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Old 07-25-2007, 07:40 AM
 
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,298 posts, read 10,520,672 times
Reputation: 6933
I don't like liars. Big lie, little lie, sugarcoated lie, not tellling the truth as it really is... all the variations of not being completely honest and upfront...those are heavy warning signs.

If you meet someone, talk to someone, go out for dinner, just be aware of what stories they tell, how they tell them, what they leave out, versions of past SO history.

Liars will always be liars and once you catch someone lying, it's very hard to be trusting again.
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Virginia
6,530 posts, read 8,679,543 times
Reputation: 3036
Quote:
Originally Posted by vpcats View Post
I don't like liars. Big lie, little lie, sugarcoated lie, not tellling the truth as it really is... all the variations of not being completely honest and upfront...those are heavy warning signs.

If you meet someone, talk to someone, go out for dinner, just be aware of what stories they tell, how they tell them, what they leave out, versions of past SO history.

Liars will always be liars and once you catch someone lying, it's very hard to be trusting again.
I look like George Clooney.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,298 posts, read 10,520,672 times
Reputation: 6933
Quote:
Originally Posted by VAFury View Post
I look like George Clooney.
LOLLL.... I believe THAT one!!!!
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:24 AM
 
188 posts, read 81,523 times
Reputation: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by vpcats View Post
I don't like liars. Big lie, little lie, sugarcoated lie, not tellling the truth as it really is... all the variations of not being completely honest and upfront...those are heavy warning signs.

If you meet someone, talk to someone, go out for dinner, just be aware of what stories they tell, how they tell them, what they leave out, versions of past SO history.

Liars will always be liars and once you catch someone lying, it's very hard to be trusting again.

I can honestly say that I always tell the truth, even when I lie.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:28 AM
 
407 posts, read 1,165,960 times
Reputation: 349
I learned not to make generalizations about people. Just because one guy turned out to be a jerk doesn't mean they all are. Also I figured out a lot of the warning signs that could make someone more likely to have issues that will end up causing them to break my heart (on purpose or not!) I know that there are decent faithful people out there because I am one and I am friends with several (and married to one.) The most important thing to realize is that YOU have done NOTHING wrong. Loving and trusting someone who turns out to be an a**hole does not mean you deserved it or that there is something wrong with you. You can try to pick better in the future and learn from your mistakes but sometimes people change as time goes by or are really good at hiding who they are until it hits you like a freight train of misery and pain. (can you tell I've been there?) You just have to either decide to be alone (which some people are perfectly happy doing) or try to pick a nice guy and leave your baggage at the door. The new guy deserves to start with a clean slate and you just have to tell yourself (over and over if necessary) that this is a DIFFERENT guy and a DIFFERENT situation and it doesn't HAVE to end badly if WE don't let it. Call it "cautious optimism"?
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Old 07-25-2007, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,334 posts, read 14,739,287 times
Reputation: 8385
Thanks everyone. Some good advice here. Yes, I am myself, and I find at least I am not turning bitter- nothing worse than a bitter 'older' woman-lol. I guess some people are okay with being alone, I am not sure that would be my choice, but it is better to be alone than miserable with the same person, I guess.
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Old 10-02-2007, 06:57 PM
 
13 posts, read 67 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyhelena View Post
After being disappointed in a long-term relationship, how do you learn that other people can be honest, caring, etc.; how do you learn to trust again?.

So many break-ups on this forum and in general. Thanks in advance for any thoughts.
I am new to this so be patient...First you have to be all those things yourself. Honest, caring, etc. I think if you really are then you wouldn't let people treat you poorly. Often there are signs of distrust early in a relationship that we tend to ignore. We even shun people who bring it to our attention. Saying "what do they know".....I am divorced. Gave the jerk a million chances and even isolated myself. Got me nowhere except divorced when I should have done it years sooner. If someone reaches out and says depend on me and treats you well, consistently, I think they are worthy. But if there have been signs of abuse and neglect, etc. Its not getting better. I need advice myself because I was just left by my husband and made sure I got a quickie divorce.

Last edited by displaced1; 10-02-2007 at 08:09 PM.. Reason: Clarify my situation.
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Old 10-03-2007, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
14,938 posts, read 6,694,239 times
Reputation: 17355
Trust is like Rome, takes years to build but can be destroyed within minutes.
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Old 10-03-2007, 07:48 AM
 
12,579 posts, read 11,032,910 times
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I made a big mistake during my lifetime....I thought I wasn't whole without a better half, and wanted so to love and be loved, therefore, I chose the first man who came along and said he loved me...as my future mate. Sheesh, I was so naive...to believe that anyone would lie to me, or hurt me....or hit me...

My adoptive mother was a depression child from the old school where it was believed that a woman had to be married...and take care of her family....

So...I failed several marriages...within my choices....I chose men who were not confident...with who they were, and came from very bad childhood backgrounds...at that time, it wasn't important to me to look at that as a character refrence...and I was never concerned about money, as I'm not a shopper, therefore, that wasn't an issue either.

So, now, learning to trust again....sadly, I don't believe I ever would, and do believe that is a big reason why, I choose my single life now, as there are many reasons, not just one. But Trust is an issue and a very very good topic to discuss...thank you.

It saddens me, b/c I've never known in my own life, a man who is able to say no to temptation, although I do know they exist, and I'm certainly not a man hater...as I love the stories men have to tell...but I've also been told, I'm very deep and complex and I had a tendency to intimidate the men I chose to marry. I had a very high IQ...although, I failed many subjects in school and had to be tutored. Hated School, as it seemed way to regimented for me. LOL

Well, anyway...I suppose the only way you can trust its safe to go back in the water is to dive in again...the trouble with me, is now, I'm way to picky and if the water is just a bit to cloudy, I tend to fear what shark lies within, ready to eat my heart again....no thank you.

So, therefore, I wouldn't make a good mate anymore, although I was told by my husbands that I was a good wife, and I did enjoy being one....just didn't work out for me, is all....not the end of the world...I've always been sort of a loner...and enjoyed that quiet time, and am finding it more a necessity....

I wouldn't ever again want to be a mother to a man...and I don't trust that point of view, cuz I always chose very needy high maintenance men, who were helpless around the house...even with mowing the lawn, and taking care of dinner once in a while, or taking the trash out. They were the kind of men who felt that since they worked all day, their job was over. And even though I worked, it was just taken for granted that my job was also being a mom to them, and there were no fringe benefits beyond the bedroom, yanno. No travels, no dates to movies or dinner...just work, work, work....

So, no, I don't believe I'll ever be able to trust again...and I do have confidence in men, and myself...but I fear relationships....fear greatly, not being able to live up to what someone else's idea of what my life should be...and I don't want to ever compromise my identity....and neither should you.

I was listening to a woman on TV the other night who said, the man she dated, who became her husband, was so confident, it amazed her. He didn't feel he had to win over her parents or her or anyone else...therefore, he didn't fear being himself...all the time, which is what attracted her to him so emmensly...now, if I could find a man like that, I think he'd be in big big trouble. LOL

But, trust has to also be earned me thinks....I just don't know if I care to go the distance anymore. Espeically after the last person I dated....sheeesh, that hurt was incredibly tragic and painful.

It's all about trusting someone with your heart....

I dunno?

Just my thoughts

thank you for this thread....
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Old 10-03-2007, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Too far from the beach, NJ
5,072 posts, read 2,879,596 times
Reputation: 2496
Quote:
Originally Posted by vpcats View Post
I don't like liars. Big lie, little lie, sugarcoated lie, not tellling the truth as it really is... all the variations of not being completely honest and upfront...those are heavy warning signs.

If you meet someone, talk to someone, go out for dinner, just be aware of what stories they tell, how they tell them, what they leave out, versions of past SO history.

Liars will always be liars and once you catch someone lying, it's very hard to be trusting again.
I was engaged to a pathological liar, so I know how it feels to believe you can never trust again. It's been about 5 years, and now I'm in a LTR, and I finally feel like I can trust again. Agreed: look out for the warning signs. And take it slow...it might be awhile before you can just exhale and relax with a person, without thinking that he/she is going to do you wrong, lie to you, betray you. Finally: trust your intuition. This may sound flaky, but had I done that years ago, I'd have saved myself 2 years of pain. Oh, and lean on your friends and loved ones, that's what they are there for!
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