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does he desire to get back together even though he still does not want to marry me? Is it because he hasn't met someone new yet? IMO, if the relationship has no future, why waste each other's time?
We dated for a year and two months. He said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me because he did not feel the same level of intensity for me that he did an ex girlfriend who dumped him after dating for 8 months.
When the ex told him that she did not want him, he continued to chase her hoping that he could win her love. She would tease him and give him the impression that she might take him back, and when he started to chase her again, she'd tell him that they had no future together.
When we were together, he said that our relationship was a healthy one (it was) and that I was the best girlfriend he'd ever had. He also said that our relationship was the best relationship he'd ever had. In spite of this, I chose to end it because he used the feelings he felt for his ex to judge how he felt about me, and I did not think that was fair.
You may have gone a little overboard if that is the thing that so inclined you break up with him. Everyone compares people in that manner - mostly in their head and not outloud.
You also say when his ex didn't want him he chased her. Typically these are high maintenance people - man or woman, who are only interested in the chase rather than the kiill. They can't deal with what is referred to as 6s and 7s, but function when it's on a level of 1 or 10 to the extreme. Now that you are just out of reach he's perked up and you can spend the rest of your life in the push and pull tactics of such a person. They also are people with intimacy issues and don't confuse intimacy with sex. It's one helluva seesaw ride that isn't pleasant.
I would ask him point blank what would be different this time. You seem like an intelligent and articulate woman. Your reasoning is sound and your concerns are real. Why should you waste your time? He's dated you for a year and two months. That's time enough to decide if something is eventually progressing towards marriage (provided you two are at least 25ish) or if you're wasting each others' time.
Additionally, while he may have been truthful about his ex, IF that's true, it's all the more reason you shouldn't go back to him. What does he have to offer you if he doesn't like you as much as you like him? Why does he think you would want to settle for being someone's second best?
It's not that I wouldn't talk to him (I might if he was otherwise a good guy), but I would be very clear and set some boundaries that you are not going to grovel and hang around on his arm for the next few years while he dithered. Either something has fundamentally changed in his mind or it hasn't.
does he desire to get back together even though he still does not want to marry me? Is it because he hasn't met someone new yet? IMO, if the relationship has no future, why waste each other's time?
We dated for a year and two months. He said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me because he did not feel the same level of intensity for me that he did an ex girlfriend who dumped him after dating for 8 months.
When the ex told him that she did not want him, he continued to chase her hoping that he could win her love. She would tease him and give him the impression that she might take him back, and when he started to chase her again, she'd tell him that they had no future together.
When we were together, he said that our relationship was a healthy one (it was) and that I was the best girlfriend he'd ever had. He also said that our relationship was the best relationship he'd ever had. In spite of this, I chose to end it because he used the feelings he felt for his ex to judge how he felt about me, and I did not think that was fair.
WT
IMO 1y2m is enough time to decide if you want a lifelong commitment. For him to judge your relationship by his feelings for his ex is totally wrong. It shows he is not living in the present and not looking to the future. For him to even tell you that is pretty lame of him. I'd continue to take some time off, date other people, and see what happens. I don't think it's permanently doomed but maybe both of you need some fresh perspectives. I think he just feels comfortable in "the zone" when he is with you and that is why he wants to get back together. But that's not a great reason to continue wasting your time with somebody who feels ambivalent yet comfortable. I mean now that your "honeymoon period" is over and he doesn't feel that excited, the chances are slim that his feelings are gonna intensify.
I guess he still wants to get back together with you, because it was good, and better than being alone.You sound like a smart woman who's made the wise choice...I'd stick to that if I was you.
for your responses. I don't want to get back together with my ex, but would like to remain friends (after giving each other enough time, distance, and space in order to grieve the loss of the relationship). I'm getting back into the dating scene and am excited about meeting new people and having new experiences (the ex also wanted to know if I was dating anyone. Heck, if he would've put a ring on my finger, he wouldn't need to be concerned about who I'm dating!).
My late mother used to say, " One of the best ways to get over someone is to meet someone else." Since I got out of the relationship early enough, although I am hurt, I am not devastated by the loss. If anything, I worry more about the possibility of being too old to meet someone else who may be interested in marrying me (I just turned 49, but have been told that look ten years younger). I'm not desperate to get married, but would be open to it if the right person came along.
Move on. You apparently want marriage, he does not. The chances of him changing his mind are slim to none. The fact he compares you unfavorably to an ex should be a deal breaker. How tacky and tasteless can you get? And why would you even care to be around a jerk that complains he doesn't have "intensity" with you?
You can do a lot better than this guy.
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Thanks everyone..
