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I'm not going to lie. I'm a big girl. Yes, I'm heavyset. No, I will NEVER exercise, or do any of that "health nut" stuff. Nothing against anyone who does, but I think life should be enjoyed, and not spent obsessing everyday about your weight.
A few weeks ago, I emailed a guy whose profile I saw on the dating sight I joined. He was very fit and listed fitness, and leading an active lifestyle amongst his interest. Even though that wasn't my thing, he had a lot of other interests similar to mine...so I thought we could get past the fitness thing, and focus on the other things we have in common.
We emailed back and forth for a few weeks, and finally met this past Saturday. Now, I admit -- I didn't tell him about my weight, and I kind of skirted around his questions, when he asked me if I led an active lifestyle. I did that because I want him to like me for who I am on the inside -- my weight shouldn't even be a factor.
We went on a date, and things seemed to go well. I told him flat out on the date, that no...I'm not into that whole health nut thing. But...I thought we could get along in other ways, that have nothing to do with that.
But after that date, I asked him if he'd like to go out again -- but he didn't say anything. I pressed him to tell me why (which he didn't want to say), and finally he admitted it: he wants someone who according to him "leads a compatible lifestyle". He said being active is very important to him, and he wants someone who has a similar mindset.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Just because I'm not an anorexic stick figure, I'm not worth his time.
Sorry for the long post. I just needed to vent.
Last edited by JustJulia; 03-08-2011 at 01:19 PM..
Reason: Leave the gender bashing out of it, please.
A few weeks ago, I emailed a guy whose profile I saw on the dating sight I joined. He was very fit and listed fitness, and leading an active lifestyle amongst his interest. Even though that wasn't my thing, he had a lot of other interests similar to mine...so I thought we could get past the fitness thing, and focus on the other things we have in common.
We emailed back and forth for a few weeks, and finally met this past Saturday. Now, I admit -- I didn't tell him about my weight, and I kind of skirted around his questions, when he asked me if I led an active lifestyle. I did that because I want him to like me for who I am on the inside -- my weight shouldn't even be a factor.
the problem is that you are not what he was interested in, and it was YOUR fault for 'setting him up' like that.
BE honest about what you look like- there are men who like heavyset women. But if someone advertises that they are a health nut... they want the same, or at least someone slender.
Don't blame him because of your deception, and thats EXACTLY what it was.
I agree with Djuna. If you want someone who doesn't care about leading a healthy lifestyle, that's fine. but you shouldn't complain if a guy (who you DIDN'T reveal your size to, mind you) isn't interested because you're overweight and he's the fitness type.
Two completely different lifestyles. Honestly, I applaud him for being honest and not asking you out again just to be a 'nice guy'.
I'm into fitness, and if I had gone out wtih someone who didn't tell me his body type in advance, and who was overweight and not into exercising, there's no way I would want a second date with him. Call me shallow if you want, but I know what I want in a guy, and he has to be compatible with me.
You have your preferences, he has his. They don't match in certain areas. It doesn't make either of you shallow. However, you did mislead him, and that seldom has a happy outcome.
Another thing: You (or anyone, for that matter) should never complain about people being shallow. People have their preferences and that's ok. They shouldn't be looked down on for that.
I HATE when people call me shallow just because I have a certain type of guy. It drives me nuts. Not everyone is gonna be everyone else's type.
I didn't tell him about my weight, and I kind of skirted around his questions, when he asked me if I led an active lifestyle. I did that because I want him to like me for who I am on the inside -- my weight shouldn't even be a factor
How about a guy liking you for your honesty as well? Starting things with lies doesn’t motivate people to continue seeing someone.
Quote:
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Just because I'm not an anorexic stick figure, I'm not worth his time
You don’t have to be anorexic. Besides, being obese is not healthy at all. You are doing yourself a favor if you start being more responsible with your diet and exercise time.
Quote:
Why are men so shallow?
Men and women can be shallow but this is more about you not being honest right from the start.
You weren't upfront w/ him and your're not what he's looking for. He was honest to not lead you on and tell you he has a different lifestyle than you. Simple as that.
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