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Just reduce your spending. Move into a cheaper place or area, take the bus, cook more...whatever.
For my GF and I, money is never an issue. If either of us has financial issue, the other will help and if we can't make it, we simply reduce our spending to the point where we could survive with minimum-wage jobs. We live very humbly even though we both a lot more than you do. But it wasn't always that way. At one point, when we were both starting out businesses, we were sleeping in the same room as our 1st kid who was already in school. It wasn't easy but looking back, we had a lot of fun.
We have fun because we never feel like we're financially struggling, which would put stress on our relationship and children. Our kids can easily survive living in a smallest room that isn't as nice, but they don't adapt through conflict and stress very well.
You knew that guy before you married him. You married him for him or his career plan? That's what you want to ask yourself. Personally, I don't care if I have to live in a tent on the side of the highway if that means being with my GF, even if we aren't married.
I hate to break it to you, but you are sounding a bit materialistic here. On the other hand, your husband is really dumb to think he'll win the Loto for sure. That's usually what you hear from gambling addicts.
Last edited by GeorgeLucasLongLostChin; 02-07-2011 at 03:27 PM..
To some couples, like wife and I, it doesn't matter who makes the most. When we first met, she was making almost 3 times as much as I was, but she has a Bachelors Degree compared to my H.S. Diploma/some college classwork. During the 10 years we've been married, she has always made at least double what I have......didn't bother either of us at all. I'm currently unemployed and headed for early retirement (SS), but my wife totally supports me in doing that. Finding a job at age 61 is extremely hard! Now, spending that much on the Lottery, on a weekly basis, is definitely something I'd insist on him stopping. People can really get caught up and "think" they will win. My wife plays the Lottery, but only once or twice a month and then for only $10 each time. Shoot, I can put $20 into a slot machine and have better luck than winning the Lottery.
Some spouses really have a problem with their spouse when they know they can do much better in their career/salary and live in an expensive area plus have a small child. But, on the other hand, you've been with this dude for some years, had a child AND married him KNOWING he isn't nearly as motivated in a career as you. This isn't a problem that justoccurred......it's been going on!
Good point LoveBoating. Theproblem that just occurred is her two friends who just became stay at home moms. Other women earn more than their husbands and don't seem to have a problem with it, why didn't you have some discussions about finances before you got married and had a child? I think it is time to set down and have some serious talks about what you both want out of the future and each other. With your feelings maybe it is time to plull the plug on this relationship and find someone you won't resent and who you can better control.
I need some marital advice. I’ve been married to my husband for over two years and we’ve been together for a little over 7 years. He is 28 and makes about 30k a year. We live in metro DC which is a very expensive area to live in. We have one child also. He has flipped, flopped a lot with his career and had a total of 4 jobs since we graduated from college. I make over double what he makes and it really bothers me. I hate to be that way but it just does. He chose a degree in which its almost mandatory to get a Ph.D to really make any money in it. He is still all over the place with what he is going to do with his life. I’ve encouraged him to go to graduate school and to look for a better paying job, neither of which he takes seriously. He also frequently comments that he is going to win the lottery so he’s not really worried about anything. He spends probably $25-50 a week on playing the lottery and scratch off games, it’s really annoying cause winning the lottery is not a great life plan in my opinion. It just seems to me that he has no plan in life as far as career goes.
Also, recently two of our mutual friends just quit their jobs to be stay at home moms. I asked my husband about this and he said its unlikely because he is still figuring his career and life out and I bring home the most money. I’m starting to become resentful towards him over this. I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but now that I have a small child I just want to be with her all the time. Is it wrong for me to expect a man at his age to have more of a settled career plan and to make more money?
I think that you can definitively expect more of him, but also remember that a marriage shouldn't be a business deal either.
My guess is that he doesn't feel to comfortable being so far outside your income range either.
I think you should have a serious talk about where you are heading, what you think of the lottery and his career etc, ask him what exactly his view is, have everything explained for each other before countering on each others arguments for which ever way you two should go.
Just don't let it brew under the surface or be joked away in "i'm gonna win the lottery". when this happens it means you should keep on the conversation not give it up.
I need some marital advice. I’ve been married to my husband for over two years and we’ve been together for a little over 7 years. He is 28 and makes about 30k a year. We live in metro DC which is a very expensive area to live in. We have one child also. He has flipped, flopped a lot with his career and had a total of 4 jobs since we graduated from college. I make over double what he makes and it really bothers me. I hate to be that way but it just does. He chose a degree in which its almost mandatory to get a Ph.D to really make any money in it. He is still all over the place with what he is going to do with his life. I’ve encouraged him to go to graduate school and to look for a better paying job, neither of which he takes seriously. He also frequently comments that he is going to win the lottery so he’s not really worried about anything. He spends probably $25-50 a week on playing the lottery and scratch off games, it’s really annoying cause winning the lottery is not a great life plan in my opinion. It just seems to me that he has no plan in life as far as career goes.
Also, recently two of our mutual friends just quit their jobs to be stay at home moms. I asked my husband about this and he said its unlikely because he is still figuring his career and life out and I bring home the most money. I’m starting to become resentful towards him over this. I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but now that I have a small child I just want to be with her all the time. Is it wrong for me to expect a man at his age to have more of a settled career plan and to make more money?
He doesn't care because he has you to take care of everything for him.
I would be and was resentful when I found myself in the same position. Because I made good money, my husband felt no pressure to improve his job skills or look for a better job. He was happy with life the way it was. I was miserable working 45 hours a week with a baby to care for in the evenings because I felt he didn't pull his weight. I almost left but I figure that then I'd just end up a single mom and that wouldn't be an improvement. In time, I came to realize that the bitterness didn't help.
Things didn't turn around for us until we nearly got divorced and I lost my job to the recession. Then and only then did he do something about his job.
I wish I had some advice to give. I'm afraid all I can give is empathy.
You might want to try marriage counseling if he'll go. He's looking at this marriage for only what it does for him and that is NOT attractive in a spouse.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 02-07-2011 at 06:31 PM..
You have gotten excellent advice. The longer nothing changes in your marriage, the more it could cost you. I don't know what kind of man your husband is. I have a friend whose situation was similar to yours, got a divorce, and she is paying alimony. I don't know how/if that would apply in your state.
We met in college and I expected that he would work hard at building a career. We both attended a prestigious college and his family all have successful professional careers. I've asked him about staying at home to care for our child but he's said he is not interested in doing that. I do love him, but I just want him too add more to our family financially. He often talks about all these things he wants to buy and i'm like we will never get those things if he doesn't try and make more money.
Also I've always believed both money and love are required to make a marriage work. It takes more than just love. At one point he had nearly $20,000 in debt of which we I helped to pay off. I actually didn't even know about this debt until a few months before our wedding. Right out of college we made the same amount of money, but five years later my salary has gone up and his has stayed the same, mostly due to a lot of job hopping.
We met in college and I expected that hewould work hard at building a career. We both attended a prestigious college and his family all have successful professional careers. I've asked him about staying at home to care for our child but he's said he is not interested in doing that. I do love him, but I just want him too add more to our family financially. He often talks about all these things he wants to buy and i'm like we will never get those things if he doesn't try and make more money.
Also I've always believed both money and love are required to make a marriage work. It takes more than just love. At one point he had nearly $20,000 in debt of which we I helped to pay off. I actually didn't even know about this debt until a few months before our wedding. Right out of college we made the same amount of money, but five years later my salary has gone up and his has stayed the same, mostly due to a lot of job hopping.
Thank you for all the advice.
You are in a tough situation. Sounds like you still love him, and that you are dissappointed in him. Life is like that, I was really disappointed in my first wife. She was a stay at home Mom that stayed home, but was a terrible housekeeper. She wasn't happy unless she was controlling the checkbook and making all the decisions. One affair after another followed and eventually ended our marriage. I married a second time, this time we had some understandings before we got married. We keep our finances seperate. I don't have any idea how much money she has in her checking account, in 18 years I've never looked in her check book. We never have any harsh words about anything. My wife is a real joy to live with, an excellant cook, a fun person to be around.
Sometimes I think we just expect things will turn out different than they do. You have to decide if you can live with your unhappiness or not. Only you will be able to make things change and how you go about it will be interesting to say the least. You have to live your life as you see fit. Believe it or not, life could be a lot worse for you than it is right now. It could also be better. Are you going to roll the dice?
THIS SEEMS LIKE A possible troll post. I apologize if I am wrong about that.
However, after reading some of the responses I am DISGUSTED.
In an age where women demand all the same rights plus more than men, many still refuse to be with a man that makes less money than them. They want Mr Perfect Knight and Warrior and Breadwinner, even though they like to lie and maybe even falsely believe that they really love their husband. It makes me think that these feminists have had so much brainwashing that they don't even know love from money.
If a man makes all the money for a family and provides them everything they need and many of their wants, women think that is what is to be expected.
If a woman provides 51% or more of the money for a family, they hold a grudge against their supposed lover, and think of him as replaceable, and think they are some amazing unique wonder-woman that just hasn't found her perfect mate yet.
THIS SEEMS LIKE A possible troll post. I apologize if I am wrong about that.
However, after reading some of the responses I am DISGUSTED.
In an age where women demand all the same rights plus more than men, many still refuse to be with a man that makes less money than them. They want Mr Perfect Knight and Warrior and Breadwinner, even though they like to lie and maybe even falsely believe that they really love their husband. It makes me think that these feminists have had so much brainwashing that they don't even know love from money.
If a man makes all the money for a family and provides them everything they need and many of their wants, women think that is what is to be expected.
If a woman provides 51% or more of the money for a family, they hold a grudge against their supposed lover, and think of him as replaceable, and think they are some amazing unique wonder-woman that just hasn't found her perfect mate yet.
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Husband makes way less money than me
