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My parents were married for a long before my dad passed away..My mom thinks she did us a favor by staying married to him..She thinks only real woman put up with their husband *****.. She will tell her granddaughters a husband can do what he wants and we as woman should just accept it, she saying something like men will always cheat, they will go with whores and keep the good woman at home?? I told her several times she did us no favor by staying married to my dad..we had to witness the fighting matches, yes my dad mellowed out when he got older and we were no longer in the house, But I would never put my kids thru that. Of course we did have happy times but they still didnt out weight the bad times. I love my mom and respect her for taking care of us..but it comes to a different issue when she wants me to agree, it was good we were all together and we had the same mom and dad in the house. It took me as an adult to forgive both of them.
I'm with you on this, Jeep. I witness the same with my parents. I think it was the culture and the religion that kept my parents together. A different generation that thought very differently then we do or would put up with.
I'm not sure marriage should just be about 'happiness'....perhaps the main factor should be 'commitment'. I look back at my own two divorces decades ago and really see how all I focused on was the fact that I was unhappy. I caused undo hardships for the kids involved in my determination to be free and do what I wanted to do. It all worked out okay, but if I had to do it all over again, I would look at it through another angle first.
If the men were abusive or had addictions problems then you did your kids a favor. If you were just unhappy for no reason, then that's another story.
i agree...ive only been married a year and hate it
If I remember correctly, it seems like both of you need to communicate more or better. Maybe a marriage counselor. But I hope you are working on your marriage. If not, divorce before you have kids. Don't put them through misery.
Wow, looks like everyone here thinks of a long term commitment as something that should only make you happy, what about responsibility folks, is there no such thing as being responsible for decisions you take in life? I can understand that it's absolutely fine to go away from an abusive alcoholic husband or a non cooperative cheating wife, but shouldn't those qualities in a person be given consideration before getting married? Don't people look at those things as necessary qualities anymore? Perhaps I am the only one in the current generation who thinks that just because someone happens to be a piece of arm candy doesn't mean that they are going to be compatible to spend a lifetime with, anyway, I would never get a situation where my wife has to divorce me or I have to divorce her, if I ever find a woman like that.
I would rather prefer being single than being in and out of relationships just because I am unsure about what I want.
ok, I may really start something here, but here goes anyway. I don't think a man will cheat if he is getting what he needs at home. I think the key to a "happy" marriage is a good sex life. And, I'm a woman. Men just need sex, closeness and to feel needed. And did I mention that they NEED sex?
Been married almost 17, together 22 years. You do need some time apart, but also have to maintain some of the same interests and go have FUN together. My husband and I can go out and talk and talk in a restaurant, and just laugh our butts off together. We are still best friends. It's so sad to see those couples that sit there eating and not talking. But, both of you need to work at this and WANT to be on the same page.
Divorce after 25-30 years of marriage is not uncommon. Neither is remaining in a bad marriage just because it's "safe". I know one couple now married for 63 years. Although they are content and not too dissatisfied with each other now and give the appearance of having had a long and successful marriage, anyone who knows them well--as I do--know otherwise.
Actually I know personally 4 couples who's marriages where they are very much in love !
My parents were crazy about eachother. 45 years ....
My sister and her husband work together ( business they created together ) 40 years. He just adores her and she is very much in control including their finances too...lol..
Lady at my old job : Married at age 15 and she is now 49 and they have a very loving, romantic marriage ( 34 years ) and she calls him on her break and they are like teenagers.
Friend at Church : They are both 75 years old, been married 54 years and I have the pleasure of being in their company in church and outings, and times in their home. They love eachother very much and started going steady in HS.
It is true, newer couples throw away their marriages alot faster..
ok, I may really start something here, but here goes anyway. I don't think a man will cheat if he is getting what he needs at home. I think the key to a "happy" marriage is a good sex life. And, I'm a woman. Men just need sex, closeness and to feel needed. And did I mention that they NEED sex?
Been married almost 17, together 22 years. You do need some time apart, but also have to maintain some of the same interests and go have FUN together. My husband and I can go out and talk and talk in a restaurant, and just laugh our butts off together. We are still best friends. It's so sad to see those couples that sit there eating and not talking. But, both of you need to work at this and WANT to be on the same page.
I agree, SEX is very important for men, also, most men like a partner who's very fit, I mean, thinking about it, good physical fitness = better sex for the most part, so they are not wrong in thinking that way, well, if the men themselves are horribly out of shape, then that's a totally different thing, it's for that reason that I wouldn't look for overweight women, nothing against them, they could be great in person, it's just that I would prefer someone who is atleast half as fit as I am, that way I won't have to ever lose "interest" in them.
I see some of these marriages right in my neighborhood, but having lived many places over the years, this is a rare situation to find. And while we've only been together 11 years, I think we're on track to be part of the 10%.
Your skewing this study. New relationships release different endorphins. The newness creates excitment, adrenaline, etc. The areas of the brain that react, relate more closely to Danger/adventure.
Those in more stable/long-term relationships had less of that endorphin rush. This is not surprising as the relationship is not as new (though for some, still exciting in some way.)
Either way you can't really assign emotional values such as "true love" to these chemical reactions which we don't truly understand.
I come from a family with long, happy marriages. My parents, as I have talked about on here before, are very much in love still. My paternal grandparents were until my grandmother died. My maternal grandparents are so cute together...he still buys her flowers, they hold hands, and she loves to bring him breakfast in bed. I think it is about actually loving the person, not just their outward appearance. Also, it takes work to make a marriage last, and many people today are all about instant gratification and themselves. If you marry someone whose soul you connect with, someone who you love to talk to, someone whose brain you find sexy, and someone who brings out the best in you; I think marriage can be happy and long. If you expect your marriage to fail or get married thinking divorce is an option, I don't think you will have a happy marriage.
Committment is very important, and when you act like cheating is okay that shows there is no committment to the marriage. Many people make excuses for doing whatever they want, and then, they act suprised when their marriage fails.
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