Why do I only attract women who are helpless and needy (dating, marriage)
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Since my marriage of 24 yrs ended 4 yrs ago I have had 3 relationships, all of which were with women who's lives were total craziness. And after each time I swore I would not do it again but then the next one comes along, helpless, needy, like a lost puppy dog I just can't turn away from.
I am 53 and they have all been at least 10 yrs younger than me. All of them have been victimized by seemingly every past man in their lives. For whatever reason they quickly become very attached to me emotionally and then I feel obligated to them.
The thing is I recognize all the red flags they put up but I don't turn and run.
I only run when i invariably realize that I am getting nothing back from them emotionally, it's all going out.
I just once would like to be in a relationship where someone cares about my needs as much as I do there's.
Since my marriage of 24 yrs ended 4 yrs ago I have had 3 relationships, all of which were with women who's lives were total craziness. And after each time I swore I would not do it again but then the next one comes along, helpless, needy, like a lost puppy dog I just can't turn away from.
I am 53 and they have all been at least 10 yrs younger than me. All of them have been victimized by seemingly every past man in their lives. For whatever reason they quickly become very attached to me emotionally and then I feel obligated to them.
The thing is I recognize all the red flags they put up but I don't turn and run.
I only run when i invariably realize that I am getting nothing back from them emotionally, it's all going out.
I just once would like to be in a relationship where someone cares about my needs as much as I do there's.
The question is not why you keep attracting those types of women... this kind of woman approaches any man--but why you keep saying yes to this type of woman, even knowing that she's a bad idea.
If you don't want someone needy, helpless, like the lost puppy dog you describe, then you need to stop agreeing to date them. Make a list for yourself of what you need in a relationship, and if a woman doesn't meet those minimal qualifications, don't let things get started.
You also might consider dating women your own age, rather than looking for someone more than 10 years younger than you. It's not uncommon for men to want to reclaim their youth or feel younger by having a hot babe on their arm, but I think seeking a much younger woman at your age may set you up to be used more often than not. I might look for a peer, someone your own age or 5 years older/younger who can be more of your equal.
Cheer up wizeguy, your turn will come, not all women are "needy".You say that they become very quickly emotionally attached to you.......,and then you also say you run when you feel you're "getting nothing back emotionally".....Are you sure it's not you who is holding back??There may be a lot of crazy women out there, but believe me, there are also a lot of good women with a lot of love to give.
I went through a period of time after my divorce from my ex, when I was 21. Every man I encountered was needy. After the third, I realized I was offering my assistance to their neediness, creating a magnet for them to latch onto. I disassociated myself from the third, and afterward if a guy even complained about a hang nail I was communicating a message for him to handle his own problems. My dates suddenly were self-supporting, and my DH is completely self-supporting, as well as loving.
A relation requires two people that can stand on their own without leaning on another. If you provide a crutch, prepare to be one the rest of your life. In doing so, you are not doing yourself or them any favors.
"Broken Wing Syndrome" - common for guys our age. Younger women see us as stable and wise, and if you don't get outright friend-zoned you become a support system.
The thing is I recognize all the red flags they put up but I don't turn and run.
You've solved your own dilemma. You don't owe these women anything but basic common courtesy, so next time you see these red flags, make a clean break. "I'm sorry, but I just don't think it's going to work out."
"Broken Wing Syndrome" - common for guys our age. Younger women see us as stable and wise, and if you don't get outright friend-zoned you become a support system.
He's 53. If the women he is dating are in their late 30s and early 40s, their issues are more a product of their heads than their age. Most women outgrow that whole "man as support system" thing by the time they hit their mid-20s -- or should. That's if they even thought in such an unhealthy way to begin with.
Well functioning people get exactly what they want. If you want to know what someone wants, look at what they have. Well functioning means people who can cope OK with every day life. you are well functioning. You are getting the broken wings. Ergo you want the broken wings. You may not know it consciously but I guaranty you that is what you want. Listen to me carefully. I'll save you $100,000 in therapy to avoid my decades of drama laden bimbos with ex-husbands, credit troubles, custody issues, etc.
You have to act as if you want a strong, capable, responsible woman in your life and she will come.
He's 53. If the women he is dating are in their late 30s and early 40s, their issues are more a product of their heads than their age. Most women outgrow that whole "man as support system" thing by the time they hit their mid-20s -- or should. That's if they even thought in such an unhealthy way to begin with.
I think the bolded phrase is key - they should.
Sometimes they don't. Hence, broken wings...and the men who love them.
You know how the tale goes about women wanting to "change" a bad boy? Think the same way with guys and these walking wounded - they appeal to the fixer-upper mentality of a lot of us guys.
A few power tools, some WD-40 and they'll be right as rain.
People attract people as emotionally healthy or emotionally unhealthy as themselves.
As h886 said, the needy types try to cling to everyone. They are rejected (as partners) by those that are emotionally healthy and seeking an emotionally healthy partner. The fact that you have repeated the same mistake three times, each time resolving to not do it again (and then doing it again) would indicate that ideally, you need to get healthier yourself before you embark on another relationship. You aren't making wise choices grasshopper. Find out why.
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