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After 2 months I am starting to dust myself off and ponder my next move.
I currently live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and I love it here. I don't really want to leave. The only problem is, however, that most women here in the bible belt marry very young. I am 37. If they are single they have kids and a myriad of ex's. This flaw is singular but significant. I won't hold kids against any potential partner, but would prefer a woman in the same kind of situation as I.
I am wondering whether relocation should be on the table. I know that some other cities and areas of the U.S. are not dominated with a culture of marrying young, and where you can find women in their 30's-40's who wait to get married. NYC is one of them, but certainly too big and expensive for me. I was, however, thinking of Vancouver, BC.
Any recommendations? Should I not even have this option on the table? I know giving advice based on such little information is difficult, but any thoughts or stories will help.
Vancouver was already extremely expensive when I lived there 30 years ago. NYC may be cheaper! Besides, based on demographics, there are more single women than single men on the east coast than on the west coast.
It sounds way too soon. Less than a month ago, you were on here posting beautiful prose about how hurt you had been, the details of where you were married... you sounded very hurt at that point. Heck, it's been less than 6 months since she rekindled things with an old flame, only 2 months since she unexpectedly left out of the blue and only 1 month since you were served the divorce papers.
Man, that is a lot to take. I feel very sorry for you. I have to say, though, that it seems way too early to move on and think about dating again. Yeah, I know everyone grieves on their own timeline, but most people require longer than a month to get over a marriage ending, particularly when it was unexpected and out of the blue. I worry that if you start dating now, you are setting yourself up for a rebound and will potentially hurt some perfectly nice women. Might be advisable to take some time off, get some counseling, get your head in a better place, and focus on you for a bit. If you jump right in to something new, usually you drag along all the problems of the old.
Canada? That would be tough if you need to work for a living. Unless you are married to a Canadian. Read up on emigration to Canada. I don't think you could work legally.
Do you have a good job in TX? If you do, stay there. You have a house too. Right? I agree about the marrying young, exes, and kids. It's true. I lived in TX for 20 years. But DFW is a metroplex with jobs that has attracted people from all over. Including single women. Probably 50% of the people in the large cities came from somewhere else. They aren't native Texans. The economy is much worse in other areas of the country than in Texas. Think really hard and have another job offer in hand before you leave. After all, what's the use of living in a hip, young, single, city if you can't afford to date?
I think it's too soon for such a major change. You are still getting over all those earlier events. I know the thought of a fresh start is appealing, but at what cost? The STBX left you pretty much financially intact and that's a good thing. Don't squander that gift.
Dating. If I was in your shoes, I would still be angry. If that's your reality too, you need to get over it before you even try to date. You will take that anger out on the poor woman who did nothing more egregious than agree to go out with you.
I agree with h886 ... give yourself some time before making any huge changes. You've said you don't really want to leave, so maybe it's best that you stay put for now and only move if you genuinely feel that is your only option to move on with your life. Good luck
I agree with all the above posts. Thank you. I am simply desperate to have the pain be over with, but of course I don't want to hurt anyone in the process.
Regarding relocation, I would not act on the impulse for quite a while. Giving all these massive changes time to settle in is great advice.
However, the mind can go a thousand miles an hour in the moments that I am here alone in this big, lonely house and no idea how to lessen the pain.
I agree with all the above posts. Thank you. I am simply desperate to have the pain be over with, but of course I don't want to hurt anyone in the process.
Regarding relocation, I would not act on the impulse for quite a while. Giving all these massive changes time to settle in is great advice.
However, the mind can go a thousand miles an hour in the moments that I am here alone in this big, lonely house and no idea how to lessen the pain.
Thanks to all of you.
Yeah, I think a lot of us can probably relate to that. You just want it all to go away... everything to be "right" again, so you conjure up all of these thoughts as to what would make that happen in the shortest amount of time.
Find something to keep yourself (and your mind) occupied and perhaps you'll find that staying put is your best option.
Canada? That would be tough if you need to work for a living. Unless you are married to a Canadian. Read up on emigration to Canada. I don't think you could work legally.
Do you have a good job in TX? If you do, stay there. You have a house too. Right? I agree about the marrying young, exes, and kids. It's true. I lived in TX for 20 years. But DFW is a metroplex with jobs that has attracted people from all over. Including single women. Probably 50% of the people in the large cities came from somewhere else. They aren't native Texans. The economy is much worse in other areas of the country than in Texas. Think really hard and have another job offer in hand before you leave. After all, what's the use of living in a hip, young, single, city if you can't afford to date?
I think it's too soon for such a major change. You are still getting over all those earlier events. I know the thought of a fresh start is appealing, but at what cost? The STBX left you pretty much financially intact and that's a good thing. Don't squander that gift.
Dating. If I was in your shoes, I would still be angry. If that's your reality too, you need to get over it before you even try to date. You will take that anger out on the poor woman who did nothing more egregious than agree to go out with you.
Take some more time to think all this out.
Word for word I agree exactly what this poster is saying and I would take her advice.
I've lived in Austin on and off for almost 12 years now, and can honestly tell you that there are hordes of single, attractive, and available women your age in this great state. In fact, for my money, Austin has more single, gorgeous women between 30 & 40 than anywhere I've ever lived, and I grew-up in California! LOl.
So my advice would be to forget about the relocation thing for now, if you're really thinking of doing it in order to move somewhere with a more adundant supply of possible mates.
You just need to look a bit harder. Don't get depserate, either: women have a sixth sense which allows them to pick-up on that vibe. Just stay cool, mate; your time will come!
Consider selling or renting the big, lovely house and maybe get an apartment for at least a year. Enjoy your new place, go out with friends. I agree with the others about serious dating right now. That rebound thing is
dangerous. Losing someone you love for any reason is hard and the mind races while the heart hurts. It usually takes about a year to make 'rational' decisions about major changes. Take the year to find yourself and to decide what you really want to do with the rest of your life.
Therapy is a good way to say all that you want to say. It will also help with finding the right woman for you.
The best way to get over hurt and disappointment is to look your very best mentally and physically and living well.
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