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Old 03-10-2011, 07:51 AM
 
132 posts, read 364,328 times
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How do you feel about this..? I'm not even sure what currently separated really entails (or in a legal context) with regards to marriage/divorce.. So, is he still married? Honestly, I know very little about how divorce works. Does divorce differ from state to state, we are in PA.

Can this backfire on me?.. I can see the ex coming after me with a knife or gun. I don't need that kind of drama. Additionally, I haven't asked him any details about the divorce, I told him he can always talk to me about it when he is ready.

IDK, your advice would be greatly appreciated. (I start work at 9am so I will reply around 5 or 6pm.)
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Old 03-10-2011, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,858 posts, read 41,672,756 times
Reputation: 58508
Did that once. He was in the military. Then he ended up having to go to Iraq and he pulled the divorce. It was the messiest most painful time of my life. So, I don't know....I would enter into the relationship cautiously.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:02 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,343,979 times
Reputation: 3940
How do you feel about this..? I'm not even sure what currently seperated really entails (or in a legal context) with regards to marriage.. So, is he still married? Honestly, I know very little about how divorce works. Does divorce differ from state to state, I'm in PA. Can this backfire on me?.. I can see the ex coming after me with a knife or gun. I don't need that kind of drama. Additionally, I haven't asked him any details about the divorce, I told him he can always talk to me about it when he is ready. IDK, your advice would be greatly appreciated. (I start work at 9am so I will reply around 5 or 6pm.)

Depends. It can mean someone who has officially moved out and is required by law to wait a year before filing for divorce (not sure on PA.) More commonly, I think it means someone who has moved out and is no longer living with their spouse but not yet filed for divorce. They are legally still completely married.

There are different schools of thought on when it is okay to date along the "divorce spectrum." Some say not until the ink is dried and the divorce is finalized. Others say not until the divorce is filed but it's okay during the interim while you're waiting for it to finalize (in some states, it takes 6 months to a year from when the paperwork is first filed.) Others say it's okay to date when you're just "separated" like your guy is, where he's still legally married to her, but not living with her.

The trouble is, you have no way to know what he is going to do. Many times someone separates from their spouse because of problems in the marriage and they want to have fun for awhile, to see what else is out there. They aren't dating because they are truly available and have finished their old business, but because they want to kick back and sow their wild oats. He may be trying to do this. Or, he may realize he doesn't want to give up his home and go back to his wife. The further along you get in the divorce process, the better the chances are that it will go through. Right now all he has to do to go back is return home.

There's also the very real possibility that his wife has no idea that he is dating, or that he is dating around on the sly while pretending to be fully married to her (i.e. they aren't "separated" at all.) More than one guy has attempted to pull that line in the past, so just be careful and don't get in too deep without some real answers. If he's choosing to date while separated, he should be prepared to talk about it honestly, not string you along. If he can't do that, he's not ready to date.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:09 AM
 
220 posts, read 459,679 times
Reputation: 335
If you're planning on entering into a relationship with this man, you should definitely get DETAILS about his "seperation". There's no walking on eggshells and tip-toeing around his feelings because at the end of the day, YOUR feelings can be at stake here. You need to get him to lay it all out on the table and then decide if/how you'd like to proceed.

Good luck!
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 16,477,253 times
Reputation: 9275
There will no doubt be someone who says Don't do it, they never leave their wives. But the divorce courts suggest otherwise. Just the same, I don't think it's worth the hassle. It might be better to tell him to look you up if he's ever free. Then, don't hold your breath. If it happens, it happens. Best of luck to you.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:17 AM
 
Location: bold new city of the south
5,181 posts, read 3,792,731 times
Reputation: 6113
Quote:
Originally Posted by BCBGirl View Post
How do you feel about this..? I'm not even sure what currently separated really entails (or in a legal context) with regards to marriage/divorce.. So, is he still married? Honestly, I know very little about how divorce works. Does divorce differ from state to state, we are in PA.

Can this backfire on me?.. I can see the ex coming after me with a knife or gun. I don't need that kind of drama. Additionally, I haven't asked him any details about the divorce, I told him he can always talk to me about it when he is ready.

IDK, your advice would be greatly appreciated. (I start work at 9am so I will reply around 5 or 6pm.)
Yes, they are still married. It's called adultry.

Remember, there are always two sides to a story. You are getting one side. Are you willing to bet your life on it??????????
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,019 posts, read 7,219,064 times
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It's always good to start with good information. You need it to make choices that work for you. I think the best indications of separation are living separately and having filed for divorce, regardless of where things are in the process. Where you go with this may also depend on your age and relationship goals. If you're young and seeking marriage to start a family, then his status will matter far more than it would to someone older who does not necessarily require marriage.

Also, if he's truly separated, the concerns over violence from his ex are exaggerated, unless they have a history of violence. Again, ask him.

Whether your relationship has a future or not, probably doesn't differ from any other situation where one or both are coming out of long term relationships. That depends on too many individual factors to even guess.

Personally, once we filed for divorce, it took 8 years to complete. That may be a record for my lawyer, but my ex wouldn't settle out of greed until there was nothing else she could do about it. That's very unusual. In the meantime, I wasn't going to wait for those final papers to move on with my life, and soon after separating and dating again, I met someone who was ideal for me and we had a great relationship all that time. Once the divorce was final, we got married - more because we felt like it than because either of us needed it, believed in it, or expected it.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:35 AM
 
Location: On Our Boat
6,492 posts, read 14,915,703 times
Reputation: 4070
A Legal Separation means: Unlike divorce, a legal separation does not put an end to the marriage. During a legal separation, you have a court order that outlines the rights and responsibilities of each spouse while they are living apart. You remain legally married while choosing to live separate lives. Issues that can be addressed in a separation agreement are division of assets and debts, child custody and child support, visitation schedules and spousal support. (This comes from researching the words, Legal Separation on the Internet)
And, by the way, having a relationship with someone while legally separated is NOT adultry! Only thing to remember is......this is ONLY a Legal Separation which means that a divorce may or may not happen. So, if you get involved with someone going thru this and they decide they want to return to their spouse......bye, bye to you!!
Also, be aware that getting involved with someone in this situation can be dangerous..........just like getting involved with someone going thru a divorce can be. Jealousy can put it's ugly face into these situations. So, BEWARE!! Relationships are much easier to start/continue when both parties are completely single!!
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:54 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 3,962,382 times
Reputation: 3286
Quote:
Originally Posted by BCBGirl View Post
How do you feel about this..? I'm not even sure what currently separated really entails (or in a legal context) with regards to marriage/divorce.. So, is he still married? Honestly, I know very little about how divorce works. Does divorce differ from state to state, we are in PA.

Can this backfire on me?.. I can see the ex coming after me with a knife or gun. I don't need that kind of drama. Additionally, I haven't asked him any details about the divorce, I told him he can always talk to me about it when he is ready.

IDK, your advice would be greatly appreciated. (I start work at 9am so I will reply around 5 or 6pm.)

Has he filed for divorce? or legal seperation? do you know if they are going to get back together?
Why do you think she is crazy? or could be?
Yes they are still legally married?
You should be asking these questions and he should be answering you.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,693,356 times
Reputation: 22814
It's a mess best avoided.
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