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Again, someone appears to be speaking "for" me, and saying certain things that I didn't say, myself *sigh*
FWIW, I never said I was "ignoring" anything. But I believe that some ppl are also too quick to dismiss different perspectives, that may fall somewhat outside the norm -- and they therefore essentially do the same thing, that they accuse me of doing (shutting out, what they don't want to hear). I have even acknowledged several areas where other posters views whom I initially disagreed with, had superior knowledge and understanding than mine, and I accepted it as better than mine. Didn't I? I didn't initially agree with a lot of what h886 was saying...but as she elaborated more and more, I came to understand that much indeed of what she was saying, was in fact valid. I acknowledged that some of my previous understanding was incorrect and could use revision.
I have a right to my own opinion, even if others do not agree. I am making an effort to be flexible however. I have acknowledged several times the validity of other posters' wisdom on certain topics, and my lack thereof. Not sure what else you want me to do? Just "rubber stamp" and "automatically agree", with everything everyone says? <confused>
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrensmooth
Yeah that is exactly it, his post about his troubled friendship past is exactly that in the PAST, he needs to get over it, and seriously work on himself.
That is not what he wants to hear he just wants a girlfriend and he wants one right away..correction he NEEDS a girlfriend right away. I was thinking about this and if I didnt have a lot of knowledge in someting yet I believed something (not religious) and everyone i knew told me I was wrong, like everyone, I would seriously question whether I was right about my belief. But after almost 500 pages he is still being stubborn, taking in the advice he wants to hear, and ignoring the advice he NEEDS to hear.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 03-02-2011 at 08:51 PM..
Fair enough; I won't begrudge that you have a point regarding impressions. However, there is a built-in assumption here that the nature of Internet communication norms require a more formal, colder, less soft-spoken form of communication than in say everyday face-to-face communication. No matter who I am talking to and what communication medium I am using (Internet, in-person, over the phone, IM, e-mail, etc., etc.), I make an extra effort to weigh the "tone" and the context of what I'm saying, to ensure that I do not fail to observe the Golden Rule. But that's just me; others are free to do and communicate as they see fit.
Regardless of my "undertone" was of how I stated my views on how gay men are treated by females vs. love-shy men (I do not believe that I was particularly frustrated, more like confused and very puzzled), does not change the fact that for most straight women today in contemporary society, this is the reality. Straight women tend to bond very closely, with a lot of gay men. The same is simply not true, of most straight women and straight love-shy men.
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
We appear to be having a lapse in communication here. What is it about the word 'impression' that you are misunderstanding? I said you SEEM weak and weird. That means that the impression that I have gotten of you over the internet is that you seem weak and weird. I dont know you from Adam. I dont know if you ARE weak and weird all the time or in person for that matter. I just know that over the internet, based on the things you have shared, that you seem weak and weird. Im sure I seem condescending and mean spirited to you. But thats because we are operating within a very narrow set of communication constraints on the internet.
And your reference to gay men receiving straight female sympathy was a cultural observation accompanied by a frustrated undertone which you used to illustrate the direct contrast between the way you *the love shy male* are treated by women, and the way gay males are received. Thats why I said that you implicitly are seeking sympathy.
And I would argue that one's past, is predicative of his or her future. The present and the future, are either directly or indirectly colored, shaped, and influenced by, past factors in one's life.
If I didn't believe in "getting over" my own past and working on myself, I doubt that I would be getting professional therapeutic help, which as I mentioned, I have been doing for quite a while now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrensmooth
Yeah that is exactly it, his post about his troubled friendship past is exactly that in the PAST, he needs to get over it, and seriously work on himself.
That is not what he wants to hear he just wants a girlfriend and he wants one right away..correction he NEEDS a girlfriend right away. I was thinking about this and if I didnt have a lot of knowledge in someting yet I believed something (not religious) and everyone i knew told me I was wrong, like everyone, I would seriously question whether I was right about my belief. But after almost 500 pages he is still being stubborn, taking in the advice he wants to hear, and ignoring the advice he NEEDS to hear.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 03-02-2011 at 09:24 PM..
Reason: Corrected typo
"Straight women tend to bond very closely, with a lot of gay men. The same is simply not true, of most straight women and straight love-shy men."
I articulated previously as to why this happens. Gay men are very forward with women. Almost hetero in what they say to us. I've had gay men tell me I was gorgeous, hot, and any other thing they liked. A love shy guy doesn't do that. Love shy holds back and when I say veneer, it doesn't mean you are plastic or fake. If the gay man didn't tell me he was gay I would not have known him to be different from an aggressive straight guy.
I lived in L.A. for 12 years so I know how hard it is to connect and make real friends in an urban area. That's why I moved back to AZ but you know what? It's still hard. Most people are superficial. It takes time and much effort to cultivate relationships.
You are in a rare percentile of men that only a certain percentile of women will appreciate. Most women pick horrible partners based on 'hotness' factors (as do men). Many of the traits are not desirable but it appeals to a primal need. I know many women who put up with bad guys and won't give a guy like you a chance. In the end, it's a numbers game in dating. It takes time. Years, perhaps to find the right one. In the meantime, find time to hone your social skills. Don't get discouraged as that is a negative approach. Think of it as an adventure and a discovery of a side of yourself you never got the opportunity to explore. You deserve it.
After graduating, I pretty much buried myself in my work efforts, and in succeeding professionally, in order to get ahead and move up the career ladder, not to mention working all of the overtime I cited earlier..and I am currently reasonably professionally and financially accomplished.
Really? Yet you are unable to come up with the dough for a plane ticket?
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Just "rubber stamp" and "automatically agree", with everything everyone says? <confused>
