one another around ... that's why we had kids.
And throwing her ring at him? She sounds like a harpy to me.
Possibly. But telling him to wash his car? I never tell my husband what to do, and if he tried to tell me what to do he'd get the stinkeye. He knows it. We don't order one another around ... that's why we had kids.
And throwing her ring at him? She sounds like a harpy to me.
There's his side, her side, and the truth, right?
Whee, I didn't catch that. But I pay 9 bucks and my car is clean. Do people live in a cave?
Do you have personal info about these two the rest of the forum readers don't have? I didn't see anything about a floor and building a workshop. Nor did I see any thing about her working, he said she was a stay at home mom. Are you talking about the same couple we have been discussing? Please don't tell me you are a newspaper reporter by occupation...
You need to either pay attention or go back to sleep.
I'm sure there was alot more going on after 27 years of marriage...living in a mobile home w/out any actual flooring while he built a two-story workshed...her working to pay bills while he worked to support his multitude of Harleys...etc etc etc... but, unstable she isn't, but I thank you for the complimentary thoughts anyway.
Koale
Well that just proves my point, there was a lot more going on than just him shaving his head. To say that's why she left makes her look crazy, when in reality it was the straw that broke the camels back.
even though I was thinning, I did not think I'll be as bald by 34 as I am today. We were married when I was 22-23 and she was 19-20.
Also, I did not have the same attitude about guns in my 20's as I do now. Though gun ownership is not the main issue right now (though it may become one after I grow my hair back).
In addition, I think the looks are subjective. I'm sure that if I were thinning and shaved the top of my head only, my wife would have told me that I look ridiculous. Now that the hair on the top is all gone naturally, I all of a sudden look good? If I look like a reflection in a car door, what does it matter if I'm shaved or not?
When I asked for the opinions of those around me, most say that i should keep it shaved, though some say let the hair grow out a bit.
Thanks for all your comments. Unfortunately, the responses here mimic those in the real world. Ranging from no, to yes.
I have to wonder if there is room for compromise... could you not cut your hair pretty short, but still have SOME hair? I wonder if that would be an acceptable compromise. Ultimately, it is your decision. It's your hair. But here's one thing I want you to consider: if you absolutely HATED the hairstyle she chose, would you want her to give your opinion some weight? What if she wanted to shave her head too? What if she wanted a super short un-sexy style that you hated looking at? Ultimately that would be her decision too, but I think if we ideally want to look attractive for our mates, it's nice to take their opinions into consideration. I prefer my hair short but my husband likes it long. He just does. I wear it medium length as a compromise. It's not a huge inconvenience and I think you could find something similar by cutting the sides and back short but not shaving it completely.
I also have to question if part of the issue here is less about each little topic (which alone sound petty on both your parts) and more about control and respect for your partner in your home. I read from your postings that she feels like she has little control. You control the money. She stays home with the kids. You basically don't contribute to the housework at all, right? You have to understand that just isn't normal any more. She can try to do housework during the day, but if she's watching the kids, messes will get made. When you are both home, you are BOTH responsible for housework, so you will likely need to be doing 30 minutes at night (kids create mess) and an hour or two on the weekends. It sucks, but it's what everyone does in life. Sitting around like the emperor on your throne has to get tiresome for her. You need to contribute too.
It also seems that you're disrespectful of what she does. She doesn't want you to work out. Of course not. You working out means more time away from home (where she must watch the kid) and more laundry for her to do. Chances are if you approached it where YOU did all the laundry and gave her a few hours every weekend (equal to how many hours you spend working out) to go out alone and relax, it would be more workable.
Couples change over time, it's true. So it's possible that this gun interest is new for you. However it's not right to try to change the deal (especially on such a hot issue) without your partner's agreement. She has a right to feel how she feels and you went into the marriage without any firearms in her home. Bullying her into it is the mark of a jerk. Try to respect your wife more, be a partner around the house instead of a loaf who expects to be served. See if it doesn't make some of the other issues easier.
I have to wonder if there is room for compromise... could you not cut your hair pretty short, but still have SOME hair? I wonder if that would be an acceptable compromise. Ultimately, it is your decision. It's your hair. But here's one thing I want you to consider: if you absolutely HATED the hairstyle she chose, would you want her to give your opinion some weight? What if she wanted to shave her head too? What if she wanted a super short un-sexy style that you hated looking at? Ultimately that would be her decision too, but I think if we ideally want to look attractive for our mates, it's nice to take their opinions into consideration. I prefer my hair short but my husband likes it long. He just does. I wear it medium length as a compromise. It's not a huge inconvenience and I think you could find something similar by cutting the sides and back short but not shaving it completely.
I also have to question if part of the issue here is less about each little topic (which alone sound petty on both your parts) and more about control and respect for your partner in your home. I read from your postings that she feels like she has little control. You control the money. She stays home with the kids. You basically don't contribute to the housework at all, right? You have to understand that just isn't normal any more. She can try to do housework during the day, but if she's watching the kids, messes will get made. When you are both home, you are BOTH responsible for housework, so you will likely need to be doing 30 minutes at night (kids create mess) and an hour or two on the weekends. It sucks, but it's what everyone does in life. Sitting around like the emperor on your throne has to get tiresome for her. You need to contribute too.
It also seems that you're disrespectful of what she does. She doesn't want you to work out. Of course not. You working out means more time away from home (where she must watch the kid) and more laundry for her to do. Chances are if you approached it where YOU did all the laundry and gave her a few hours every weekend (equal to how many hours you spend working out) to go out alone and relax, it would be more workable.
Couples change over time, it's true. So it's possible that this gun interest is new for you. However it's not right to try to change the deal (especially on such a hot issue) without your partner's agreement. She has a right to feel how she feels and you went into the marriage without any firearms in her home. Bullying her into it is the mark of a jerk. Try to respect your wife more, be a partner around the house instead of a loaf who expects to be served. See if it doesn't make some of the other issues easier.
one little correction. Though I bring home the bacon, my wife has equal control of the finances (i.e we share the same bank account, have the same credit and debit cards. She has a car that she could use and I have a car).
So, I don't think I restrain her in any way. I agree that my wife feels overwhelmed, but I feel like she is near the OCD cleanniness side. I mean, our house is super clean every day and every night. If anyone were to show up at our house unexpectedly, unless wife was cooking, it would look like they were expected by the way the house looks.
So, the help that my wife wants, in my opinion, is to support her (i.e. shower has to be wiped dry after use, etc...). And I feel these things are not something that most people are doing.
Though, in retrospect, I recall that my wife's siblings (3 brothers and 1 sister) were half jokingly complaining about how harsh she was with them, making them put away their socks in their place, assigning cleaning chores for them, etc...
So, I'd say my wife is more controlling than me and I'm more of a passive person. I like not to be disturbed much (no doubt due to my own issues).
I get your point about compromise. But it's hard to compromise when wife is not talking :-)
I renewed health club membership for the next year... she became visibly upset and quiet. When I shaved... that did it. She warned that If I bring a gun in the house, that will be it.
A friend of mine and his wife have an issue that they both could compromise. Like my wife, his is anti-gun. But his wife wants a puppy and my friend is anti-dog-in-the-house. His wife offered a compromise - you get the gun and I'll get the dog. They don't have a gun or a dog.
There is nothing that my wife wants that she does not have, so I don't have a good bargaining chip.
should I shave my head if my wife is not okay with it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koale
You need to either pay attention or go back to sleep.
I was thinking the same thing about you. That alone probably won't help much from the looks of things...
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yo...
should I shave my head if my wife is not okay with it?
