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There is if she doesn't want a fair settlement in terms of parenting time and custody.
I agree I see lots of mothers..men too..but I see mostly mom doing this? They use the kids as pawns..Its not fair to the kids. Or the the other parent.
How much time do they spend with each parent? If it's him being a dad only on weekends, or every other weekend, that is not fair. If it's more rational and equal, you have a good situation. My wife isn't that mature or rational. I guarantee you that if we divorce, the process will be hell all around.
My girls have started to be with their dad more since my schedule has been full...fulltime work and fulltime school. For the last year he has had our girls more than me. He is a wonderful dad so I have no worries.
I strongly believe a dad is a big influence in a kids life..Moms too..
But with gas so high and my work an hour away and sometimes not getting home til the evening we decided its best if I leave the girls at his house instead of me picking them up, So I dont have to drive them back to him in the morning. I Have to be at work at 6am. For the time being Im the weekend parent.
I'm not sure marriage should just be about 'happiness'....perhaps the main factor should be 'commitment'.
My ex told me he wasn't happy in our relationship. As hard as it was to hear, I had to let him go. I would not have wanted him to stick around out of commitment. Yes, we should have worked together to change what was wrong, but he didn't want to do that.
I get what you are saying, but if happiness isn't guaranteed in marriage, why even get married? Just to have a warm body in the bed at night?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417
i agree...ive only been married a year and hate it
Yikes! If you are in it for the long haul that's going to be quite a ride.
I see some of these marriages right in my neighborhood, but having lived many places over the years, this is a rare situation to find. And while we've only been together 11 years, I think we're on track to be part of the 10%.
Good find TaoistDude! This probably boils down to a 5% number with many marriages ending long before the 20 year mark. Just goes to show, that only a few people find their True Love.
Many people just lock down their marriage and stay with someone that doesnt make them happy!
I see some of these marriages right in my neighborhood, but having lived many places over the years, this is a rare situation to find. And while we've only been together 11 years, I think we're on track to be part of the 10%.
I have seen these studies and this is talking about that infatuation love - not saying you can't have long-term sustained mature love.
I agree with the OP. People say all that all the time about Mormons and people in arranged marriages, etc etc. Well they have a very low divorce rate. Cool, I guess, but what's their genuinely happy and loved rate? People rarely leave abusive relationships too, does that automatically mean they're successful and its a good relationship? And what is success? When people have arranged marriages, they might work well together, have good looking and smart kids, never argue, but is that an awesome marriage? Depends on what you think a good marriage is..
Your skewing this study. New relationships release different endorphins. The newness creates excitment, adrenaline, etc. The areas of the brain that react, relate more closely to Danger/adventure.
Those in more stable/long-term relationships had less of that endorphin rush. This is not surprising as the relationship is not as new (though for some, still exciting in some way.)
Either way you can't really assign emotional values such as "true love" to these chemical reactions which we don't truly understand.
I agree with the OP. People say all that all the time about Mormons and people in arranged marriages, etc etc. Well they have a very low divorce rate. Cool, I guess, but what's their genuinely happy and loved rate? People rarely leave abusive relationships too, does that automatically mean they're successful and its a good relationship? And what is success? When people have arranged marriages, they might work well together, have good looking and smart kids, never argue, but is that an awesome marriage? Depends on what you think a good marriage is..
Don't know about Mormons or arranged marriages but this is what I found. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the divorce rate amongst Jews is high because of the high # of Jewish Divorce lawyers
A recent study by the Barna Research Group throws extreme doubt on these estimates. Barna released the results of their poll about divorce on 1999-DEC-21. 3 It was based on interviews of 3,854 adults from the 48 contiguous states. The sampling error is within 2 percentage points. The survey found:
Divorce rates among born-again Christians were much higher at 27 percent than for other Christian faith groups.
Atheists and Agnostics have the lowest divorce rate of all: 21 percent.
Divorce rates among Jews were highest of any religion sampled. In order of decreasing divorce rates were: born-again Christians, other Christians, and Atheists/Agnostics.
Don't know about Mormons or arranged marriages but this is what I found. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the divorce rate amongst Jews is high because of the high # of Jewish Divorce lawyers
Not sure what " " was about... I hope you aren't equating your (joke) statement with my post. I'm not making any broad generalizations about Christians or arranged marriages, I'm saying people who make broad positive generalizations could be wrong.
As far as the studies you linked, I appreciate you bringing actual sources to the discussion because most people just say "It's totally a fact that blah blah blah because I know 5 (actually 2) people who blah blah blah". But divorce rates and happiness while married aren't actually the same thing. People could be unhappy and still married so...
but even if it is unscientific, I think it's still interesting to talk about what attitudes or culture or religious or social pressure might cause people to stay in unhappy marriages vs leaving vs working on it vs leaving when things just get boring etc.
In my work with my Syncrohearts relationship game, I met couples who were just going through the motions. Life is too short not to love, so either spice it up or move on baby!
Do you think both options are equally rewarding in life? Just wondering..
No matter what age a couple is, kids or no kids, professional counseling/help or not.......if they just aren't happy together and don't like being around each other, so SOMETHING about the situation. Even though many couples do stay together, living with someone you dislike is not healthy period! And, to be in a unhappy marriage, but brag "I've been married for ____ many years" to someone who asks......to me is just plain stupid!
Of course, above is IMO
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People rarely leave abusive relationships too, does that automatically mean they're successful and its a good relationship? And what is success? When people have arranged marriages, they might work well together, have good looking and smart kids, never argue, but is that an awesome marriage? Depends on what you think a good marriage is..
Divorce rates among born-again Christians were much higher at 27 percent than for other Christian faith groups.
