Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Imagine this scenario...You are trying to share your feelings with someone but the person you are talking to keeps cutting you off and saying that you don't listen to their feelings. In cases like this nobody gets to talk for long. It becomes "tit for tat."
Thats rediculous, you should get away from that immature situation
"You don't hear me...You don't listen to me!" Have you been around people who keep telling you that you don't listen to them? The implication is that I am a mean and "bad person" for not listening or caring...This seems like a tactic to me...A "guilt-trip."...I guess I'm suppose to feel "so guilty" and "so bad" that I say "yes" to everything the person "wants."....If someone keeps telling me that I don't listen to them over and over again in a defensive way there is no "good will" or "middle ground" where we can resolve problems in a mature way...How do you feel about it? Thanks.
Sometimes things can become a bit confusing. Sometimes issues can become "clouded." Sometimes it's hard to see the "forest for the trees!"...Are my feelings "right" or "wrong" about a certain person and situation? Am I mean and "bad" and totally self-centered? Or is someone trying to manipulate me at times? What do I need to "see" about myself and the other person too? Why do things get "so crazy" all the time? Why can't we find some resolutions? Where is the love we profess to have for each other???
I've said you "you don't listen to me" a lot to my GF but she tends to cut me mid-sentence and go on a limb when she has not even got what I meant to say. It's not a guilt trip, it's about having a normal conversation. I never say "listen to me" when she calms down and will exchange with me.
On the other hand, she will tend to scream out "you never listen to me" when I don't agree with her, which is silly. She should just say "you never obey me".
"You don't hear me...You don't listen to me!" Have you been around people who keep telling you that you don't listen to them? The implication is that I am a mean and "bad person" for not listening or caring...This seems like a tactic to me...A "guilt-trip."...I guess I'm suppose to feel "so guilty" and "so bad" that I say "yes" to everything the person "wants."....If someone keeps telling me that I don't listen to them over and over again in a defensive way there is no "good will" or "middle ground" where we can resolve problems in a mature way...How do you feel about it? Thanks.
Yes, my mother always told me, but the thing is she didn't listen to me, or anyone else.
Whenever she holds a conversation with anyone, she will be completely unknowing of whatever hints the other part is trying to give her when they do not agree or so, and the result is always that mom keeps on going without noticing the other parts intentions at all, going on and on without pause until the person needs to be frank, at which point my mother hates the person for being so rude...
There is no middle way, it's her way or the highway(sometimes literally).
I've never seen anyone not getting annoyed in a conversation with her that lasts more than 5 minutes...
The consequence?
I really have stoped listen, I almost can't hear what she says anymore because my mind shuts off when she speaks, subconsciously thinking it will come back on repeat anyways, as well as the fact that she will not hear my opinion about it anyway.
I believe her ways is also why it's so hard for me to have a conversation with anyone, because I've been overruled, and overrun verbally for so many years and now it's hard to change as a person.
My father also used to always talk in my place wherever we were, and since both my parents always did this I never got used to speaking for myself until I was almost adult...
point is that people accusing others for being bad listeners are usually such themselves.
All the above is true. BUT...most of us could stand to improve our active listening skills. I work at this and have been working on it for years.
Here's what I have learned. You need to LOOK like you are listening and paying attention. Give the person time to finish what they are saying, don't interrupt. When they are done speaking, paraphrase back to them what they just said and ask if this is correct. This SHOWS them you were listening and heard what they said. Then add your viewpoint.
Always be courteous and respectful. You don't have to be nasty to disagree with someone. It's OK to say you think my opinion is ignorant. It's not OK to say *I* am ignorant, stupid, whatever.
It's also perfectly OK to say you heard what they said and you need a little time to respond properly. You need to think about it and take some processing time. Much better to take the time than react in a totally emotional, angry, way. People will turn you off and stop listening if you do this.
"Broken records...The same lines over and over again...Point-Counter-Point...Nothing new...Same old same old...Boring...No progress to be made...Always ending up in the same boat...Never any resolution....A waste of time and energy...Conversations that never go anywhere...Nothing to be proud of...Always something to feel bad about...No real trust in the relationship....Always walking on eggshells...When will the next trigger show up?"
"You don't hear me...You don't listen to me!" Have you been around people who keep telling you that you don't listen to them? The implication is that I am a mean and "bad person" for not listening or caring...This seems like a tactic to me...A "guilt-trip."...I guess I'm suppose to feel "so guilty" and "so bad" that I say "yes" to everything the person "wants."....If someone keeps telling me that I don't listen to them over and over again in a defensive way there is no "good will" or "middle ground" where we can resolve problems in a mature way...How do you feel about it? Thanks.
I say Im choosing to ignore you, or I dont agree with you, thats the end of it
I say Im choosing to ignore you, or I dont agree with you, thats the end of it
Good "stoppers!" Sometimes people need to be "stopped." Responding to their tirades just leads to more accusations and more "roller coaster rides" that go "nowhere!"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
