Is Relationship Really Over? (boyfriend, marriage, women, love)

[shy girl]

Im A Woman Who Has Been In A Relatioship For Almost 8 Yrs. For The Past 3 Years We Have Had Nothing But Problems. I Have Two Kids From My Previous Marriage. We Always Have Had Our Ups And Downs But Now I Feel That I Have Fell Out Of Love, But Not To Sure Im So Confused, I Dont Know If Its That I Am So Used To Him, But We Arent Even Together Intimately,( Since December) This Isnt Normal Behavior And Hes Always Confronting My 15 Year Old Son. Im So Tired. Hes Always Said Hurful Things To Me I Have Asked Him To Leave The House But He Says In September. Why Should I Be So Patient With Him? Please Any Words Will Help.

[Marylandkitten]

Does your computer automaticly capitalize every single word for you?
Or Do You Do It On PurPose?

Do what I did if you are unsure hon... take a break. Get some much-needed space, before you make your decision. Things generally come a lot clearer with a fresh perspective to look at them with. Would it be possible to take a few months seperation, with the kids and whatnot? That way... if you're not wanting to leave him or split up the relationship, it's not permenant...and that way, if you DO realize that you're better off without him, (or happier for the time being, at least) then half the fight is already won- because you area already "split" from him.

Just my two cents though.

[shy girl]

lol Fiddlekitten, I dont know what happened with all that capitalization. Thanks for your advise
shygirl

[Sunnydee]

Look at the facts:

1. You've been in a relationship with this man for 8 years and 3 have been problematic. That means 3/8, or nearly half of the time with him, has not been good.

2. For 8 months you haven't been intimate.

3. He's confrontational with your son. (physically, verbally, emotionally?)

4. "He's always said hurtful things to me." (verbal abuse?)

5. You've asked him to leave and he won't . . . until September.

If you were my friend and I told you these things what would you say to me?

IMO you'd be better off without this man in your life. It sounds like he is wearing you down, picking on you and your son, and is less than delightful to live with. Yes, you are used to him, but people can get used to torture too. Why be miserable? Move on. Make a life for yourself and your son while you still can.

Your days with your son are numbered, at 18 he'll be out of the house making his way in the world. Do you really want his last years with you to be like this? What is this relationship teaching him about being a man, boyfriend, and husband? If you think about that alone your decision should be clear.

Good luck and my prayers are with you.

[shy girl]

Hi Sunnydee youre absolutely right, at this time i should be thinking about my sons feelings and the little time he has left with me. i want him to be a good man and see his mom as a strong woman who always wanted the best for him.
thank you,
shy girl

[Roaddog]

Have you confronted him? have you sat down and talked about your problems? Try some counsiling before you give up, it sounds like you two are in a rut. Why doesn't he get along with your son? at 15 a teen can be a handfull, maybe all of you need to talk and that means no fighting.
8 years is a long time just to throw away and end up realizing you were just bored with each other, if you havent been intiment with each other for 8 monthes then I doubt you have communicated either.
Take a deep breath and open communications between your family, take it as a challenge to see if you can't get things fixed, people give up to easily thats one reason there is so many unhappy people.

[livinak]

shy girl
I'm kind of in the same boat. My husband of 12 years is always giving both my sons a hard time (one 19 yr old from previous marraige and 10 yr old from current marriage). It can be from leaving the front door unlocked (older)to my youger son making a mess when he eats a meal. We have not been intimiate for the past 7 months or so. And oh, he had surgury for cancer back in January, which I was hoping would change his attitude about life maybe just a little, which it didn't, maybe for a couple weeks. It's been getting pretty old (the arguing about everything) and several times I've told him to just leave, but we won't talk for a day or two and then he acts as if nothing happened?!!! Don't know what he thinks at that point, that I'm not serious or what. My 10 year old is really sensitive and he gets upset when me and my husband argue and last time he asked what was going to happen with us when I asked my husband to leave. I didn't know what to say, so I just told him not to worry about that right now. I keep thinking maybe when the kids are older and out of the house it will get better, but I'm not sure about that, because for one thing, even when me and my husband are by ourselves, we argue, usually about something stupid like I hit too many bumps in the road when I drive. Isn't that ridiculous? Well, I just wanted to let you know, your not the only one out there with problems. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Texas Tornado]

I have just (2 months ago) ended my relationship with a man I have been with for 8 yrs. I tried everything, from moving out of state, letting go of my friends/family, nothing seemed to help and he refused to go to counsiling. Everything was always somebody elses fault, he did no wrong............pointed out mine, but not his. Anyway, after so much time with a person sometimes you take the other person for granted or your being taken for granted. Time away might help, time for me only prolonged the ending of US. We didn't have children, and I think our age difference didn't help..........almost 9 years difference. You do need to think of your son's and how that effects their thoughts

[livinak]

I also believe age difference has a lot to do with our problems (he's 14 years older than me). I agree I need to think of effects on my sons, that's why I keep letting it go and hoping it will get better. My oldest son is already a product of a broken home...my first marriage didn't survive past 3 years.. although he has a step-mother until recently I thought treated him like her own, and also recently found out from him how hard it was for him to go back and forth to homes. I also feel like I made my bed 12 years ago and should lie in it until at least my kids are out of the house. That may sound like settling for some, and I guess in a way it is, but I just don't want to rock the boat for my sons any more than I have to at this point. It sounds sad when I say this, but I guess I'll have to just try to have at least a friendly or civilized relationship with my husband until the day comes when we either separate or it works itself out somehow, but right now I really don't feel close to him and am regretting a lot of mistakes I made in the past to put me in the position I'm in right now....we choose our own paths by making certain decisions.

[HIF]

Age has nothing to do with it and you don't need to be patient any more. If he won't go to counseling, move out now and you can be settled in to a new place with your sons before school starts. Your sons needs to be your priority. It's not fair to them. (Or to you, but often it is our children that we draw the line with, not ourselves.)

Your sons are seeing how men treat women by this man who has been a role model for more than half of their lives.

The crudiest little one-bedroom flat with you alone is better for your sons than a palace with someone who is verbally abusive and argumentative.

You all deserve better. You can get counseling with or without him- who knows, maybe there is a future for you all- but you need to get your kids out of that environment so that they can be settled by the time school starts. He obviously thinks you are tied to that house and is using it to control you. Don't give him that power.

And stop kicking yourself over "mistakes" you have made. We are human, we do the best we can. We make mistakes. But once we recognize a mistake, it's important not to give up, but to fix it. What a great lesson to teach your sons through your example.

Goods luck and good thoughts sent your way- hang tough!