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me, I guess I'm to emotionally invested to make wise assumptions, your theroy sounds realistic, however, I do believe the man your speaking of, well they are few and far between...yanno? Perhaps I'm wrong?
I certainly hope, should I ever find myself unable to fulfill my marital obligation to my husband (in a sexual sense) that he would (safely) avail himself to the services of a professional before shacking up with a girlfriend on the side. Marriage is about respect, yanno?
what happens if a thread cheats on another thread. Say the nice guy thread cheated on the awesome girl thread? Oh who am I kidding the nice guy thread would never cheat. He would just complain about why all awesome girl threads treat him like crap and go with the bab boy threads.
what happens if a thread cheats on another thread. Say the nice guy thread cheated on the awesome girl thread? Oh who am I kidding the nice guy thread would never cheat. He would just complain about why all awesome girl threads treat him like crap and go with the bab boy threads.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA - Reps to you, best laugh I've had all day
what happens if a thread cheats on another thread. Say the nice guy thread cheated on the awesome girl thread? Oh who am I kidding the nice guy thread would never cheat. He would just complain about why all awesome girl threads treat him like crap and go with the bab boy threads.
Ditto on the reps, that was a pretty hilarious end to an engaging debate
what happens if a thread cheats on another thread. Say the nice guy thread cheated on the awesome girl thread? Oh who am I kidding the nice guy thread would never cheat. He would just complain about why all awesome girl threads treat him like crap and go with the bab boy threads.
Sorry for the misunderstanding but thank you for the clarification..
I take issue with the examples that you provided because in 2/3 of the situations the people that you mentioned had a choice to leave instead of finding solace in another.
You mentioned emotional survival, I think that if the circumstance that you are in is causing you such emotional distress that you should do everything in your power to remove yourself from that situation. I have been in that predicament before (emotionally abusive relationship) but that did not drive me to cheat, it drove me to get the hell away from that person once and for all..
The only example I think that makes cheating 'justifiable' that you mentioned was the husband whose wife was mentall illy, the other situations with the right support and guidance the cheaters IMO could/should have left. Children are not supposed to be used as leverage (however they often are) but depending on the circumstance she could have hired a lawyer or asked for some sort of consulation regarding her husbands threats of keeping her from their children.
The second example IMO the husband should have left, he seemed to be holding on to something that was not going to get any better- he tried and tried and nothing was helping, seemed like he was just trying to hold on to something that was not healthy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
To be clear, I never said it was "okay" to cheat
What I said was this:
SOME spouses contribute to their partners cheating by their own selfish, bad choices.
I also said some cheating is justifiable. A better choice of words would have been to say some cheating is understandable.
However, Merriam-Webster does define "justified" as "to prove to be just, right or reasonable".
To me, it is reasonable to expect that if a spouse withholds love, affection and sex from their partner for a long period of time (years) that that partner will begin to look elsewhere for it. As humans we are hardwired to seek connectedness to a partner. We actually crave it. And it is essential for our emotional survival at times.
I didn't say cheating was right. I didn't say that is what I would do.
I just said I can understand how cheating can occur in certain situations - and I gave 3 good examples of people I knew who had found themselves in those kinds of situations.
SOME people who cheat are low lifes looking to manipulate everything in life for their own pleasure.
Totally agree
On the rest, maybe we can agree to disagree?
Edited to add:
I just realized my 3 examples were on the other thread that was running at the same time as this one. Here is what I said there about good people who cheated: http://www.city-data.com/forum/relat...occurence.html
I guess you've never known some of the people I have.
How about a woman married to a controlling bully who intimidated her into believing she'd never see her kids again if she ever left him. So after years and years of this mistreatment she was so starved for affection she eventually fell into the arms of a coworker who saw her for the wonderful person she was and treated her kindly.
How about a man, a gentle, kind soul who begged his wife to go to marital counseling with him for years and years when she cut off all sexual contact after getting mad at him for taking a job transfer and moving the family to another state. After her refusal to work with him to address the issue for 6 years he meets a lovely woman who sees him for the treasure he is the rest is history.
About another sweetheart of a man who loved his wife dearly, stood by her, protected her for years, until she began to refuse to take her medication for bipolar disorder. Her erratic behavior put them tens of thousands of dollars in debt and she had to be hospitalized over and over again for suicide attempts. They had 4 children and divorce was not something he thought would make things any better. So for a few hours every week he sought solace from all the craziness and choas in the arms of an understanding friend who wanted nothing more than to comfort him.
I could go on and on, but hopefully you get my point.
Each one of the spouses in my scenarios who were cheated on greatly contributed to their spouses cheating.
But life is not black and white. There is a wide array of gray in between.
Some people are struggling with things you and I are blessed to not have to deal with.
I for one am not going to judge them for feeding their starving hearts.
SOME people who cheat are low lifes looking to manipulate everything in life for their own pleasure.
OTHER people are doing the best they can just to survive their lives.
Isn't it frustrating I remember wanting to rep lovesMountains for a bunch of posts but kept getting that popup whenever I tried lol!
Yup. I dunno. Maybe a per day cap would be better than having to seek out X number of other people to rep?
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