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Thanks, I can appreciate that! I am only going to be an hour away and the kids have a car! We have phones too! Wow! See this is the drama that I am trying to escape from and start fresh. What I am looking for is some advice on explaining this to my youngest son.
Sorry, I know I sounded harsh but reality is your youngest son still needs you. You say your sons want you to be happy but yet are not happy with who you are with. You are contradicting yourself.
I don't know what to tell you but your youngest child will always remember that you pulled out during his hs years.
If I were you, I would wait another year until your son is out of hs and in college.
Yep, my parents had a house full of teens (four of us at once), and we had a functional family that talked, enjoyed one another's company, and spent time together (in addition to spending time with friends, in sports and other extracurriculars, going out, etc.). It seems to comes as a shock to some that "teenager" does not necessarily equal "sullen, black-clad, hiding in room, sneaking out windows, and avoiding parents at all costs," or that most teens, in fact, would be distressed with their mother telling them, "Yep, got a new man...moving away with him...I really need to start a new life that doesn't involve you, but you can come visit if you like, even though you don't get along."
When I read about how people say that teens are never home, never talk to them, are in their rooms, etc. I think that that is not my kids. My kids have friends and activities but they bring the friends and activities home and they discuss personal matters with me. I don't know why society thinks that one should not be friendly with their parents or that teens should act a certain way. If you have no relationship with your teen, it is because you put a space there between you and the kid and did not repair the relationship before teen years.
Get a divorce before you go shack up with the new guy, and make sure he is divorced too. Come on, teach your children by example. What ever happened to common sense?
First off, how long have you been in a relationship with this "new" guy? It doesn't seem like you both have been together for long...so what's the rush in moving in with this guy? Do you really even truly know this guy? Will this relationship even last?...given that there was some infidelity going on. Why hasn't the guy broken off the other relationship already? These are some of the things you really need to think about before you just go moving in with some guy.
Plus, you mentioned that your kids don't care for him. Gee...I wonder why? While you have your head "in the clouds" about this guy, your sons see something that's not right about him. I would definitely ask them why they don't like and what they don't like about him...they may know something that you don't know or see something that you just can't or won't see. Listen to them. If the guy is really bad news, they will tell you and you would be wise to listen and not move in with the man.
Put yourself in your sons' shoes: all they will see is that mom wants to ditch them by dropping them off to their dad's so that she can shack up with her new man. They do want you to be happy, but this is just not the right way to do it! You want a "fresh start"? Move to the new place WITH your sons, minus the new man. In that case, you won't be ditching them. Ditch them and you definitely won't be hearing from them or seeing their future kids for a very long time. Your sons are young enough to still need you. Heck, I'm 22 and I still go to my mom for certain things! 17 and 19 just not considered as "mature" and adult-like age as it was 20 or 30 years ago. They still need their mom for at least a few more years before they completely leave the nest.
I hope you make the most wise and best decision. Best of luck to you.
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
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I am very encouraged by the many responses here that support these two late-teens. These boys still need their mom, even only a few more years. They dont like the new BF..bet there is a good reason. One thing I have learned from experience...sometimes waiting for something you really want is a good thing.
Only you can make this decision..but I urge you..make it with those boys at the front of your decision. They will thank you in years to come.
Leave a note on the door with your fowarding address and tell them not to worry because mom is just a phone call/hour away!! My point... there is no right way to do something that is wrong!!
Without knowing the full details of your life, it sounds pretty selfish if you ask me. You have a responsibility as a mother. Having said that, you are also entitled to your own happiness.
To me it sounds like you're running - fight or flight syndrome.
Are you really entitled to your own happiness once you create another life? Because, in my opinion, you're responsible to look in the best interest of both parties. Not his and not yours... at least not individually.
To me, that line exonerates the deadbeat dads that don't support the kids they helped create.
"I can't have kids in my house. No girl's gonna wanna come over with that kid crying."
"I can't pay child support. I'm working 2 jobs as is (and spending the money on gambling, drugs, and alcohol)."
"I don't visit cuz I can't stand their mother."
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