Define "needy" -- do you agree with this definition of "neediness"? (married, woman) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - Page 4 - City-Data Forum

grimace8 · 02-10-2011, 02:12 PM

To me, a needy person (friend or lover or family member, etc) is a weak person who does not realize the answers are within himself/herself. He/she is always looking toward the outside for answers, instead of within. They irk me.

When choosing friends, I think it's important to gauge whether they have a support system or not, because if they don't and view you as their only support system, it's a baaaaaad thing. I think it can be sorta okay to have a needy friend as long as they have a menu of friends (meaning more than 5 or 6 friends) to lean on. I do not want to hear from a needy friend more than once per month. If they call you more than once a week, that's often an indicator that they do not have a support system.

darrensmooth · 02-10-2011, 02:15 PM

to play devils advocate for a second, in certain instances a person who otherwise not a need person can become needy if they sense their partner isnt emotionally available or is distancing themselves in some way

crisan · 02-10-2011, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WireChief

Needy people often lack a respect for another person's time and space. Instead of trying to learn how a program works... they yell out, "How do I send this email?" They don't hesitate or make an effort to work through problems. They simply reach out to their mate like they are attached, armed and ready to solve your problems.

And the person who helps this needy person??? What does that say about them?

I tutored math in college and some people did not like me but others loved me. The ones who did not like me did so because I would not do their homework for them. The ones who liked me did so because I made them do the work and think. I only helped them when they didn't understand and even then, I used a different example to explain.

grimace8 · 02-10-2011, 02:25 PM

"Phone people" are often needy but won't admit to it.

I am so NOT a "phone person". They irk me.

I believe phone conversations should be 10 minutes tops. The shorter the better.

killakoolaide · 02-10-2011, 02:38 PM

Its funny how the world works. They spend about 18 years feeding you misinformation(especially guys) about social dynamics in the real world. If you believe what your taught by pop-culture you will surely experience serious failure. If you believed the disney movies you grew up on, you would think that women will reward you for giving them attention, and treating them with respect. Wrong.

Anyway the first lesson they teach you is the worst. Share. hahahaha.

Be selfish, it's the least needy behavior imaginable, and will get you very far in life.

I repeat be SELFISH.

grimace8 · 02-10-2011, 02:40 PM

Many needy people can also go into panic mode at the mere thought of being alone. I guess when I said they irk me, it was an understatement. I think maybe a have a significant disdain for needy people because I consider myself the opposite. It's not something to be proud of, I'm just trying to be honest with myself.

WireChief · 02-10-2011, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crisan

And the person who helps this needy person??? What does that say about them?

I tutored math in college and some people did not like me but others loved me. The ones who did not like me did so because I would not do their homework for them. The ones who liked me did so because I made them do the work and think. I only helped them when they didn't understand and even then, I used a different example to explain.

Good point. The ones that rush to help are kind of needy but how is that annoying?

On the other hand, if someone says, "Do you need help with that?" when it is not requested can be annoying because they are pestering.

Liking being needed (not saying it is right or wrong) and needing to be needed ("Do you need help") are different.

I don't think liking being needed is needy until you go looking for it.

WC

WannaliveinGreenville · 02-10-2011, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJulia

"Overly passive or excessively caretaking ways" ... while "overly" and "excessively" are subjective, I think this definition is accurate. The subjective nature of these words means that they will vary by person.

Needy and clingy behavior, to me, connotes a puppy following me around. Love me love me love me love me love me! Do you love me? I miss you! Do you miss me? Do you love me? I love you! I love you! You haven't talked to me in five minutes--are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Do you still love me? Love me love me love me!

Sounds like my ex husband....

WannaliveinGreenville · 02-10-2011, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pkrplr1

STOP IT PLEASE!!!!

I will give you a candy bar if you stop, okay ?

WireChief · 02-10-2011, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grimace8

He/she is always looking toward the outside for answers, instead of within.

Absolutely!

Quote:

When choosing friends, I think it's important to gauge whether they have a support system or not, because if they don't and view you as their only support system, it's a baaaaaad thing.

Fascinating criteria.

WC