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half of this country self medicates in one form or another. did you say you were in a bar? were you drinking? xanax, drinking, what's the difference.? i'm not saying it's a good thing but if you are gonna cut out anyone that takes a xanax to calm down you will eliminate 1/2 the population. i wish you well, and good luck.
Well, I wouldn't date them. I used to have very bad anxiety and so has my mother and we believe that xanax is particular is very habit forming. Yes, if you take xanax and you don't actually have anxiety, then you will probably turn-off about half of the population.
I prefer and I'm sure there are others who can admire when someone deals with their problems in a natural way, be it going through all of their emotions, mourning for a period of time, picking up new hobbies, etc.
You didn't read the whole post if this is how you're responding
I doubt most of the people that are giving me a hard time about this would be willing to date someone who said all of the things he said about his ex that soon. It couldn't have been more obvious he wasn't over her, and unless you have an anxiety disorder, taking xanax to deal with your problems is pathetic and I don't want to be involved with a man like that.
No, I think most of the people on here would consider it something of a red flag if a guy talked about his ex so much. However, what you did in leaving like that was incredibly rude, and to them complain that he: 1. Didn't chase after you begging you to stay and 2. Didn't try to kiss you after you abandoned him mid-date is a little overly dramatic.
Additionally, it's pretty judgmental to sit there saying that popping a Xanax when you're suffering from anxiety is fine for you, your mother, your friends, your relatives, someone scared of getting on a plane... but when it's this guy, somehow that makes him "pathetic." Have a little compassion. You don't know what's going on in his head. Some people feel things deeper than you do and they take the ending of a relationship pretty hard. Even if you don't want to date the guy again, that's no reason to treat him like he's less than human, like he's some dog who should chase after you begging for scraps while you flounce off in a huff mid-date.
I doubt most of the people that are giving me a hard time about this would be willing to date someone who said all of the things he said about his ex that soon. It couldn't have been more obvious he wasn't over her, and unless you have an anxiety disorder, taking xanax to deal with your problems is pathetic and I don't want to be involved with a man like that.
He told me where she was from, that she had a dog and a cat, that she was a teacher, and that they were going to move to Georgia but at the last minute Florida, and that they split up 6 months go and she got engaged 3 months ago to some other person, and he seemed really sad when he was saying these things like he was about to cry.
Why should I play games and pretend I want to be at a bar with a guy at 10:30pm who is suppose to be a "date" who is telling me all of these things about his ex.
I'm not the person to come to if you're looking for pity, I wasn't looking for a charity case to comfort I was looking for a cute guy to hit it off with.
We met online its not like he is a friend of mine
I think you are very immature and it's all about you. I know you're 22 but have a little compassion. Ok, so he's not over his ex. He's trying to move on. Something struck him about talking about his ex while talking to you. Could have been the drinking, could have been what you were talking about, whatever. Ok, so he confines in you about his ex. It's quite clear that he's not over her as he's talking to you. That's all you had to do was listen and maybe that's all he wanted someone to do. Listen, tell him sorry about what happened to his gf, talk alittle more and then leave. If he calls or emails again, then that's all you had to say was that you think he's not ready to date and you're dating someone else (even if you're not). End of story. BUT you had to run out of the bar dramatically thinking that some guy that you dated twice is going to run out begging for you to come back and you're were going to have this passionate kiss and...you built this dramatic, passionate scenerio in your mind.
And for you to bring up that he had ONE just one Xanex because of his breakup and you're going to hold that against someone. You need to grow up. Really.
I doubt most of the people that are giving me a hard time about this would be willing to date someone who said all of the things he said about his ex that soon.
Agreed. However, most of us might handle things differently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini
It couldn't have been more obvious he wasn't over her, and unless you have an anxiety disorder, taking xanax to deal with your problems is pathetic and I don't want to be involved with a man like that.
He told me where she was from, that she had a dog and a cat, that she was a teacher, and that they were going to move to Georgia but at the last minute Florida, and that they split up 6 months go and she got engaged 3 months ago to some other person, and he seemed really sad when he was saying these things like he was about to cry.
Why should I play games and pretend I want to be at a bar with a guy at 10:30pm who is suppose to be a "date" who is telling me all of these things about his ex.
I'm not the person to come to if you're looking for pity, I wasn't looking for a charity case to comfort I was looking for a cute guy to hit it off with.
We met online its not like he is a friend of mine
So why, why, WHY did you want him to try to stop you from leaving, if you were this convinced?? If he had followed your unspoken rule, you admitted you might have reconsidered. *That* is a game.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini
LMAO! Good thinking.
This just sucks, right when I think I have something promising BAM! A man talking about his ex too soon is the biggest turn off for me. Period.
If he would have shown some emotion or came after me, I probably would have changed my mine.
He hasn't called or texted me. I honestly wish he would have, I kind of want to contact him but I don't want to seem desperate. Its 12:30am now, I'm so confused.
I guess I should sleep on it.
All he did was say too much too soon, but he didn't play by your rules. And when you posted this thread, you were still undecided about this man. You were still hoping for a call or text. You seem pretty convinced, now, 16 hours later...
What if he had shown emotion, or come after you?? Or called? Or texted? Honestly, would you have given him another chance?
No, I think most of the people on here would consider it something of a red flag if a guy talked about his ex so much. However, what you did in leaving like that was incredibly rude, and to them complain that he: 1. Didn't chase after you begging you to stay and 2. Didn't try to kiss you after you abandoned him mid-date is a little overly dramatic.
Additionally, it's pretty judgmental to sit there saying that popping a Xanax when you're suffering from anxiety is fine for you, your mother, your friends, your relatives, someone scared of getting on a plane... but when it's this guy, somehow that makes him "pathetic." Have a little compassion. You don't know what's going on in his head. Some people feel things deeper than you do and they take the ending of a relationship pretty hard. Even if you don't want to date the guy again, that's no reason to treat him like he's less than human, like he's some dog who should chase after you begging for scraps while you flounce off in a huff mid-date.
I have never taken it but my mom used to and it took her a while to stop using them. I don't know why you are attacking me, stating your oppinion once or twice is fine, but we will just have to agree to disagree with what was right and wrong about this situation.
Think about what? It was two dates. They barely know each other.
You are right, she doesn't need drama. So she needed to go. Even if he came back and said he is over it and ready, who is to know for sure? You risk his infatuation with the ex causing even more issues down the road.
I get it that she decided he wasn't ready to date so didn't want to invest any more time in the relationship, but there was no need to leave in a huff and then wonder why he didn't chase after her and try to kiss her.
The abrupt leave-taking was uncalled for and her comments about what happened afterward just strike me as strange.
I have never taken it but my mom used to and it took her a while to stop using them. I don't know why you are attacking me, stating your oppinion once or twice is fine, but we will just have to agree to disagree with what was right and wrong about this situation.
I'm not seeing much "attacking" going on... certainly not in the post you quoted. I'm seeing people responding to a question you asked, "Was I right to leave?". Disagreeing isn't "attacking". Elaborating isn't "attacking".
Quote:
He didn't try to kiss me or come towards me or anything, what a bummer!
I feel crummy. Was I right for leaving?
I'm trying to figure out what is even going on, here. Do you like this guy, or not? Did you make your OP for validation, to alleviate a guilty conscience, or was it an honest question? If you were honestly asking a question, some say yes, some say no, and most say "Yes, but...".
The situation is confusing: you're out with a guy you like, had a good time at dinner, he talks too much about inappropriate things to discuss so early on, you decide you can't stay any longer, he asks if he'll see you again, you say "No", he doesn't follow you out or try to kiss you, and you come here saying you're hoping he'll call or text, and if he'd tried to come after you, you might have given him another chance. Now he's not someone you can get involved with, period. Fine. But what about the original question?? If he had texted/called/kissed/chased you, would you have posted this thread? None of the circumstances would have changed: he still went on about his ex, and he still told you he had to take a xanax. But if he had played the game right, apparently those things would have been something you could have worked through.
I'm getting the impression you don't really want to hear anything other than "Yes, you were right.". Most answers have been more along the lines of "Yes, but...". And the "but" is misconstrued as an "attack".
It's really not a yes/no question. And if you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question!
I think you did the right thing. Even if he seems like a very respectable guy, it's obvious he's not over his ex, 3 months is way too little time to be over a 5-year relationship.
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