Would you abandon someone in their time of need? Really.

[wigirl920]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

An old friend of mine went through an ordeal to get pregnant. But after she delivered twin girls, she learned that they both had a freakishly rare heart disease, one that required heart transplants for both girls. She and her husband have been absolutely heroic in how they've dealt with their daughters' illness.

Yet, you wouldn't believe how many of her longtime friends simply have refused to call, essentially abandoning her. Why? Because, "I just couldn't handle it" or "I just don't know what to say" are their mantras. These are weak and self-centered words. True friendship requires strength, for it is easy to be one's friend when things are going well. It takes a person of character to do what is hard.

It's kind of like those people who won't go to a funeral for a friend's loved one. "I just can't handle funerals" is all they can offer, as if that were some kind of legitimate excuse. It's not.

Situations like that are truly sad. It's not like they were the one whose children were going through it. I get that it's sometimes difficult to be around situations that make you uncomfortable, or perhaps remind you of someone who went through something similar... but all the friends had to do, really, was support them and show they cared. Very sad

[kickinit]

Agree! I believe this post was about someone leaving another because they had lung cancer. But there are many unselfish reasons people might forget about you.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by kickinit

Agree! I believe this post was about someone leaving another because they had lung cancer. But there are many unselfish reasons people might forget about you.

Well, the larger question is this: Are you a friend enough to be there when someone is going through a very difficult ordeal? Or are you just a friend as long as it's not too emotionally taxing?

When my father died when I was 22, it was a terrible time. He had an aneurysm, lapsed into a coma, and died a week later. Help came from the most unexpected quarters among people I knew. People dropped by the hospital, called, and volunteered to run errands on behalf of my family.

Then there were the ones who simply disappeared. Nothing. Not a word, only to pop back in a month later as if nothing had happened. One or two offered up a lame excuse, but that was about it. And one of them happened to be my girlfriend at the time. She and I had dated for six months. She called me after the funeral and gave me the, "I'm sorry, but I just can't handle funerals" line. I thanked her, hung up and never called her again.

It was a valuable lesson early on what true friendship really is. A friend is with you through thick and thin. Otherwise, they're just drinking buddies. I've nursed friends through divorces and bankruptcies, and kept vigil over one as he died of a brain tumor.

None of these things were things I would ever want to experience again. But if you ever face one of these difficult situations, ask yourself, "What would I hope my friends would do for me?" And you'll have your answer.

[imcurious]

I think people of character who can hang with you in tough times are very few and far between. If your family had a whole gaggle of them, you are VERY LUCKY.

[kickinit]

I would never leave a true friend in their time of need and I don't understand how someone could be your boyfriend or girlfriend and then just leave you or ignore you when you are having a hard time. I was thinking though about a woman who thought that she was my friend or wanted to be and would stop by all the time and bother me. (our kids were friends and she thought I was her best friend or something because of it) She was very negative and had no control over her life and she constantly complained about everything when really all their problems were self inflicted. When she was evicted from her home she asked if she could live with me and my husband and our 5 children. (With her 2 children) I said "NO WAY." She wanted to be my friend but she was very self destructive and had even been charged with transporting drugs across the border of Mexico into the US. She probably thought I was her best friend and that I should be there for her. But NO! I was not. She was able to get help from her family members whom she should have asked to began with...

That is a whole lot different though then not being there for people who really are your friends. I do not understand that at all. I know when I moved and had a really good friend who always told me what a great friend I was and things like that... That friend just ignored me and didn't even visit me before I left. I questioned the friend about it and was told "It's just too painful." I thought that was rude. But possibly I wasn't as good of a friend to this person as I thought. Or maybe they are just selfish.

[laorbust61]

I'm thinking the people who believe they should be allowed to move on with their lives will not be looking to be treated any better if they lose their health through catastrophic or lingering illness. I'm a strong person, I hope the person I would choose as a mate or a friend would be stronger than that, than to just run away.