Guide to Dating - What Every Man Should Understand (girl, cheat, attracted)

[donie1]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

I didn't write this to solve all the world's dating issues. I felt that after reading a ton of the same types of threads I noticed a lot of people just have terrible mindsets when it comes to dating. I don't blame them as I had similar ones (I had negativity, had given up, generalized at some points), so I felt maybe this could be a short/quick reminder of how to look at dating in a different light. That was the biggest change for me, my viewpoint on dating and just looking at it from a different approach. Then everything got better gradually from there.



You can't control what other people do, but get used to dudes who will try to hurt your chances with a girl. Some guys are massively jealous, or maybe they feel like they need to watch out for their buddy's "girl" (you know, a guy likes a girl and thinks he's claimed her even though she doesn't have interest).

All you can do is rise above it and not let it bother you. Let's put it this way: If a guy tries to "cockblock" you and the girl drops you because of another guy's efforts...how much did she really like you? What does that speak about HER as a person? Do you want to date someone so easily influenced by others about false facts about you?

If she likes you, she'll want to be with you. That's the part a lot of people have a hard time realizing.



Why do you think you have a problem? I could say just from reading your posts that maybe confidence is an issue....why does there have to be something wrong? Dating isn't easy, it's hard to find the right girl. I was single for over 4 years, dated online for 1 year and a half before I met the right girl. It's not supposed to be easy, you're trying to find a one of a kind girl that is perfect for you in every way. If there were a million perfect girls for you running around then you wouldn't appreciate her when you find her.

Try to think about yourself in the sense that NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU and that you just haven't found the right person yet. I know it sounds cliche but that's a statement I truly believe in. In a country with an over 50% divorce rate, would you want to settle for anything less than a girl that is awesome for you? All you can do is increase your chances and improve yourself. The rest is out of your control and all you can do is keep putting yourself out there. If you're a good dude and you are confident that you have something to offer a woman and can make her happy....you'll find a girl that appreciates that. Try to find ways to reflect your good traits....play to your strengths.

Again, good post. I've changed my thinking in that something is wrong with these guys to maybe nothing is wrong but they just haven't meet the right one yet. And they do have to keep improving themselves and not become negative (I think that advice is for everyone, dating or not).

Oh, found out what cockblock meant. Never heard of that one.

[carra]

cdubs3201, sometimes it's more complex than just "a confidence issue". I'll explain to you my situation a little bit. I'll be brief, since I wouldn't want to hijack your thread, but you can read other posts by me for more info.

To summarize it all, see this picture here:
http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n519/mugencarra/Cambio-900.jpg (broken link)

Left pictures are nearly 3 years ago. The ones on the right were taken in 2010. As you can see there is a big difference, and not just physically. I improved my attitude, my style and my social life. My point here is that I'm one of the few people who did actually accept advice and put it into practice. It's not like I'm just sitting on the computer whining and not willing to accept critics or make efforts.

Now on to the real question. I am now much better than I used to be. You would think that women should acknowledge all that improvement, even if just a little, right? Wrong. Since my ex left me more than 2 years ago I haven't been able to have a single date. So, I'm not just imagining that I have a problem. It is very real.

In these last 2 years I have met quite a few people and I've had chance to speak, dance and even flirt with many women. Yes, I can actually talk to women (I don't get very nervous or anything like that). Usually I have no problem making friends, men or women. But none of them ever considers dating me. I've got fake numbers, flakes, "misunderstandings", and excuses of all kind. You could always say it's just bad luck, but with so many times for so long it's too much to be just casual. I've tried nearly anything (including not trying) but it never seems to be enough. Really frustrating when you have honestly given it your best.

[donie1]

Originally Posted by carra

cdubs3201, sometimes it's more complex than just "a confidence issue". I'll explain to you my situation a little bit. I'll be brief, since I wouldn't want to hijack your thread, but you can read other posts by me for more info.

To summarize it all, see this picture here:
http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n519/mugencarra/Cambio-900.jpg (broken link)

Left pictures are nearly 3 years ago. The ones on the right were taken in 2010. As you can see there is a big difference, and not just physically. I improved my attitude, my style and my social life. My point here is that I'm one of the few people who did actually accept advice and put it into practice. It's not like I'm just sitting on the computer whining and not willing to accept critics or make efforts.

Now on to the real question. I am now much better than I used to be. You would think that women should acknowledge all that improvement, even if just a little, right? Wrong. Since my ex left me more than 2 years ago I haven't been able to have a single date. So, I'm not just imagining that I have a problem. It is very real.

In these last 2 years I have met quite a few people and I've had chance to speak, dance and even flirt with many women. Yes, I can actually talk to women (I don't get very nervous or anything like that). Usually I have no problem making friends, men or women. But none of them ever considers dating me. I've got fake numbers, flakes, "misunderstandings", and excuses of all kind. You could always say it's just bad luck, but with so many times for so long it's too much to be just casual. I've tried nearly anything (including not trying) but it never seems to be enough. Really frustrating when you have honestly given it your best.

Wow, you're very nice looking! Even the photos from 3 years ago. I am coming to realize that it's hard to date in today's wannbe perfect society. I see it with my 2 kids. They are very decent,good people and they too, are having trouble meeting nice people to date. We have even kidded about going to another country to live to find people for them to date and marry. So I guess it is more wide spread then I imagined. What a depressing thought! But back to you, have you thought of maybe a singles cruise? Volunteering at activities you enjoy? I know you said about your job and odd hours so you won't meet any girls there. Do you have friends or family that can set you up? If you're not interested in the women in your town/city, can you go to another area close by and meet women?

[headhunter18]

Originally Posted by carra

cdubs3201, sometimes it's more complex than just "a confidence issue". I'll explain to you my situation a little bit. I'll be brief, since I wouldn't want to hijack your thread, but you can read other posts by me for more info.

To summarize it all, see this picture here:
http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n519/mugencarra/Cambio-900.jpg (broken link)

Left pictures are nearly 3 years ago. The ones on the right were taken in 2010. As you can see there is a big difference, and not just physically. I improved my attitude, my style and my social life. My point here is that I'm one of the few people who did actually accept advice and put it into practice. It's not like I'm just sitting on the computer whining and not willing to accept critics or make efforts.

Now on to the real question. I am now much better than I used to be. You would think that women should acknowledge all that improvement, even if just a little, right? Wrong. Since my ex left me more than 2 years ago I haven't been able to have a single date. So, I'm not just imagining that I have a problem. It is very real.

In these last 2 years I have met quite a few people and I've had chance to speak, dance and even flirt with many women. Yes, I can actually talk to women (I don't get very nervous or anything like that). Usually I have no problem making friends, men or women. But none of them ever considers dating me. I've got fake numbers, flakes, "misunderstandings", and excuses of all kind. You could always say it's just bad luck, but with so many times for so long it's too much to be just casual. I've tried nearly anything (including not trying) but it never seems to be enough. Really frustrating when you have honestly given it your best.

Nothing wrong with you, you seem fine, by the way you look as well as your posts, I would advise you to follow one other poster's suggestion about giving up on American women and looking for women beyond this nation, you look a bit Italian/Middle Eastern, have you tried looking for women in those parts, you could find some lovely lady who would be more than willing to consider you for what you are.

[headhunter18]

Originally Posted by donie1

Wow, you're very nice looking! Even the photos from 3 years ago. I am coming to realize that it's hard to date in today's wannbe perfect society. I see it with my 2 kids. They are very decent,good people and they too, are having trouble meeting nice people to date. We have even kidded about going to another country to live to find people for them to date and marry. So I guess it is more wide spread then I imagined. What a depressing thought! But back to you, have you thought of maybe a singles cruise? Volunteering at activities you enjoy? I know you said about your job and odd hours so you won't meet any girls there. Do you have friends or family that can set you up? If you're not interested in the women in your town/city, can you go to another area close by and meet women?

That's what I have been saying throughout although I got tagged repeatedly as being anti women, anti American etc etc, while I am none of those, i was merely pointing out how shallow this whole thing has become off late and how materialistic and inconsiderate people have become, and I would say it again, I find this kind of wannabe perfect behavior mostly with women, not that all men are saints, but I have found men have a lot of parameters they give importance to in a woman, whereas most women I have come across have a check list, and when someone doesn't match even one parameter on that list, they run from that person like there's no tomorrow.

[fleetiebelle]

Now on to the real question. I am now much better than I used to be. You would think that women should acknowledge all that improvement, even if just a little, right? Wrong. Since my ex left me more than 2 years ago I haven't been able to have a single date. So, I'm not just imagining that I have a problem. It is very real.

We read things like this on this forum all the time, and it makes me wonder if too many people have really unrealistic expectations toward dating. There's this idea that it should be super easy, that every time you leave your house attractive people from your target demographic should just start flirting or throwing themselves at you. Which, unlike how it's portrayed in movies, doesn't happen to very many people.

Like cdubs has posted there are a lot of people in the world. Not everyone you're interested in is going to be interested in you, or even available. Some people are going to appeal to and attract a wide range of people, some (maybe even most) are not. So you just keep trying until you find the one you click with, which makes it all worth it.

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by carra

cdubs3201, sometimes it's more complex than just "a confidence issue". I'll explain to you my situation a little bit. I'll be brief, since I wouldn't want to hijack your thread, but you can read other posts by me for more info.

To summarize it all, see this picture here:
http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n519/mugencarra/Cambio-900.jpg (broken link)

Left pictures are nearly 3 years ago. The ones on the right were taken in 2010. As you can see there is a big difference, and not just physically. I improved my attitude, my style and my social life. My point here is that I'm one of the few people who did actually accept advice and put it into practice. It's not like I'm just sitting on the computer whining and not willing to accept critics or make efforts.

Now on to the real question. I am now much better than I used to be. You would think that women should acknowledge all that improvement, even if just a little, right? Wrong. Since my ex left me more than 2 years ago I haven't been able to have a single date. So, I'm not just imagining that I have a problem. It is very real.

In these last 2 years I have met quite a few people and I've had chance to speak, dance and even flirt with many women. Yes, I can actually talk to women (I don't get very nervous or anything like that). Usually I have no problem making friends, men or women. But none of them ever considers dating me. I've got fake numbers, flakes, "misunderstandings", and excuses of all kind. You could always say it's just bad luck, but with so many times for so long it's too much to be just casual. I've tried nearly anything (including not trying) but it never seems to be enough. Really frustrating when you have honestly given it your best.

Why having good looks and having the sense of self improvement make you feel like a relationship is to be expected? You've been trying to date for 2 years now and it hasn't happened...why does that say something is wrong with you?

There's a lot of single people out there who are great in many ways, nothing wrong with them. I don't know how you are in person, so I'm not going to try and speculate what you "think" your problem is, as I don't see being single as a problem.

What's worse to you? Being married to someone who doesn't care about you or that you aren't in love with? Or being single?

Personally I can't be with someone unless it's a solid relationship with a great chance at a great future. There isn't a timeframe for something like this. Two years of looking for a date may seem like a long time, but it's not like there's a deadline you should be able to find someone by or you should start panicing. I feel like you've made an effort the last couple years, it isn't going as well as you'd like, and you are freaking out and thinking something is wrong. Nothing is wrong! Dating is hard! Just keep trying. Continue to look yourself in the mirror and find ways to improve yourself.

I really really suggest just taking time off from even THINKING about dating. It's not something you can logically figure out and fix. It kind of just has to happen. This was hard for me to do too and it sounds stupid as I'm a proactive guy, I can't sit by and wait for things to happen, but maybe you just need to take a break from dating getting in your head. Occupy yourself some more with some other interests.

One thing that helped me too was I got sick of going out with friends with the goal of hoping I'll meet a potential date. Stop looking for it all the time. Just have fun and enjoy yourself. If there's a connection then go with it, maybe just try to stop going for broke (as commendable as it is) and approaching and propositioning women to date. Just be around, be the fun guy who is friends with so and so. Let them get a little more comfortable with you, then when you feel the time is right make your move. Stop going out on a limb as much. Make them give you a reason to ask them on a date instead of always being the one to initiate and put yourself out there.

[sportsgeek20]

Originally Posted by headhunter18

Nothing wrong with you, you seem fine, by the way you look as well as your posts, I would advise you to follow one other poster's suggestion about giving up on American women and looking for women beyond this nation, you look a bit Italian/Middle Eastern, have you tried looking for women in those parts, you could find some lovely lady who would be more than willing to consider you for what you are.

No disrespect against carra(you're probably a great dude and all)

but headhunter how they hell can you tell that he's a fine guy from say 10-15 forum posts of text and 6-7 pictures?

[carra]

Lots to say here... let's go bit by bit

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

Why having good looks and having the sense of self improvement make you feel like a relationship is to be expected?

First, we are not speaking of relationship - just a date. This should happen way more easily. And why would I expect it? Well, it's the standard advice everyone gives. Even here on CD, every guy with problems to date is told to focus on improving himself and "dating will solve itself". It sounds right, even like common sense! Of course i expected it to work. I had faith in women, and believed that the "bad guy" stories were wrong. That being a better person overall would make some woman show even a slight interest in me. But maybe I was wrong after all.

You've been trying to date for 2 years now and it hasn't happened...why does that say something is wrong with you?

Come on cdubs... do you really expect me to believe that for a guy under 30 it's normal to go 2 whole years without a single date? That's not what I see around me, even average guys have their share of dates once in a while. I don't know what you expect out of life, but certainly I expected something more out of my romantic life. You can't be serious if you expect me to settle for this.

I really really suggest just taking time off from even THINKING about dating. It's not something you can logically figure out and fix. It kind of just has to happen. This was hard for me to do too and it sounds stupid as I'm a proactive guy, I can't sit by and wait for things to happen, but maybe you just need to take a break from dating getting in your head. Occupy yourself some more with some other interests.

Oh I'm quite busy lately, that won't be a problem. Yes I might end giving up on dating, because given the time and effort I've put into it and the results i have obtained it is obviously not worth it. But it would be a really hard blow.

BUT, not thinking about dating? Easier said than done. I tried. But there are always thing reminding you. When your friends do get dates and girlfriends (and this is happening to me) I guarantee you will think about dating. When you like some girl you will too. And nearly every movie and song are about love... I wish I could actually forget about dating, but since I have needs as a human being it seems very unlikely. If you have any tips on this I am willing to hear though.

[headhunter18]

Originally Posted by carra

Lots to say here... let's go bit by bit


First, we are not speaking of relationship - just a date. This should happen way more easily. And why would I expect it? Well, it's the standard advice everyone gives. Even here on CD, every guy with problems to date is told to focus on improving himself and "dating will solve itself". It sounds right, even like common sense! Of course i expected it to work. I had faith in women, and believed that the "bad guy" stories were wrong. That being a better person overall would make some woman show even a slight interest in me. But maybe I was wrong after all.

Come on cdubs... do you really expect me to believe that for a guy under 30 it's normal to go 2 whole years without a single date? That's not what I see around me, even average guys have their share of dates once in a while. I don't know what you expect out of life, but certainly I expected something more out of my romantic life. You can't be serious if you expect me to settle for this.

Oh I'm quite busy lately, that won't be a problem. Yes I might end giving up on dating, because given the time and effort I've put into it and the results i have obtained it is obviously not worth it. But it would be a really hard blow.

BUT, not thinking about dating? Easier said than done. I tried. But there are always thing reminding you. When your friends do get dates and girlfriends (and this is happening to me) I guarantee you will think about dating. When you like some girl you will too. And nearly every movie and song are about love... I wish I could actually forget about dating, but since I have needs as a human being it seems very unlikely. If you have any tips on this I am willing to hear though.

I agree, if you don't see returns for your investment in terms of improving yourself and the time you put into this effort, you should be disappointed. Also, as you yourself agree, the dating world is all in favor of men who are rude, controlling and behave like an a**, the so called bad boys, if you don't find yourself in their mould, it's very tough to even get a date.

I can't advise you anything other than to perhaps look for women beyond this nation, hard to believe I agree but a lot of women from outside the US believe that their man needn't be an a** to be their romantic partner. All the best to you, hope you understand that dating doesn't work here in US for gentlemen, and focus your efforts elsewhere.