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Old 02-06-2011, 08:39 PM
 
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The girl I've known for over 6 mos., first as friends, and then in a relationship for the last 2 months (after she asked me for more than friendship, and told me she was falling in love with me), is the kindest, sweetest, most gentle female soul I've ever known. She is incredibly sweet and caring...she treats me like her own personal prince, just as I treat her like a princess, to me. She's never once been cold, cruel, nagging, angry, or upset at me, ever -- if anything, she has been the exact opposite extreme (super-affectionate, loving, and caring...full of loving, gentle words; totally cuddly and sweet, in every way). Completely 100% innocent (meant in a positive way) and entirely unjaded, as well.

This is technically the first relationship, she has ever had (she's currently 18). She has also rather shyly expressed to me several times, that I am the first real love, she's ever had. That she had never really been in love before, until she fell in love with me, and that she's never felt this way before about anyone, or as loved and treasured. She and I literally talk for hours and hours, practically every day.

Since I am technically her very first b/f though, I want to take extra-special care, to be a caring and loving b/f to her. I would never intentionally dream of hurting her. More than anything else, I want her to feel cherished, cared for, and loved, and unconditionally, without any conditions or strings attached at all.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions that they could pls offer, on how exactly to give that extra TLC with that special sweetie, if you are their first real love? And anything you might do differently, to make them feel special and loved, given the situation?

 
Old 02-06-2011, 08:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
The girl I've known for over 6 mos., first as friends, and then in a relationship for the last 2 months (after she asked me for more than friendship, and told me she was falling in love with me), is the kindest, sweetest, most gentle female soul I've ever known. She is incredibly sweet and caring...she treats me like her own personal prince, just as I treat her like a princess, to me. She's never once been cold, cruel, nagging, angry, or upset at me, ever -- if anything, she has been the exact opposite extreme (super-affectionate, loving, and caring...full of loving, gentle words; totally cuddly and sweet, in every way). Completely 100% innocent (meant in a positive way) and entirely unjaded, as well.
If I remember correctly from another discussion, there's a considerable age difference between you two, correct? I wonder if part of the issue is that she's a bit intimidated by that? (I truly am not trying to push buttons here... I realize we each feel our own way, and that's fine.) It's the bolded part that worries me in this statement. It would be very surprising for me to hear of any regular couple that had gone 6 months without ever having a disagreement... she's never been upset with anything you've done? My first thought is that perhaps she's feeling pretty insecure, unsure of herself, is worried if she isn't "the perfect girl" you will reject her. I have to question if she's hiding her true feelings, her true preferences, deferring to your wishes in order to make sure she stays the princess you view her as. Ultimately, of course, you don't want that. You want her to feel secure enough that she can disagree with you, that she can express to you when you've done something she doesn't like. Ideally, you want her to feel she's your equal in every sense of the word.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure how much you can do to change that. Those sort of insecurities can only be healed from within. Obviously you know how very young she is. What does she have to feel personal accomplishment in? Does she attend school? What is she getting her degree in? Does she have a career planned out that interests her? Does she have areas where she feels strong, confident, where she would inform you in no uncertain terms that she knew more about something than you?
 
Old 02-06-2011, 08:56 PM
 
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Oh wow, I didn't realize that you two have never even met in person... wow... not quite sure how to answer any more.
 
Old 02-06-2011, 09:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
If I remember correctly from another discussion, there's a considerable age difference between you two, correct? I wonder if part of the issue is that she's a bit intimidated by that? (I truly am not trying to push buttons here... I realize we each feel our own way, and that's fine.) It's the bolded part that worries me in this statement. It would be very surprising for me to hear of any regular couple that had gone 6 months without ever having a disagreement... she's never been upset with anything you've done? My first thought is that perhaps she's feeling pretty insecure, unsure of herself, is worried if she isn't "the perfect girl" you will reject her. I have to question if she's hiding her true feelings, her true preferences, deferring to your wishes in order to make sure she stays the princess you view her as. Ultimately, of course, you don't want that. You want her to feel secure enough that she can disagree with you, that she can express to you when you've done something she doesn't like. Ideally, you want her to feel she's your equal in every sense of the word.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure how much you can do to change that. Those sort of insecurities can only be healed from within. Obviously you know how very young she is. What does she have to feel personal accomplishment in? Does she attend school? What is she getting her degree in? Does she have a career planned out that interests her? Does she have areas where she feels strong, confident, where she would inform you in no uncertain terms that she knew more about something than you?
She knows that she is free to disagree with me, by all means -- she and I have in fact disagreed several times before, but we talked it out, being kind and patient with each other, and non-judging and non-critical. We were respectful of each other's view during each disagreement, and were successfully able to reach a win-win consensus, without resorting to fighting or arguing.

I care about her, unconditionally. No pre-conditions whatsoever. She's never once been angry or upset with me, even when she and I did disagree.
 
Old 02-06-2011, 09:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by h886 View Post
Oh wow, I didn't realize that you two have never even met in person... wow... not quite sure how to answer any more.
As I mentioned in the other thread -- it is a "long-distance relationship". Not sure why some people, automatically classify an LDR when the 2 parties just haven't yet had an opportunity to meet, as a "non-relationship"?

FWIW, some couples in an LDR have gone for several years before they actually had a chance to meet, and sometimes it still turned out fine.
 
Old 02-06-2011, 09:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
She knows that she is free to disagree with me, by all means -- she and I have in fact disagree several times before, but we talked it out, being kind and patient with each other, and non-judging and non-critical. We were respectful of each other's view during each disagreement, and were successfully able to reach a win-win consensus, without resorting to fighting or arguing.

I care about her, unconditionally. No pre-conditions whatsoever. She's never once been angry or upset with me, even when she and I did disagree.
I'm not saying couples should have a knock-down, drag-out fight any time they disagree about something, but it's a classic sign of low self-esteem when someone tries much too hard to be perfect... when you have "cute" little disagreements, but never any real ones where you feel she's angry, frustrated, annoyed. Do you really think it's possible that she never finds you annoying?

You didn't answer my other questions. What things does this girl have in her life (completely independent of you) where she can feel confident in her own right? Is she even going to school? Having a career can be a huge confidence-booster for many women. It's important that she have her own interests and own passions independent of you. She should also have the confidence to call you on your BS when it comes up, to argue back with you like you were equals, not like she was the princess and afraid to get angry because then she wouldn't be so "perfect" in your eyes.

Incidentally, I hope you don't spend too much time with her emphasizing the things you have here... that she's perfect, sweet, never complains, etc. You could be feeding all the wrong tendencies. I would think that ideally you would want an independent woman with her own opinions, the confidence to tell you so.
 
Old 02-06-2011, 09:10 PM
 
2,596 posts, read 2,741,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
As I mentioned in the other thread -- it is a "long-distance relationship". Not sure why some people, automatically classify an LDR when the 2 parties just haven't yet had an opportunity to meet, as a "non-relationship"?

FWIW, some couples in an LDR have gone for several years before they actually had a chance to meet, and sometimes it still turned out fine.
Sure. I'll admit that makes me a little more unsure of your odds, but I'm sure you're right that some scenarios like this do work out. All the same for clarity's sake, you might think about including those details next time. The age difference plus the LDR thing are kind of important factors to consider. It's hard to give someone good advice when they're withholding what many would consider to be key details.
 
Old 02-06-2011, 09:45 PM
 
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Have you seen her picture or spoken using webcam? Also, do her parents know about you?
 
Old 02-06-2011, 09:52 PM
 
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You need to stay away from this girl and let her grow up. She is only 18 and has never lived away from home. You are 30 years old and trying to practically make her your wife. Also, as I mentioned in your other really creepy thread, you don't know she is actually 18. She could very well be lying and be younger. It would explain her immaturity.,
 
Old 02-06-2011, 10:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Georgianbelle View Post
Have you seen her picture or spoken using webcam? Also, do her parents know about you?
Picture yes. Webcam no. Parents: not yet.
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