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So many people here would end the relationship based on one act of sexual betrayal.
And yet many of these same people would stay for multiple acts of other kinds of betrayal. I know, because it happens every day in marriage (disrespectful treatment, name calling, hurting feelings/pushing buttons on purpose, outright LYING)...
Wonder why people decided to draw the line at sex and put up with so much other b.s.?
Fits the description of one of my best friends. His wife was the biggest ***** in the world. Everyone knew it and he was in denial of it. She belittled him treated him like crap even in front of their friends. She would insult and antagonize him day and night. He responded in kind, which wasn't right either but that is how many relationships are. She would say he had a little penis, he would respond that she was a fat cow! It was a horrible relationship. He eventually had an affair with a wonderful woman who he is still with. The now ex wife was pissed. She would go up and down because of his affair. come to find out the ex had an affair with a married man before my friend married her.
So many people here would end the relationship based on one act of sexual betrayal.
And yet many of these same people would stay for multiple acts of other kinds of betrayal. I know, because it happens every day in marriage (disrespectful treatment, name calling, hurting feelings/pushing buttons on purpose, outright LYING)...
Wonder why people decided to draw the line at sex and put up with so much other b.s.?
Well it is a serious infraction against your partner...sex is the one thing you are supposed to only share with one other, unless you have a different arrangement.... Having sex with someone else is directly stating something is wrong with your relationship and you chose to go outside for that affection.
I think it would be really hard to get over the betrayal...but I think it's possible if the person is truly remorseful, a good person, and wants to recommit. However...if they were to do it again at that point I would figure it's time to end the relationship.
It is sad to see people lose respect for one another and if people are engaging in that they are on a slower downward slide.
So many people here would end the relationship based on one act of sexual betrayal.
And yet many of these same people would stay for multiple acts of other kinds of betrayal. I know, because it happens every day in marriage (disrespectful treatment, name calling, hurting feelings/pushing buttons on purpose, outright LYING)...
Wonder why people decided to draw the line at sex and put up with so much other b.s.?
While you might say something without thinking when angry, having sex is a conscious decision. Getting mad and calling me a name in an argument is very different from sleeping with someone else. I don't recall anything about never calling me names in our wedding vows but I do remember the part about forsaking all others.
Some things we do on accident when frustrated and they can be forgiven. Having sex with someone else takes forethought. It's a planned action. Now if I found out my husband was planning arguments just so he could call me names, he'd be out the door.
It's the difference between and accident and an on purpose. The affair is a purposeful betrayal of the deepest kind.
To be fair, everybody lies to an extent. We all have moral blemishes, and anyone who claims otherwise is a liar. You seem to be painting cheaters as being deeply flawed compared to everyone else, but we are all human. You may be right that "the kind that cheat aren't good," but morally they probably aren't particularly worse than anyone else.
Yes we do but there are degrees of lies. There is a huge difference between my husband lying when I ask "Does this make me look fat?" and him sleeping with someone else. Yes, we all tell our little white lies and we, usually, tell them to spare the feelings of others. Affairs are never to spare the feelings of others. They're just the act of a selfish person getting his/her rocks off.
Yes we do but there are degrees of lies. There is a huge difference between my husband lying when I ask "Does this make me look fat?" and him sleeping with someone else. Yes, we all tell our little white lies and we, usually, tell them to spare the feelings of others. Affairs are never to spare the feelings of others. They're just the act of a selfish person getting his/her rocks off.
Again, if only life were really that black and white
I am trying to figure out the reasons that drives men to seek relationship away from their marriage.
Would you admit it was selfish?
Was there something a lot more complex than just being selfish?
Could anything have been done by a spouse that would have prevented it?
Did you regret your cheating and thought it was a mistake?
Would you try to reconcile with your wife?
Women's opinion is also welcome.
You know the best explanation I ever heard was from Bill Maher a life long bachelor....he said its not that men are looking for something better...its just something new.....new set of boobs, new cooch, new! I don't know why I tend to believe this because its just sooo simple and uncomplicated and not deep at all. Even when a man realizes how good he might have it in a marraige or relationship.
Oooor like in "Moonstruck", Olympia Dukakis' character asked the same question to men and the one that made sense to her was "men are afraid to die". Yeah, well, it didn't make sense to me either, but its a good a reason as any. Good luck!
I think it's more than a little disingenuous to see any issue as one of totally black/white, right/wrong. Some individual cases may be, of course. However, the totally polarized view can be very self-serving, because it automatically absolves the person judging from any responsibility. Sometimes they have no fault, but that's extremely rare from what I've seen. My ex had that kind of bipolar attitude, and was righteously sure she was right even when she could be proved wrong.
While you might say something without thinking when angry, having sex is a conscious decision. .
The actual having of the sex might be conscious (depending on your level of intoxication, emotional turmoil, etc), but if I am allowed to call you a bad name or say something completely earth shattering just because I've lost my temper and had a momentary lapse of judgment, how is that any different?
I say you control yourself one way or another...you can't excuse one while condemning your marriage to divorce for the other. Both could involve sudden desperate moments charged with furiously churning emotions.
Frankly, I would rather poke myself in the eye than call my wife a bad name or say something insulting/hurtful on purpose. And no matter how angry I have gotten, I have never seen that as an excuse to cheat or to blurt out obscenities or irrelevant, hurtful stuff.
I saw a thread on here about forgiving a single act of infidelity and I got to thinking why would there even be one act?
You see, I love my fiance quite a lot. We communicate well and have a general good time with one another over all. Granted there are peaks and valleys, but there is is always love between us. I could never cheat on her.
My fiance is my best friend, lover and one day my wife and mother of our children. She so fills my life that can't even fathom such a horrible act.
So tell me, why would people do it. They obviously got in their current relationship for some reason or another. So why be so heartless and cruel to commit, what in my mind, is an unforgivable act?
There are tons of reason on why people cheat, but is rarely the other parties' fault.
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