Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:15 PM
 
19 posts, read 29,046 times
Reputation: 16

Advertisements

There is this guy I've been talking to since about December. He's very attractive and we have similar interests. We go to the same school and met online before we met in person and are both around the same age (20 and 21). We would talk pretty often on facebook and exchanged numbers and then finally met randomly one day at school. After that, we hung out a few times in february. He had always mentioned cuddling and stuff, so I was excited to see where this would go.

After hanging out for the first time, he texted me to let me know that he wasn't looking for anything serious. I said I wasn't really either, so we agreed on cuddling next time we were to hang out. So that's what we did. Plus making out.

A few weeks later though, he asked me to stay the night. I did, and things went quite a bit further. I lost my virginity to him. The way I've been looking at this relationship is just as friends with benefits. But the same thing happened again last night, only this time, I was awoken by a morning kiss and left with a kiss goodbye as I left.

I know everyone has different takes on friends with benefits relationships, but from what I've read, most people agree that it's simply just for the pleasure of the sex and not much more. Meaning not usually staying over and, from how I've taken things, none of the little extra things like the cute kisses. Or am I wrong?

I've been telling myself to not get attached and to not develop feelings, but this is making a bit hard.

Does anyone have any opinions or advice on my situation?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,370,072 times
Reputation: 40196
Quote:
Originally Posted by electronicxx View Post
There is this guy I've been talking to since about December. He's very attractive and we have similar interests. We go to the same school and met online before we met in person and are both around the same age (20 and 21). We would talk pretty often on facebook and exchanged numbers and then finally met randomly one day at school. After that, we hung out a few times in february. He had always mentioned cuddling and stuff, so I was excited to see where this would go.

After hanging out for the first time, he texted me to let me know that he wasn't looking for anything serious. I said I wasn't really either, so we agreed on cuddling next time we were to hang out. So that's what we did. Plus making out.

A few weeks later though, he asked me to stay the night. I did, and things went quite a bit further. I lost my virginity to him. The way I've been looking at this relationship is just as friends with benefits. But the same thing happened again last night, only this time, I was awoken by a morning kiss and left with a kiss goodbye as I left.

I know everyone has different takes on friends with benefits relationships, but from what I've read, most people agree that it's simply just for the pleasure of the sex and not much more. Meaning not usually staying over and, from how I've taken things, none of the little extra things like the cute kisses. Or am I wrong?

I've been telling myself to not get attached and to not develop feelings, but this is making a bit hard.

Does anyone have any opinions or advice on my situation?

Your post makes me very sad

I hope for your sake he has developed feelings for you the way you have obviously developed some for him, but don't count on it.

There's an expression...why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Stop what you are doing right now and be true to who you REALLY are. You deserve better than just a "friends with benefits" relationship. Love yourself enough to believe that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,956,915 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Your post makes me very sad
I was about to write the very same thing. Why do young girls feel they have to sell themselves soooo short so early in life?! Those arrangements may have their place later for various reasons, but why so early?! Why for the first time?!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:25 PM
 
19 posts, read 29,046 times
Reputation: 16
Now I feel really bad :/
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:26 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,826,587 times
Reputation: 7058
Why don't people just date? lol ..... are people in general that feeble and obtuse?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:27 PM
 
380 posts, read 793,178 times
Reputation: 463
Dont feel bad. But dont start getting attached to this guy. Likely, he has done this sort of things with multiple girls so I would definitely suggest you get tested. ASAP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,370,072 times
Reputation: 40196
Quote:
Originally Posted by electronicxx View Post
Now I feel really bad :/
We aren't trying to make you feel badly honey - we are honestly trying to share some wisdom with you!

Do you ever watch Glee? There was a scene on last night's episode where the character Kurt and his dad have the "sex talk". It was one of the best written scenes on tv in a very long time.

Here is an excerpt...just think about it okay?

When it comes to sex, you’ve got to know that it means something.

It’s doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you’re just having fun….

When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything, but when you’re ready.

I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person.

Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,645 posts, read 34,134,862 times
Reputation: 76673
Quote:
Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter.
I was thinking of this exact line when I read the OP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,652 posts, read 4,785,033 times
Reputation: 2331
Quote:
Originally Posted by electronicxx View Post
There is this guy I've been talking to since about December. He's very attractive and we have similar interests. We go to the same school and met online before we met in person and are both around the same age (20 and 21). We would talk pretty often on facebook and exchanged numbers and then finally met randomly one day at school. After that, we hung out a few times in february. He had always mentioned cuddling and stuff, so I was excited to see where this would go.

After hanging out for the first time, he texted me to let me know that he wasn't looking for anything serious. I said I wasn't really either, so we agreed on cuddling next time we were to hang out. So that's what we did. Plus making out.

A few weeks later though, he asked me to stay the night. I did, and things went quite a bit further. I lost my virginity to him. The way I've been looking at this relationship is just as friends with benefits. But the same thing happened again last night, only this time, I was awoken by a morning kiss and left with a kiss goodbye as I left.

I know everyone has different takes on friends with benefits relationships, but from what I've read, most people agree that it's simply just for the pleasure of the sex and not much more. Meaning not usually staying over and, from how I've taken things, none of the little extra things like the cute kisses. Or am I wrong?

I've been telling myself to not get attached and to not develop feelings, but this is making a bit hard.

Does anyone have any opinions or advice on my situation?
FWB or jumpoffs are great for people who understand and obey the rules. I had one and we talked once a week. Anything else was hookup conversation. I kissed him on the cheek good night only.

Not sure this is the right fit for you, because you were a virgin. I hope you aren't trying to change this guy into your boyfriend.

How about you set your own boundaries. Like he said, "nothing serious". Sounds like you are too available to him.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-09-2011, 02:30 PM
 
19 posts, read 29,046 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
We aren't trying to make you feel badly honey - we are honestly trying to share some wisdom with you!

Do you ever watch Glee? There was a scene on last night's episode where the character Kurt and his dad have the "sex talk". It was one of the best written scenes on tv in a very long time.

Here is an excerpt...just think about it okay?

When it comes to sex, you’ve got to know that it means something.

It’s doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you’re just having fun….

When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything, but when you’re ready.

I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person.

Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter.
Oh gosh. I watched last night's episode when I got home from his place. I cried and immediately thought it was a sign that what I'm doing isn't necessarily the right thing for me. I know I can do better than just FWB, but at the same time, I don't feel extremely bad about it. It's a weird situation that I never thought I would find myself in.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top