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I don't know who sent me that comment on my reputation thing but that was really rude! You people act like I'm cheating.
We had a fight last night because now he is convinced that I am talking to my friend constantly on Facebook (I wasn't). Our marriage is falling apart slowly. He does not trust me at all.
He also just had to bring to my attention that my friend was arrested but was caught with a suspended license. I knew about the other issue he was arrested for (it was his ex gf's fault), but not the suspended license (though I don't care because I care more that my paranoid husband is now doing background checks on my friends!!).
He just keeps saying the same crap about how he doesn't like my friend and that my friend is an awful person. He won't flat out tell me to stop taking to him, as if this is a game to get me to back down and ditch my friend and give into my husband's paranoia.
Oh and the sorry I'm not in a band crap came out again, but I never married my husband for that reason.
This isn't about cheating. It's about standing firm and not letting a man dictate who you are friends with. As some of you have said it's 2011 not the middle ages and we're not living in Saudi Arabia where women get killed.
So your stubbornness and refusal to break a friendship will be the downfall of your marriage.
This friend must be very special for you to destroy your marriage over, because it isn't about being told who you can see or talk to, it's about your desire for another man above your own husband.
We had a fight last nightbecauseI am talking tomy friend on Facebook . Our marriage is fallingapart slowly. He does not trust me at all.
my friend was arrested but was caught with a suspended license. I knew about the other issue he was arrested for, but not the suspended license (though I don't care).
He just keeps saying he doesn't like my friend and that my friend is an awful person.
I kept the important points from your post. Read them again, they are facts, not your opinion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
So your stubbornness and refusal to break a friendship will be the downfall of your marriage.
This friend must be very special for you to destroy your marriage over, because it isn't about being told who you can see or talk to, it's about your desire for another man above your own husband.
The above post is what will happen and why.
Read it many, many times, if you care about your marraige.
It sounds like, you like your friend more, than you love your husband.
First off the "friend" who is a guitarist gives guitarists a bad name or I should say musicians a bad name but the fact is in my time I have known some musicians who acted like jmassey's friend including some of my past band mates.
Secondly I feel sorry for the husband because obviously jmassey isn't looking for insight to see if maybe she is wrong. She has made her mind up and is just looking for validation. The husband seems like the kind that doesn't want to create friction even though it bothers him and is probably the "nice" type who falls for the "don't you trust me?" accusation by his wife and he is in turn made to think he is the one with a problem.
It is a fine line between being jealous and insecure and having concerns and acting in a alpha way of demanding and setting her straight. And comes along the feminist who defend the woman and makes it as if the guy should just shut up and "support" his wife's decisions. Yet turn it around and you know the wife would have a fit if it were hubby who was paling around wiith another woman specially if the friend was hot and sexy.
Oh yeah sure, jmassey has always had a thing for musicians and probably has made that be known to her husband. Just imagine reversing the situation and the man marries a woman and the man confides in her that he has always had a thing for big boobs which she doesn't have and the hubby friends a woman with 44dd's and is face booking and friending around with her. And just imagine that friend dresses tight and sexy and flaunts them constantly. The wife would be seeing red.............
I give it a year before the husband has enough, and the OP goes and lives with her guitar player friend after the breakup or should I say supports the guy friend with a place to live but then after a while realizes what a s***head he is and is then wishing she was back with the ex hubby.
I don't know who sent me that comment on my reputation thing but that was really rude! You people act like I'm cheating.
We had a fight last night because now he is convinced that I am talking to my friend constantly on Facebook (I wasn't). Our marriage is falling apart slowly. He does not trust me at all.
He also just had to bring to my attention that my friend was arrested but was caught with a suspended license. I knew about the other issue he was arrested for (it was his ex gf's fault), but not the suspended license (though I don't care because I care more that my paranoid husband is now doing background checks on my friends!!).
He just keeps saying the same crap about how he doesn't like my friend and that my friend is an awful person. He won't flat out tell me to stop taking to him, as if this is a game to get me to back down and ditch my friend and give into my husband's paranoia.
Oh and the sorry I'm not in a band crap came out again, but I never married my husband for that reason.
This isn't about cheating. It's about standing firm and not letting a man dictate who you are friends with. As some of you have said it's 2011 not the middle ages and we're not living in Saudi Arabia where women get killed.
My husband doesn't dictate who my friends are, but if I want to keep my marriage in tact I do not allow other men to become close friends. That's what my husband is for. I don't spend over an hour on the phone with them, that's inappropriate.
I'm not saying you can't have male friends, I'm saying that your friendship with this particular male is inappropriate and it will end your marriage.
Also, if he got arrested he was doing something to get arrested for, blaming it on his ex-gf just shows an inability to accept responsibility.
. I don't spend over an hour on the phone with them, that's inappropriate.
.
I have a female friend who is now married (to a musician) and I will spend a hour on the phone with her but the thing is I no longer live close and don't talk to her that often so when we do talk there is a lot of catching up to do. But since we are into music we talk about that, or her art on Ebay, or other life's happenings. There is no flirting, and she talks highly of her hubby.
She is one of those people that is a real friend, and that is rare. The life long friend type. But if I were doing what the OP's friend is doing then my friends hubby would have cause for concern.
If I were still living close, her hubby should go out with us if we ever went out, and be there if I come visit. Then again I would want to friend him as much as her anyway and am not the type that would try to come in between them. I think the OP's friend is the type that would break up the marriage based on what I read.
I have a female friend who is now married (to a musician) and I will spend a hour on the phone with her but the thing is I no longer live close and don't talk to her that often so when we do talk there is a lot of catching up to do. But since we are into music we talk about that, or her art on Ebay, or other life's happenings. There is no flirting, and she talks highly of her hubby.
She is one of those people that is a real friend, and that is rare. The life long friend type. But if I were doing what the OP's friend is doing then my friends hubby would have cause for concern.
If I were still living close, her hubby should go out with us if we ever went out, and be there if I come visit. Then again I would want to friend him as much as her anyway and am not the type that would try to come in between them. I think the OP's friend is the type that would break up the marriage based on what I read.
Ok true, that's an exception. If it was a friend that I didn't speak to very often then an hour would be OK. But that's not the case with the OP (as you pointed out as well).
I don't know who sent me that comment on my reputation thing but that was really rude! You people act like I'm cheating.
We had a fight last night because now he is convinced that I am talking to my friend constantly on Facebook (I wasn't). Our marriage is falling apart slowly. He does not trust me at all.
He also just had to bring to my attention that my friend was arrested but was caught with a suspended license. I knew about the other issue he was arrested for (it was his ex gf's fault), but not the suspended license (though I don't care because I care more that my paranoid husband is now doing background checks on my friends!!).
He just keeps saying the same crap about how he doesn't like my friend and that my friend is an awful person. He won't flat out tell me to stop taking to him, as if this is a game to get me to back down and ditch my friend and give into my husband's paranoia.
Oh and the sorry I'm not in a band crap came out again, but I never married my husband for that reason.
This isn't about cheating. It's about standing firm and not letting a man dictate who you are friends with. As some of you have said it's 2011 not the middle ages and we're not living in Saudi Arabia where women get killed.
The very fact you actually believe this is what "it's all about" shows how extremely naive you really are. What a load of feminist horse poo.
You so obviously don't want to really be married that it is pathetic.
So hey, go ahead and ignore the great advice some of us who have actually been successfully married for years are giving you, it doesn't hurt us and only handicaps you.
First off the "friend" who is a guitarist gives guitarists a bad name or I should say musicians a bad name but the fact is in my time I have known some musicians who acted like jmassey's friend including some of my past band mates.
Secondly I feel sorry for the husband because obviously jmassey isn't looking for insight to see if maybe she is wrong. She has made her mind up and is just looking for validation. The husband seems like the kind that doesn't want to create friction even though it bothers him and is probably the "nice" type who falls for the "don't you trust me?" accusation by his wife and he is in turn made to think he is the one with a problem.
It is a fine line between being jealous and insecure and having concerns and acting in a alpha way of demanding and setting her straight. And comes along the feminist who defend the woman and makes it as if the guy should just shut up and "support" his wife's decisions. Yet turn it around and you know the wife would have a fit if it were hubby who was paling around wiith another woman specially if the friend was hot and sexy.
Oh yeah sure, jmassey has always had a thing for musicians and probably has made that be known to her husband. Just imagine reversing the situation and the man marries a woman and the man confides in her that he has always had a thing for big boobs which she doesn't have and the hubby friends a woman with 44dd's and is face booking and friending around with her. And just imagine that friend dresses tight and sexy and flaunts them constantly. The wife would be seeing red.............
I give it a year before the husband has enough, and the OP goes and lives with her guitar player friend after the breakup or should I say supports the guy friend with a place to live but then after a while realizes what a s***head he is and is then wishing she was back with the ex hubby.
I knew my friend way before I knew my husband because I was heavily into the local scene. I would go to shows and hang out with them. My friend and I always had a platonic friendship and nothing ever happened. My husband met my friend several times. All we ever did was talk and nothing else. I have always got along better with men than other women. Most female friends I've had stabbed me in the back at some point.
Now I can't even be on FB without my husband sniffing around. Me giving in would not solve anything. I want to nip the controlling thing in the bud before I end up in one of 'those' marriages. I am not ignoring advice either, but maybe some of you don't realize that this is 2011, not 1951.
Oh and appreciating music and someone who can play music is not the same as a man looking at another girl's breasts. That's a silly comparison!
I also agree with the person who said that you cannot put all of your emotional need eggs in one basket. There is nothing wrong with confiding in other people of the opposite sex if it's purely platonic.
The very fact you actually believe this is what "it's all about" shows how extremely naive you really are. What a load of feminist horse poo.
You so obviously don't want to really be married that it is pathetic.
So hey, go ahead and ignore the great advice some of us who have actually been successfully married for years are giving you, it doesn't hurt us and only handicaps you.
I have a female friend who is now married (to a musician) and I will spend a hour on the phone with her but the thing is I no longer live close and don't talk to her that often so when we do talk there is a lot of catching up to do. But since we are into music we talk about that, or her art on Ebay, or other life's happenings. There is no flirting, and she talks highly of her hubby.
She is one of those people that is a real friend, and that is rare. The life long friend type. But if I were doing what the OP's friend is doing then my friends hubby would have cause for concern.
If I were still living close, her hubby should go out with us if we ever went out, and be there if I come visit. Then again I would want to friend him as much as her anyway and am not the type that would try to come in between them. I think the OP's friend is the type that would break up the marriage based on what I read.
My friend has no intentions of coming between me and my husband. We don't even like eachother that way. My husband is the one with the animosity and I wonder if it's more because of the whole rock band issue.
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