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Old 03-03-2011, 06:28 AM
 
73 posts, read 113,644 times
Reputation: 35

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Hi,

Why do male friends disappear once they start liking you???
So does it mean that you lose them, their friendship once they think more of you than just a friend?

I hate losing my friend??? what should i do to get him back?
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Old 03-03-2011, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
9,173 posts, read 14,110,992 times
Reputation: 11924
In my experience, it's not healthy to remain friends with someone who has feelings for you which you do not return. It's very difficult, if not impossible, to get over someone and move on when you're constantly around them. He is doing what is best for him by putting some distance between you two - maybe when he is passed his feelings, you can be friends again but for now, if you care about him, you'll respect his decision to "disappear".
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Old 03-03-2011, 07:38 AM
 
610 posts, read 1,149,883 times
Reputation: 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by vparent View Post
Hi,

Why do male friends disappear once they start liking you???
So does it mean that you lose them, their friendship once they think more of you than just a friend?

I hate losing my friend??? what should i do to get him back?
He has with all likely hood always had a thing for you, and now that he let's it shine through or let's you know it's basically GO or NO GO, if you do the whole "let's just be friends"-thing he will either back off and you lose the friendship or he'll be an idiot and stick around as a "friend" which is self-destructive for him. He will never be "just a friend", ever, he will always want you in the more-than-friends way.

The exception is if you break it off for a while and he finds a new love-interest or girlfriend, only then will he be able to be a plain friend again.

Trust me on this, I've been that guy way too many times.

Edit: Maybe I should clarify that he has probably never seen you as merely a friend.
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Old 03-03-2011, 08:33 AM
 
73 posts, read 113,644 times
Reputation: 35
Default Whats wrong with my friend?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sportsgeek20 View Post
.

Edit: Maybe I should clarify that he has probably never seen you as merely a friend.
How can a girl know that a friend male has a thing for her from first? I could have never imagined he wud have something for me other than friendship?

Here is what he told me in the chat online few months back:
Him: (getting all emotional) U remember how we used to argue /fight in college?
me: (shocked as he never showed his emotions sp. regarding us) Well I know long time back, isnt it
Him: (did not like my reply) (i dont remember exactly what he said)
Him: So your last name is still the same (Does that mean, he is inquiring as to if I am still married or divorced?)

I just know him to well, so i know something is fishy about how he talks with me

Then in the end of the conversation
Him: Bye, contact me when u come back (as we are in different regions)
He has never showed up online or emailed me other then my Bday(he was the 1st one to wish me on my Bday thou)

I miss talking to him...why do I have to lose him this way...
Do you think I shud confront him abt his feelings towards me?
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Old 03-05-2011, 02:53 PM
 
13,013 posts, read 15,898,984 times
Reputation: 15105
vparent, you must be giving this man the wrong impression of you..Just flat out TELL him you enjoy being his friend, but you're married and it could never be more than that!You're leading him on, does your husband know about him?You seem to be playing some kind of hide and seek game with both these men......be carefull ,or you'll end up with neither.
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Old 03-06-2011, 02:45 PM
 
Location: US, California - federalist
2,793 posts, read 3,267,132 times
Reputation: 479
Quote:
Originally Posted by vparent View Post
Hi,

Why do male friends disappear once they start liking you???
So does it mean that you lose them, their friendship once they think more of you than just a friend?

I hate losing my friend??? what should i do to get him back?
It could depend on how comfortable you are with your sexuality. Or, you could present one of your easier girl friends to "take care of him" so that you can continue to enjoy your friendship without guilt or pressure.

In my opinion, women being friends with guys should not necessarily exclude sex; but remembering that even the best of friends are not always the best of friends all the time.
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:30 PM
 
3,409 posts, read 4,049,267 times
Reputation: 1427
Quote:
Originally Posted by vparent View Post
Hi,

Why do male friends disappear once they start liking you???
So does it mean that you lose them, their friendship once they think more of you than just a friend?

I hate losing my friend??? what should i do to get him back?
Just give straight forward signals on how you feel about him. If you aren't into him that way let him know it. You can spot a TRUE friend once they know they aren't getting any.
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:51 PM
 
610 posts, read 1,149,883 times
Reputation: 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big-Bad-John View Post
Just give straight forward signals on how you feel about him. If you aren't into him that way let him know it. You can spot a TRUE friend once they know they aren't getting any.

Not necessarily,
He might just go the "nice-guy"-way and and tell her he accepts that they'll just be friends and stick around hopelessly hoping...

Quote:
Here is what he told me in the chat online few months back:
Him: (getting all emotional) U remember how we used to argue /fight in college?
me: (shocked as he never showed his emotions sp. regarding us) Well I know long time back, isnt it
Him: (did not like my reply) (i dont remember exactly what he said)
Him: So your last name is still the same (Does that mean, he is inquiring as to if I am still married or divorced?)
I'm not really sure what to make of it, I thought he had gone as far as asking you out on a date or even put his feelings flat out on the table.

Quote:
How can a girl know that a friend male has a thing for her from first?
You can't really but there are some signals like;
-If he is nicer/more helpful than called for.
-Will willingly take a detour when walking with you to extend your conversation rather than heading off the direction that would be fastest for him.
-Will keep acting as a friend even if you turn down the niceness from your side or will be more friends with you than you are with him however you wanna call it.

Some can't hide it, others will keep it locked in so hard they'll almost be half un-aware themselves.
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Old 03-07-2011, 11:05 AM
 
3,097 posts, read 4,237,323 times
Reputation: 3707
back in the day, I liked my female friend, but she was seeing someone (didnt know at the time), I was bummed so I avoided her so I could get some space and sort of suck it up..but apparently that wasnt quite good enough, she actually had the guy she was seeing come talk to me to ask why I wasnt talking to her, he actually tried to bully me to be her friend again....

To this day I realized I dodged a bullet and I cannot understand what I saw in her
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Old 03-07-2011, 08:24 PM
 
Location: US, California - federalist
2,793 posts, read 3,267,132 times
Reputation: 479
You may want to practice approaching people more positively instead of avoiding them. I read it in a book and sometimes remember to practice it.

Would you have had the same issue with her, if you had established an "ulterior motive" to ask her if she could get her girl friends involved while she is with her new boyfriend? You could have claimed that a friend in need is a friend in deed.
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