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Old 02-08-2011, 08:04 AM
 
1,041 posts, read 1,520,942 times
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I'm very close to my 2 brothers. I always wanted to travel with them and I would really really like going on a cycling trip with them. The place I want to go requires flights, a hotel and car rental so it's a bit expensive.

The problem is that I know they are a little tight on budget. I want to take them with me. Things are going good for me lately and a few grands are not a big deal.

But I know it will make them feel uncomfortable and I would probably react the same way if I was in their shoes.

I want to introduce the idea to them without insulting their pride or making them feel like they owe me or whatever reaction people have in these situations...

I can't really surprise them with plane tickets. The trip requires planning and I need to know if they're available on those dates. I wouldn't suprise them anyway because they might react badly.

I know them very well and I really don't want to cause any awkward situation between us. I just want them to come along with me. I even talked to their girlfriends about it and they told me they would encourage them to go if I ever go forward with my idea.

So it really is just a question of them not having weird feelings about money.

Have you ever gave a big (from their perspective) gift to someone? If so, how did you do it?
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Old 02-08-2011, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
2,218 posts, read 3,437,003 times
Reputation: 6035
Wow! Your generosity is amazing! What a great trip that would be..in many ways, it could be the trip of a life time. In years to come, you could all reminisce about the trip, look at photos, etc. It would be such a great bonding time too.

Maybe a compromise to them could be that they could take turns buying one meal a day..perhaps breakfast. That would give them the idea that they, too, are participating in the cost without it being a huge investment.

I think that if you present it to them as almost a favor to you for them to come along might work. Explain as you have here that you see the money as an investment in your family and that you really want this trip to happen. I sincerely hope that they will graciously accept it and that you all have the time of your lives.
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Old 02-08-2011, 08:28 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,538,579 times
Reputation: 42762
No, but twice in my life, friends have surprised me with generous gifts. Both of them said pretty much what you said in your OP: "I'm in a good place right now, and I can afford this, and doing this for you would make me happy." One friend gave me a check when my husband and I were broke and dealing with some awful bills, and the other gave us a few large baby gifts when I was pregnant with our son. Both were totally a surprise, and I was stunned and grateful. It was embarrassing to feel like a bit of a charity case, but your brothers shouldn't feel that way because this is something fun.

I would phrase it that it's something you want to do for yourself--YOU want to travel and take them with you. I think you could frame it as something you want to buy yourself. Act humble that you are able to do this and tell them how much it would mean to you for them to come. Don't discuss money if you can help it; just tell them you will take care of the tickets and hotel if they can go.

Also, be receptive to their wanting to do something for you in return, either now or later. The friend of mine who gave me the check was very flush at the time, but she took a huge hit during Katrina and I've sent her money as we were able. She told me at the time that the money was a gift, so I send her gifts when I can. And my other friend who gave us the baby gifts, she lost her job and her apartment a month ago, which I learned through Facebook. I sent her some money through Paypal "just in case." Your brothers might want to do something for you during the trip, like pay for a meal or rent a kayak or whatever. Let them.
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:43 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,247 posts, read 19,906,851 times
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Gee, I can't top what FlightAttendant and JustJulia said. Both gave excellent advice! I agree that when you broach the subject with your brothers you should say you want them to make the trip as a favor to YOU. Tell them what you've told us in this thread. I think you should definitely go for it!

Perhaps, tell them you got a fantastic deal on the hotel(s) and/or other expenses and that the trip is practically a steal, so you'd be nuts not to take advantage of it.
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Old 02-08-2011, 10:09 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,188,633 times
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I think if you make them feel like they'd be doing you a great favor by coming with you it might work...And also, if you explain (like you did in your post) that you have the financial means and that this gesture is REALLY a gift to yourself, I can't see them not coming...Above posts said it all....goodluck, and good travelling!!
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Old 02-08-2011, 10:22 AM
 
1,041 posts, read 1,520,942 times
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Thx for the advice. I want to go ride in Moab, UT. It looks gorgeous.
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Old 02-08-2011, 10:43 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,455,266 times
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Have a great time and this trip will give all three of you memories for a lifetime! Moab, UT is beautiful from the photos I've seen.
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:53 PM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 4,577,620 times
Reputation: 1616
Very generous of you, George! You've already been given a lot of great advice; the only thing I would add is maybe start it out as more of a discussion ("Hey, I was thinking about this trip...") and just kind of let it flow from there. This might help you better gauge how they'll react when you get to the point of telling them you'd like to pay for it. Good luck and have fun!
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