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Old 03-18-2011, 11:50 AM
 
22 posts, read 14,556 times
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Default Confusing age, maturity with experience . . .

I notice posts when referring to dating between younger and older mates, often presuming immaturity because of age, inexperience or limited experience. But failing to realize that there are many individuals, whose maturity is well above average despite their limited or lack of life experience. Actually, sometimes, it's the person with a lot of life experience who is often more judgmental and intolerant than those without those experiences. It's probably because, for many, they've been through quite a bit, are more guarded, and don't want to be burned again. But I find there is too much dismissive treatment and misjudgment of the younger (but not necessarily young) partner (25 or 30+) because of the generalized assumptions or stereotypical views of older adult partners (45+). It's one thing to prefer someone with similar life experience as you have, but it's another to overly critical or ignorantly dismissive of someone younger because you assume they are unable to be your equal, an opinion you're basing solely on age.
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Old 03-18-2011, 12:30 PM
 
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The whole term maturity gets thrown around way too loosely these days. Any little thing that an older person dislikes about a younger person is attributed to lack of maturity, even if its something irrelevant to actual maturity. I think the main problem is more of a physical thing because as human beings we go through different stages in our lives that directly pertain to our age. For example having kids, exploring the dating world, night life etc are factors which go hand in hand with age due to the biological stages we all deal with. Sometimes those distinctions can be too overwhelming for both parties to deal with, so the older person just uses the maturity excuse to make their life easier.
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Old 03-18-2011, 01:50 PM
 
22 posts, read 14,556 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItWasWritten View Post
The whole term maturity gets thrown around way too loosely these days. Any little thing that an older person dislikes about a younger person is attributed to lack of maturity, even if its something irrelevant to actual maturity. I think the main problem is more of a physical thing because as human beings we go through different stages in our lives that directly pertain to our age. For example having kids, exploring the dating world, night life etc are factors which go hand in hand with age due to the biological stages we all deal with. Sometimes those distinctions can be too overwhelming for both parties to deal with, so the older person just uses the maturity excuse to make their life easier.

agree. as a matter of fact, I was a little reluctant to use the word "maturity" for this very reason. People use it too often as a scapegoat for other issues or concerns.

You can prefer someone with the same responsibilities, career, life experiences, outlook and lifestyles, but to base anything on age is overdone. I notice too many arrogant men 45+ who automatically see a younger date or partner as instantly incompatible, especially if that person is open. They also sometimes think it's "cute" that you're interested in them. Focusing on what they think this person has or hasn't experienced or whether or not they've been through enough to be considered an equal or seeing them as inadequate or incapable of understanding what they've been through because they haven't had those experiences, gets a little tiring. After a while, it's annoying. Never thought getting to know someone to see if compatibility exists was a competition of experiences. It's like, enough already. . .

Last edited by Sidda; 03-18-2011 at 01:59 PM..
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Old 03-18-2011, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
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I think too often with age, we get very stubborn in our ideas. I usually dated women 15 years younger than myself as they were not stuck in a rut. When I last dated I was 40 dating a woman at 37. We bumped heads a lot as she considered everything I said as wrong. If I said the sun rose in the east she would want to argue about that. It came to the point I quit talking, she finally asked me why I was so quiet. I told her there was no point if I was automatically wrong.

I hooked up with a previous girlfriend I had lived with 10 years previous. We married a few months later and it has been 10 years argument free. We have a 15 year difference.
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,374 posts, read 14,278,776 times
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Confusing age,maturity, with experience...

If the younger generation wants to be with someone older, then they need to realize that they have "the extra baggage, advice, and experience, added to the relationship. Offended? Move on.
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:20 PM
 
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Similar life experience is comparable to a hobby where you have the expectation that it will bring an increased compatibility. It is something shared. There is also the question of fairness. You go into it already knowing that a woman who is of an age will likely outlive you based on life expectency. As the age gap increases you automatically increase the time the younger spouse will be widowed. This is problematic to me as I feel that such a marriage leaves the woman cheated out of a more enduring relationship she might have had with someone her own age group. You also nearly guarantee that someone you love must watch you decline and die but without the shared thought that it could be either one of us and each will be there for the other as it would in a same age relationship. It is a painful thing to see someone you love die. As a much older man you know going in this experience shall be your partners.

I could not say for certain that I would not invest in a such a relationship if lightning struck but I would not seek it out. A perceived lack of experience would have nothing to do with it.
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:43 PM
 
22 posts, read 14,556 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Confusing age,maturity, with experience...

If the younger generation wants to be with someone older, then they need to realize that they have "the extra baggage, advice, and experience, added to the relationship. Offended? Move on.
Who is offended? I don't see anyone here saying they have trouble with the idea that someone has more experience, etc. If you read the post, you'd realize the question is not whether someone younger does not like or has a problem with the life experience of someone older, but that someone older not giving someone a chance because they are younger, assuming they can't handle the baggage, without really getting to know the person to whether they really can.
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:45 PM
 
22 posts, read 14,556 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crabman1 View Post
Similar life experience is comparable to a hobby where you have the expectation that it will bring an increased compatibility. It is something shared. There is also the question of fairness. You go into it already knowing that a woman who is of an age will likely outlive you based on life expectency. As the age gap increases you automatically increase the time the younger spouse will be widowed. This is problematic to me as I feel that such a marriage leaves the woman cheated out of a more enduring relationship she might have had with someone her own age group. You also nearly guarantee that someone you love must watch you decline and die but without the shared thought that it could be either one of us and each will be there for the other as it would in a same age relationship. It is a painful thing to see someone you love die. As a much older man you know going in this experience shall be your partners.

I could not say for certain that I would not invest in a such a relationship if lightning struck but I would not seek it out. A perceived lack of experience would have nothing to do with it.
I take your point, but it sounds as if you've already made the decision for the younger partner without their input. Let them make the decision whether they want to move forward rather than tell them what risks they should or shouldn't take. You could be missing out on one of the best experiences you've had in a relationship, with the right person, of course.
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:47 PM
 
22 posts, read 14,556 times
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My point is that there are not going to be compatibility issues between younger and older, as in many cases, there will be. But presuming incompability or reducing the younger partner to someone who is naturally incapable of handling the relationship, or not able to provide for the needs of an older partner, is a bit presumptous, isn't it?
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:48 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
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You are just trying to rationalize being a "dirty old man". You just want a yes person in a pretty package. But that's ok you will find out soon when she hits ahout 35 and tolerates less!!
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