deal breaker? (married, love, hubby, kids)

[minpinmommy]

My hubby and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We've been living with my mom for 5 years, who suggested we move in to save money for our own house after our apartment lease was not renewed. Well, we have saved a substantial amount and our credit rating is good.

However, every time I bring up the subject of buying a house of our own, his reply is always that "I have enough stress and stuff on my plate right now." He is the sole provider and has been for most of our marriage, and he is in sales... so I do understand the stress part. However, I am looking at homes that are bargain basement priced first time homes, and well within our budget. In fact, the homes I am looking at online are half of what we could potentially afford.

This afternoon I found a home, in a good neighborhood and the asking price is fantastic. But once again, if I bring up the possibility of going to look at the house or try to get approved for a mortgage...."I have too much on my plate right now...I'm too stressed...Don't add anymore stress...blah, blah, blah."

I am beginning to wonder if he is really into getting a house and moving on with our lives? He complains up and down of his missing having a place to call his own and freedom to do whatever he wants in his home.

Whats going on here? Is this a deal breaker? Because I'm getting fed up with the talk on one hand and the opposite behaviour.

[PJSinger]

Originally Posted by minpinmommy

My hubby and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We've been living with my mom for 5 years, who suggested we move in to save money for our own house after our apartment lease was not renewed. Well, we have saved a substantial amount and our credit rating is good.

However, every time I bring up the subject of buying a house of our own, his reply is always that "I have enough stress and stuff on my plate right now." He is the sole provider and has been for most of our marriage, and he is in sales... so I do understand the stress part. However, I am looking at homes that are bargain basement priced first time homes, and well within our budget. In fact, the homes I am looking at online are half of what we could potentially afford.

This afternoon I found a home, in a good neighborhood and the asking price is fantastic. But once again, if I bring up the possibility of going to look at the house or try to get approved for a mortgage...."I have too much on my plate right now...I'm too stressed...Don't add anymore stress...blah, blah, blah."

I am beginning to wonder if he is really into getting a house and moving on with our lives? He complains up and down of his missing having a place to call his own and freedom to do whatever he wants in his home.

Whats going on here? Is this a deal breaker? Because I'm getting fed up with the talk on one hand and the opposite behaviour.

Sounds like a little couples counseling is in order. If he won't listen to you, perhaps an unbiased mediator can help.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by minpinmommy

My hubby and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We've been living with my mom for 5 years, who suggested we move in to save money for our own house after our apartment lease was not renewed. Well, we have saved a substantial amount and our credit rating is good.

However, every time I bring up the subject of buying a house of our own, his reply is always that "I have enough stress and stuff on my plate right now." He is the sole provider and has been for most of our marriage, and he is in sales... so I do understand the stress part. However, I am looking at homes that are bargain basement priced first time homes, and well within our budget. In fact, the homes I am looking at online are half of what we could potentially afford.

This afternoon I found a home, in a good neighborhood and the asking price is fantastic. But once again, if I bring up the possibility of going to look at the house or try to get approved for a mortgage...."I have too much on my plate right now...I'm too stressed...Don't add anymore stress...blah, blah, blah."

I am beginning to wonder if he is really into getting a house and moving on with our lives? He complains up and down of his missing having a place to call his own and freedom to do whatever he wants in his home.

Whats going on here? Is this a deal breaker? Because I'm getting fed up with the talk on one hand and the opposite behaviour.

If you are actively searching for homes even after he has said he is not ready, you are likely making him feel backed into a corner.

You need a different approach - a TEAM approach.

Stop looking at homes for starters.

Find a time to sit down with him when he is relaxed and ready for some conversation.

Then review the facts -

you moved in with mom to save money,

you've accomplished that now,

neither of you expected to live with mom forever,

you would like to work WITH him on coming up with a timeframe for when exactly you will start house hunting.

Give him a chance to explain his reservations to you.

Then get him to commit to a plan of action.

[seeniorita]

Have you asked him what is his source of stress? Perhaps this is his way of telling you he need your help with brining in more income if you were to get a home. Once you purchase a home, it's more than a mortgage payment. There's maintenance and upkeep costs that you are responsible for.

[punky86]

Originally Posted by minpinmommy

My hubby and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We've been living with my mom for 5 years, who suggested we move in to save money for our own house after our apartment lease was not renewed. Well, we have saved a substantial amount and our credit rating is good.

However, every time I bring up the subject of buying a house of our own, his reply is always that "I have enough stress and stuff on my plate right now." He is the sole provider and has been for most of our marriage, and he is in sales... so I do understand the stress part. However, I am looking at homes that are bargain basement priced first time homes, and well within our budget. In fact, the homes I am looking at online are half of what we could potentially afford.

This afternoon I found a home, in a good neighborhood and the asking price is fantastic. But once again, if I bring up the possibility of going to look at the house or try to get approved for a mortgage...."I have too much on my plate right now...I'm too stressed...Don't add anymore stress...blah, blah, blah."

I am beginning to wonder if he is really into getting a house and moving on with our lives? He complains up and down of his missing having a place to call his own and freedom to do whatever he wants in his home.

Whats going on here? Is this a deal breaker? Because I'm getting fed up with the talk on one hand and the opposite behaviour.

Sounds like you could take some of the burden off of him and start working. Then you could actually have a say in this situation. Right now you have no platform to stand on. You cant dictate what he does with his own money when you dont contribute.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by punky86

Sounds like you could take some of the bounden off of him and start working. Then you could actually have a say in this situation. Right now you have no platform to stand on. You cant dictate what he does with his own money when you dont contribute.

Sorry, that's just BS

For all we know she has infant triplets at home and is working plenty.

They are MARRIED, what is his is hers and vice versa. THEY have saved the money together, she most certainly gets a say in how and when that money is spent.

[Afinelady]

My sister-in-law had the same issue with my brother, so she went and put a down payment on her own. Same thing when it came time to having kids. They have lived in the house she coaxed him into buying for 21+ years and are quite happy and have one child they both adore.

[punky86]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Sorry, that's just BS

For all we know she has infant triplets at home and is working plenty.

They are MARRIED, what is his is hers and vice versa. THEY have saved the money together, she most certainly gets a say in how and when that money is spent.

Sounds like the only thing she's a mommy of is a min pin. Im sure thats taxing

Regardless, forcing him into a living situation he is not ready for is a bad idea. He WILL end up resenting her for it if causes him continual stress.

[miyu]

Do you have at least 20-25% of the total house cost saved for a downpayment? If not then it's not worth considering.

How do you know that his job is secure? Maybe he has suspicions that he might get fired sometime in the near future.

Maybe you should ask him to clarify that.

[jeepgirl27]

Originally Posted by minpinmommy

My hubby and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We've been living with my mom for 5 years, who suggested we move in to save money for our own house after our apartment lease was not renewed. Well, we have saved a substantial amount and our credit rating is good.

However, every time I bring up the subject of buying a house of our own, his reply is always that "I have enough stress and stuff on my plate right now." He is the sole provider and has been for most of our marriage, and he is in sales... so I do understand the stress part. However, I am looking at homes that are bargain basement priced first time homes, and well within our budget. In fact, the homes I am looking at online are half of what we could potentially afford.

This afternoon I found a home, in a good neighborhood and the asking price is fantastic. But once again, if I bring up the possibility of going to look at the house or try to get approved for a mortgage...."I have too much on my plate right now...I'm too stressed...Don't add anymore stress...blah, blah, blah."

I am beginning to wonder if he is really into getting a house and moving on with our lives? He complains up and down of his missing having a place to call his own and freedom to do whatever he wants in his home.

Whats going on here? Is this a deal breaker? Because I'm getting fed up with the talk on one hand and the opposite behaviour.

Ok I'm going off the subject..But why dont you work?