Anyone Ever Been a Victim of Stalking or Know Anyone Who Has? (boyfriends, married)

[Jefetio]

I have been a victim of stalking but I can't offer any advice, sorry. I also don't wish to share my story lol... think of the guy in the movie walking away from the explosion. Does he look back? hell no

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by CarolVa1977

where is the term stalking used lightly in your opinion?

It seems like a lot of people (women especially) who are under 30 use "stalker" as a general term for a guy who shows interest in them that isn't reciprocated, or who calls/contacts them more than they'd like.

For instance...

- A guy comes and chats a girl up at a bar. She's polite, but not interested in him, and "goes to chat with her friends." Ten minutes later, while she's on the floor, he comes up and starts dancing with her, and then asks for her number. She writes down a fake number, says that it's her friend's birthday and she needs to pay attention to her, so he says "okay" and goes back to hanging out with his friends. Later, he waves goodbye to her as she leaves. As they walk to the car, she says, "Oh my god, did you see that guy stalking me?"

- A girl starts her new classes for the semester and there's a guy in it who she gets paired up with the first day. He's cute, but she feels no "spark" and isn't interested in anything more than a platonic friendship. They exchange numbers and say something about maybe meeting up to study in a couple days. The next day, he calls in the afternoon, and she doesn't get the call. He leaves a message. He then calls later in the evening and doesn't leave a message, but she sees that he called. She's busy, so she doesn't call back. Early afternoon the next day, he sends a text: "Hey u want 2 meet up 2 study today?" When she grabs lunch with her friends later, she tells them all about her "new stalker," and her friends agree that 2 calls and a text within 24 hours is "really creepy" and "he's totally a stalker."

- There's a guy at work who lightly flirts with a girl - he's never asked her out and is never lecherous or anything, but he always likes to sit near her and chat her up. However, he's kind of dull and they share no interests, so she isn't interested in dating him. He's sat near her and mentioned the football game, how dull it is in accounts receivable, and his upcoming trip to New York with a few buddies. After work, she goes to Target to buy some general housewares and as she's walking down the aisle, passes the guy from work, who makes eye contact, smiles, and says, "Hey, Claire! How are you?" A bit unnerved, she says, "Good," and he answers, "Cool! See you on Monday," and keeps on walking. She goes home, logs into her Facebook, and posts on her wall that "OMG i have a stalker at work! uuuuugh so creepy "

In none of these situations have the guys really done anything abnormal in terms of socializing, and in the second example, it's not even clear if he's actually romantically inclined towards the gal in question. The other two are guilty, at worst, of just not getting a clue.

It's like how in the late 90's-early 00's, "rape" was being thrown around with reckless abandon by a lot of young women (who were of the same age group that now throw around the word "stalker"). Being on a bus with a guy whom you had no attraction to who was caught looking at you, or walking down a street and having a guy twenty feet behind you who also walked around the corner meant that a creep was trying to rape you.

I don't like when people do this because it cheapens the term to people who have actually been real, bona-fide victims of stalking or sexual assault. If any of the overreactive, sensitive ninnies who threw these words around with such abandon were actually the victim of either (god forbid), they'd probably jump off a bridge They've got no clue how their use of the word demeans a woman who's been raped or anyone who's been stalked.

[CarolVa1977]

415_s2k my stalker was like you describe the situation at work, except that it lasted 9 months. 9 months of staring, innapropriate comments, and basically (I do not know how to tell you this) fear.

After 9 months , a normal man would say "Jeez I am making this woman SO UNCOMFORTABLE SHE AVOIDS EYE CONTACT WITH ME, maybe she is not interested"

WOmen and men, but mostly women, we do have intuition. I have goofy coworkers now. And none of them make me feel "eye raped" like that guy. I am sorry, but when you get 600 (yes I count them and went to to the PD with my cell phone records) hang ups on your cell from a blocked number, I am going to say that is a little excesive.

Most men back up after one or two rebuffs. Not this one. It took over a year.

I do not care what people think, I go with my gut. I never second guess my intuition. The guy was not ok. I am happy I left that place. He make the hairs of my back stand

Sorry if it is not "fair" or PC. To me, following me to the Metro (which I hate) after changing clothes in the office is stalking. Nothing personal.

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by CarolVa1977

415_s2k my stalker was like you describe the situation at work, except that it lasted 9 months. 9 months of staring, innapropriate comments, and basically (I do not know how to tell you this) fear.

After 9 months , a normal man would say "Jeez I am making this woman SO UNCOMFORTABLE SHE AVOIDS EYE CONTACT WITH ME, maybe she is not interested"

WOmen and men, but mostly women, we do have intuition. I have goofy coworkers now. And none of them make me feel "eye raped" like that guy. I am sorry, but when you get 600 (yes I count them and went to to the PD with my cell phone records) hang ups on your cell from a blocked number, I am going to say that is a little excesive.

Most men back up after one or two rebuffs. Not this one. It took over a year.

I do not care what people think, I go with my gut. I never second guess my intuition. The guy was not ok. I am happy I left that place. He make the hairs of my back stand

Sorry if it is not "fair" or PC. To me, following me to the Metro (which I hate) after changing clothes in the office is stalking. Nothing personal.

Why would I take anything personal? I'm not a stalker or anything like the guy you describe

Also, the above examples were of women overreacting, not being stalked... yours differs greatly.

[OngletNYC]

I've been stalked, and I mean REALLY stalked. He followed me around town, would sit in the dark watching my house... I got a restraining order after he broke into my house and left a large pile of excrement on the floor and under my pillow. The police were very blunt about the fact that if he is truly crazy, the restraining order will do nothing. I had him arrested for breaking the order by following me to my car, a confrontation which ended in him violently kicking my car. I moved to a new city, quietly left at 3 am when he kept things up, because I was worried that he would kill me. And the cops agreed that my doing so was not an over reaction.

[CarolVa1977]

Originally Posted by 415_s2k

Why would I take anything personal? I'm not a stalker or anything like the guy you describe

Also, the above examples were of women overreacting, not being stalked... yours differs greatly.

It is just that even in my case some people still told me my fears were irrational.

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by CarolVa1977

It is just that even in my case some people still told me my fears were irrational.

Those examples were all made up. Quit being afraid for a moment and assume that there is absolutely nothing more to these guys than what's described. Not every guy out there who pays attention to you in a way you weren't particularly looking for once or twice is like your old coworker! In those examples, the women overreacted by deciding that a guy was a "stalker" when they weren't.

If someone refuses to stop a behaviour when they're asked and then it escalates to things like calling a few hundred times, then something IS wrong and anyone who would tell you that you have no basis to be afraid is nuts.

[CarolVa1977]

Originally Posted by 415_s2k

Those examples were all made up. Quite being afraid for a moment and assume that there is absolutely nothing more to these guys than what's described. Not every guy out there who pays attention to you in a way you weren't particularly looking for once or twice is like your old coworker! In those examples, the women overreacted by deciding that a guy was a "stalker" when they weren't.

If someone refuses to stop a behaviour when they're asked and then it escalates to things like calling a few hundred times, then something IS wrong and anyone who would tell you that you have no basis to be afraid is nuts.

I would just advise every person To go with their gut. But yes, not every man is a stalker.true

[Georgianbelle]

I would never use the word lightly. I thought about that today because I said it is not fun. That was a vast understatement. It is terrifying. I also prefer not to give too many details, but law enforcement was involved each time. Believe me when I say I know the difference between a guy who is interested and one who is obssessed when he has been given NO encouragement.

[onihC]

Was in California USA waiting for my friends in a mall to then take off somewhere else. In the crowd I made eye contact with a woman. She was probably in her upper 30s, a bit chubby, etc. I smiled and nodded my head in a friendly manner and continued walking around. I stopped to look at a store from the outside and I looked to the crowd and once again we made eye contact, smile and nod of the head, and continued doing my thing. I went upstairs to kill sometime and from far I could see this same woman walking towards my direction. I continued looking at the store from the window until she stood right by my side to talk to me. Conversation started something like this:

Woman: Where are you from?
Me:…Huh? (didn’t feel like answering as her face looked upset)
Woman:…you are coming with me.
Me: What is this about?
Woman: You have been following me since you got here. I am calling the police.
Me: Oh really?...*speaking out loud* tell me WHO CAME ALL THE WAY UP HERE TO STAND BESIDES ME?! YOU DID! NOT ME! SO WHO’S FOLLOWING WHO?! TELL ME!
Woman: Ssssh shhhh *looking around* you don’t need to raise your voice, keep it quiet.
Me: *speaking out loud* I am raising my voice so people can hear what’s going on before you try to accuse me of something I didn’t do. Hey! Security!
*Security arrives*
Me: Just trying to enjoy my time here but this woman is following me around.
Security: Please leave this woman alone.
Me: I will if she stops following me.

The security guy motioned with his hand for me to carry on and walk somewhere else while he stayed with her. He was a security guard but if it was the police I can imagine I would be handcuffed right there on the spot and thrown in a police car. She could have told police that I did something to her and I would be in trouble. I guess I was lucky.