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Old 03-15-2011, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,424,820 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
Have any of you contacted your S/O exs? Why/why not? Did it help or hurt your relationship? Would you recommend doing so? How would you feel if you found out your S/O was digging in your past behind your back?
You know, I wouldn't do it on either side of the fence and I haven't done it, but I can see how it can prevent some major headaches should one be truthful and should the other one listen... However, neither is likely to be the case, particularly the latter...

Hey, all of us are review junkies otherwise when buying a product, are we not...
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:55 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,819,516 times
Reputation: 7873
Shysister, don't listen to your friend. It is not a good advice, IMO. Don't contact the Ex. It's better for everyone to leave the past in the past.
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Old 03-15-2011, 08:12 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
6,623 posts, read 7,088,284 times
Reputation: 10644
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
A part of me wanted to tell her this because I've noticed she does have a tendency to get involved with the wrong men and I blame that more so on her than the men. However I didn't want to sound like a B since I'm in a happy relationship but then again I'm starting to think that is the very reason she's trying to put these crazy thoughts in my head. People really start showing their true colors when you have something they don't but desire.
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Shysister, don't listen to your friend. It is not a good advice, IMO. Don't contact the Ex. It's better for everyone to leave the past in the past.

Shyshister, you definitely need a new friend. She is trying to pull you down to her level - which is pretty low.
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Old 03-16-2011, 09:10 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,038 posts, read 8,936,201 times
Reputation: 7880
I can't imagine what would make someone think it is OK to do this, and on a regular basis. No, I have not done that, though I have had a couple question me. Very uncomfortable and creepy.
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Old 03-16-2011, 09:25 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,928 posts, read 4,473,398 times
Reputation: 12139
I don't see how your friend thinks contacting her bf ex's have served her well.

- She still ended up breaking up with the guys. So what, now she knows the impending doom is coming rather than being surprised by it.

- She still picks losers despite gettiing "insider" info from the ex's. No big whoop there.

I don't have to tell it's not a good idea. If you really look at your friend's track record, you can come to your own conclusion.
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Old 03-16-2011, 09:32 AM
 
5,004 posts, read 5,127,583 times
Reputation: 5632
This happened to a coworker of mine a few months ago. She had an old boyfriend in another state whom she hadn't seen in a couple of years. This old boyfriend's new girlfriend went through all his email contacts () and actually sent my coworker an email, asking her all about the old boyfriend. My coworker didn't know the woman who sent the email.

My coworker was shocked, didn't reply to the email, and was asking us women in the office if this is some type of new fad where new girlfriends contact old girlfriends. None of us had ever had it happen to us before...

Last edited by cricket_factor; 03-16-2011 at 09:43 AM..
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:40 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,269,448 times
Reputation: 3350
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
I told a friend I came across my fiance's exwife on Facebook and was surprised at our resemblance in looks. The friend ask did I send her a message or friend request and I said no why would I. She said I should want to talk with her especially since my ex and I are getting married. I told her I don't see the point in contacting her. They don't have any kids together, they were college sweethearts like 10 yrs ago, I mean I don't see the point in needing to talk to her. The friend was saying how she always contacts her guys exs after they get serious because she wants to know what she's getting herself into and it has served her well to do so. She told me my fiance has probably done his own little check and I'm just not aware of it.

Have any of you contacted your S/O exs? Why/why not? Did it help or hurt your relationship? Would you recommend doing so? How would you feel if you found out your S/O was digging in your past behind your back?
You need to ditch this so-called friend. She is trying to stir up trouble between you and your fiance. Some people need drama and chaos in their lives and it looks like your friend is one of those people. She probably isn't happy or content in life so she goes around causing trouble for others. Stay away from her, she's negative energy.
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:43 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,269,448 times
Reputation: 3350
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
I agree that I don't think its good at all to do something like that. I mean a relationship is suppose to be built on trust and me digging in his past defiantly shows a lack of trust. Like someone else stated who's to say the ex would even respond to me or contact him telling him I contacted her. I mean I just don't see where any good could come from me contacting her. However the friend thinks I'm being naive for not doing so. She said contacting her guys exs has served her well because everything they told her ended up being true.

She said 1 woman told her the guy would never be faithful to her and he's going to end up emotionally draining her if she attempts to change him or wait for him to come around. Their relationship ended due to him having a baby with another woman while they were together. Another guy's ex told her he was abusive and would end up being physically abusive if she ever got out of line and to be careful how she ends the relationship because he's not going to take her leaving him lightly. The friend said when she tried to break up with him he choked her and forced her to have sex with him and after that she moved and changed her number. Although I can see where the info may have been helpful in knowing what red flags to look for, she still chose to stay with them after getting the info so I don't see how that benefited her.
Proves my point that she is toxic, chaotic and drama and she chooses men the same way. Stay far, far away from this drama queen. She is no good.
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Old 03-16-2011, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,372 posts, read 54,922,058 times
Reputation: 37158
I'm gonna go against the tide here and say sometimes it can be a good thing to have a conversation with the ex, providing she is not some crazy psycho b*tch. (It that's the case, confirmed by someone besides your new honey, then no, you'd never want to initiate contact).

It can be quite useful to get an ex's take on things before you invest too much of your heart and time into a new relationship.

In fact, abusers and sociopaths are counting on you NOT talking to their ex, when in reality if some people did they might be saved from a boat load of grief or worse.

In a best case scenario, that ex may tell you stuff you didn't know about your beloved that is better to know BEFORE things go to far - like maybe he has kids he hasn't told you about, or alcoholism runs in his family, that kind of stuff.
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Old 03-16-2011, 12:42 PM
 
400 posts, read 403,696 times
Reputation: 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I'm gonna go against the tide here and say sometimes it can be a good thing to have a conversation with the ex, providing she is not some crazy psycho b*tch. (It that's the case, confirmed by someone besides your new honey, then no, you'd never want to initiate contact).

It can be quite useful to get an ex's take on things before you invest too much of your heart and time into a new relationship.

In fact, abusers and sociopaths are counting on you NOT talking to their ex, when in reality if some people did they might be saved from a boat load of grief or worse.

In a best case scenario, that ex may tell you stuff you didn't know about your beloved that is better to know BEFORE things go to far - like maybe he has kids he hasn't told you about, or alcoholism runs in his family, that kind of stuff.
Do you tell your current guy you're going to interview his old girlfriends and do a background check on him first?
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