deal breaker? (date, wife, marriage, women)

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by punky86

Sounds like the only thing she's a mommy of is a min pin. Im sure thats taxing

Regardless, forcing him into a living situation he is not ready for is a bad idea. He WILL end up resenting her for it if causes him continual stress.

Again, we don't know why he is the "sole provider", but there could be many very legitimate reasons for that.

Not the least of which is, because that's the way they have set up their married life It's really none of our business.

[TaoistDude]

Maybe it's time your mother asked him to pay rent, since he has enough to buy a house, why should he continue to get a free ride? I'll bet he'll suddenly see the wisdom in getting a house.

A house will add some stress, though. There is maintenance and yard work and associated costs. If he's not already doing those things for your mother, then he is really taking advantage of her and her generosity.

[minpinmommy]

Just to clarify some points that were brought up. I was living in my own apartment when he moved in with me. I had a job, which I quit due to sexual harrassment. I ended up spending many hours, weeks, months and then years looking for a job in area not known for its employment. Then I got sick, and was sick for a few years. Therefore, I do not work...and being unemployed for so long has me a lackluster candidate for a job.
We contribute to living at my moms house. He does yardwork etc.
BTW, he said he wanted to buy a house by June of this year....

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Excuse me, you're trying to get him to buy a house when people are talking about negative equity which is here to stay for 5 to 7 more years???

Try living debt free for a while.

There are a ton of idiots desperate to sell their houses and the housing market hasn't even seen its bottom yet. So, I hope good sense prevails over your husband.

[Nite Ryder]

Ok, I'l give you my 2 cents for whatever it is worth. To begin with, I would be dead set against moving in with a relative to save money. I can see where that would get pretty comfortable for a guy to think this particular house will last forever, and there is no need to buy his own house. I don't know why you are not working to contribute to a new house, but that may have something to do with your husbands attitude, and maybe not. Whatever you do, your are probably going to have to get to the bottom of why he is hesitant to buy his own house. He may know more about his job security than you do, but on the other hand, right now it is a buyers market, you will probably never find a better deal on a new home. I suspect you could push him to the point where he would decide he will never move, so handling this situation is going to take some skill.

[Ep-]

get a job and contribute to paying for the house and maybe he will be more comfortable

"yo buy me a house" can be very stressful....

[imsh0t]

i think he has plenty of reason to be stressed. Sales is a stressful job so he feels pressured already, i think hes just reluctant to take on more responsibility/pressure because he already feels at his limit. Also he knows he has to perform or he will either get fired or make less money.

I know you said you have a hard time working but is it possible for you to do a part time small job? even a menial one making sandwiches at subway or stocking shelves at target. I think that it would be a psychological boost to him to know that it doesn't all rest on his shoulders.

I think talking to him when hes at his most relaxed time about a time frame and deciding as a team is the best choice.

[jeepgirl27]

Originally Posted by minpinmommy

Just to clarify some points that were brought up. I was living in my own apartment when he moved in with me. I had a job, which I quit due to sexual harrassment. I ended up spending many hours, weeks, months and then years looking for a job in area not known for its employment. Then I got sick, and was sick for a few years. Therefore, I do not work...and being unemployed for so long has me a lackluster candidate for a job.
We contribute to living at my moms house. He does yardwork etc.
BTW, he said he wanted to buy a house by June of this year....

So you dont want to work? and want a man to support you??
I tell my sons dont marry a woman who makes excuses not to work,

[recuerdeme]

Originally Posted by minpinmommy

My hubby and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We've been living with my mom for 5 years, who suggested we move in to save money for our own house after our apartment lease was not renewed. Well, we have saved a substantial amount and our credit rating is good.

However, every time I bring up the subject of buying a house of our own, his reply is always that "I have enough stress and stuff on my plate right now." He is the sole provider and has been for most of our marriage, and he is in sales... so I do understand the stress part. However, I am looking at homes that are bargain basement priced first time homes, and well within our budget. In fact, the homes I am looking at online are half of what we could potentially afford.

This afternoon I found a home, in a good neighborhood and the asking price is fantastic. But once again, if I bring up the possibility of going to look at the house or try to get approved for a mortgage...."I have too much on my plate right now...I'm too stressed...Don't add anymore stress...blah, blah, blah."

I am beginning to wonder if he is really into getting a house and moving on with our lives? He complains up and down of his missing having a place to call his own and freedom to do whatever he wants in his home.

Whats going on here? Is this a deal breaker? Because I'm getting fed up with the talk on one hand and the opposite behaviour.

Why can't you get a job? Maybe he's starting to resent being the sole bread winner but yet having you bombard him with things that CAN wait. If you want to speed up the time line then maybe you should do something that would SPEED up the timeline...

[stan4]

I am actually really impressed with the posts on this thread.
I agree...op, being told repeatedly that "I wanna house, I wanna house" is really stressful (I know this first hand), especially if things are tough at work and he knows he will have to shoulder the burden of the debt.

It's not just the idea of the mortgage, but the whole buying process is not a pleasant one. We had great finances, income, savings, credit scores, and we still got a full colonoscopy.

Do you have a hefty down payment saved?