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So . . . I understand why 50 -58 year old men want to date 35-45 year old women – and have no problem that . . . basically. But where does that leave me? Who does a 50 year old woman go out with if she’s 10-20 years too old to date men her own age?
And why do slightly above average looking men over 50 think that an attractive 35 year old woman would be interested in going out with them? Don't get me wrong. They're nice men. I'd go out with them. But do they really think a 35 year old would be interested in them?
Me? I’m in No Man’s Land. Literally. My dating pool has become a dating pond. (Yikes!) Even though I’m active, attractive, fit, thoroughly enjoy sex and have more in common with them than a 38 year old does --- it will never happen. My online dating profile will never, ever make it to their inbox because they’ve listed the maximum age as 50. I’ll never come up as a possible match simply because I’m 52 (which is still younger than they are).
Somewhat ironically, I can almost guarantee that the reason these same men are so frustrated with online dating . . . the reason those 38 or 42 year old women don’t answer their emails . . . or if they do, don’t want to actually go out and meet them . . . is because the 38 year old women think 54 year old men are just too old. I was a 38 year old woman once. Trust me, the thought of going out with someone over 50 was just icky.
Would men really rather be rejected by 38 year olds than consider going out with a 52 year old woman who would actually enjoy seeing/talking/being with them and would actually look forward to their company? Do men realize that there’s a huge, untapped market out there? That they could be a big fish in a small pond?
This post really isn’t meant as a rant. I would actually like a man’s opinion. Hmmmm. Wait a minute. Maybe that’s not altogether true. Actually, I guess if I’m honest about it . . . maybe I’m just trying to get at least one man to look at his dating preferences differently. I guess I feel like if I could talk one man into considering the idea of contacting a 52 year old woman or going out with a woman that’s within 5-10 years of his own age – I’d consider it a success. (And ... maybe I’m just really thinking waaaaay too much tonight.)
I think the short answer to your questions is, not everyone thinks like you do. In my younger years, I found several women were interested in older men. It wasn't always older men looking for younger women as you seem to think. I personally have no interest in younger women, they just don't have the life experiences older women have.
It's the way it is. Men tend to go younger if they can, and since age range is a criterion one must check off online, this basic truth is even more stark. I'm 40, and yes, the men who I feel should be writing you are writing me. I would suggest you write to men yourself regardless of the age range they have checked off.
If I were a 50 year old man I'm not sure I would want to date 50 year old women either. I'm in my 40s and a lot of women my age seem kind of boring and I can't relate to them. It isn't about being physically active, it's a mindset. Of course, a lot of older guys have that mindset as well.
OP, I feel your pain and I'm the same age and having the same problems. How about this priceless gem that a man laid on me on a 3rd date, no less: "Well, I really like you and all but I don't think I'd be able to get it up with you b/c I've been seeing this really hot 35 yo." This was in a restaurant and long before the subject of sex was due to come up.
On dating sites I certainly don't suffer from the full inbox syndrome that the younger women have, though it's interesting to me that just as many young men write as men my age. And then there's the 90 yo who thought he had a chance with me at a dance a couple of weeks ago. . . Well it makes for good comedy. The bright side is that I've started dancing with a group of folks around my age and while I haven't dated anyone there yet, a lot of that is because I'm kind of laying back and waiting to see who I want to go out with first and there are plenty of men there who are dating women their own age. I'm just thinking that online dating is not the way to go for women our age.
At your age a 3rd date is "way too early for the subject of sex to come up" ??? hmmm. most guys your age are ready for sex by the 3rd or 4th date. just saying...
I'm just thinking that online dating is not the way to go for women our age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
I disagree. But that's just my experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
The biological imperative - even for older men - is driven by reproductive cues, and older women don't give off those cues. Getting around this requires that a man understand this and be a little more rational about choosing a partner who is actually compatible. And even then, an older attractive woman will have an edge over those who are less so. In your case, OP, that does not sound like the issue - I think it's just that the compatible men who will date in your age range are mostly taken already.
Well Chessie, there may be other factors, like you might be very very attractive. My problem is that I have no clue yet, but based on the amount of men who contact me in OL dating, probably not very. But that's not what I wanted to say--I think TaoistDude hit the real issue at its core--we need time to be around men--they don't work quickly at this age, many are settled in their ways, and they need to get to know us to be attracted to us. It doesn't work this way in OL dating where they mainly just go look at a picture and make their decision based on your hotness. I have met several men in OL dating that I had brilliant letters from and was attracted to, but nothing was there when I met them. When I meet them IRL, I know before the first date if something is likely to be there and I tend to attract more attractive and intelligent men IRL than OL--but I suppose that's true of all of us.
And pkrplr1, LOL. I didn't mean months but I was pretty sure the issue wasn't due to come up that night. I generally like to wait until I'm sure it's going to be a relationship before I do that--FWB "relationships" are just not for me. I'm not prudish, but I get emotional. This man had been behaving as if he might be seeking a relationship, and then he dropped that little tidbit into the conversation so I guess he met the hottie between date #2 and date #3.
Nah, stepka, I'm 49 and as I was growing up date 3 was still early and thought of a real budding realtionship was expected before sex was going to enter the picture. I dont know that I ever heard of an expecting timing for it, seemed to me that it was something you played by ear and when it was right it was right. I was small town though, maybe in the city things moved faster. Plus that was a few decades ago.... Sigh.
As to the former I have never read any data that relates but the concept seems sound to me. I have never been involved in online dating but I can see how I might place more weight on looks in that venue when lacking other cues I would have real life.
I'm not ready yet anyways as I'm just now climbing bit by bit out of the bad place but I had intended to seek from those around me. I am quite active so I expect I will be meeting people in my travels and possibly someone foolish enough to take an interest in damaged goods like me. I guess that leads me to my last thought. People I know my age that are single, divorced, etc are out doing things. You got no love in your life so you fill it with something else. Attending and engaging in various activities that interest you should put you face to face with some of these men.
Your one statement contradicts your other. If you are not dating the same age then your experience has no relevance to the thread. Note: I think it is fine to date whoever wants to go out with you as long as they fit the game laws.
No, it does not.
There are plenty of men in the range that the OP is asking about...that I have seen online, here.
At your age a 3rd date is "way too early for the subject of sex to come up" ??? hmmm. most guys your age are ready for sex by the 3rd or 4th date. just saying...
Ummm....no, I have to disagree with that too. I've had several lengthy relationships over the past 6 years or so, and most of the men preferred to NOT push the sex that soon. And that was great, as far as I was concerned. Yes, there are always a few looking for it sooner, but most, for me, are quite content to wait.
There are plenty of men in the range that the OP is asking about...that I have seen online, here.
I have always dated younger men.
Now. How is that contradictory?
I have no idea what you mean by "game laws".
Yes it does. Sorry that it is beyond your comprehension level as to why. I would explain it again if I thought you were capable of getting it but I do not see that as being likely. Suffice to say, the OP is lamenting the fact that her age men are seeking younger women. Your advice is to have her seek younger men instead, like you do. Not particular germane.
Game laws says you got to let the young ones off the hook or those not meeting the minimum size.
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(Yikes!) Even though I’m active, attractive, fit, thoroughly enjoy sex and have more in common with them than a 38 year old does --- it will never happen. My online dating profile will never, ever make it to their inbox because they’ve listed the maximum age as 50. I’ll never come up as a possible match simply because I’m 52 (which is still younger than they are). 
This was in a restaurant and long before the subject of sex was due to come up. 
I've had several lengthy relationships over the past 6 years or so, and most of the men preferred to NOT push the sex that soon. And that was great, as far as I was concerned. Yes, there are always a few looking for it sooner, but most, for me, are quite content to wait.
