Mother-in-law talks mean about my sp. need child and my hubby is quiet (man, love)
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Instead he explains me all the nice things about my mother-in-law.
Arrrggg.... And that is his response? He can't seem to shed loyalty to his mother. But at the expense of his own children? Allowing them to be called names and insinuate that they need to be given to some mental institution?????? I take it that you explained to him (even though another person would not need any explanation of this inappropriateness) - and he still can't choose sides? You will have to make him grow a bone in his spine (too bad he hasn't grown one to this stage) - or else. It's his responsibility to counteract his mother, and his top responsibility is to protect you and his offspring from any harm.
Your husband needs to man up and stand up to his mom. Tell her hurtful comments about your special needs child will not be tolerated and if they continue, kick her out.
I dont know what to say...I am so perplexed by my husband stand on his mom's mean words.
We have a Sp. need child whom my mom-in-law suggested that It would be great if someone else raises him.
She mentioned this the first time to me and I just thought she was joking and I started laughing at her joke and I just said I know its lot of work to raise a sp. need child. She did not say anything and was quiet at that time.
But then she again mentioned it when my child was throwing tantrum and was unable to console. I was shocked with her remark at that time. I just told her that he is my son and I will take care of him but if you feel he nothing for you then dont be around him. And just left the room.
Now her mean remarks have been going on from long time. If she has nothing else, she would start comparing my son with her other son's normal child. She would come and tell me-'oh, by the way do u see so and so, she is already potty trained, Oh and look at your son, when do u think he will be potty trained?
Then she is after my other younger child who is just 10 months old..so far seems to be normal. She just keeps telling me Oh I think she is not doing so and so, maybe she would turn like his brother.
Everyday her negative comments are either about my sp. need son or my daughter (according to her, she might be too a sp. need child)
I am tired of her comments and honestly its very hurtful
She is a nagging mother-in-law, whose comments I used to ignore when it was about me. But now, I cannot tolerate her comments on my kids.
The best part of this is that whenever I mention about her comments to my hubby, he just tells me that its ok. According to him, thats how she is and I should just ignore her comments.
Infact If I put my foot down and tell him to talk to her. He just remains quiet. Instead he explains me all the nice things about my mother-in-law.
What am I supposed to do? I dont have the option of not seeing her as she lives with us
Are you living in her home, or is she living in yours?
If she is living in yours you need to make it clear to her that her comments are not appreciated and will not be tolerated. Then, when/if she continues give her a move out date to leave your home.
If you are living in her home it is time for you to move out.
Regardless of the living situation, you first should sit down with your husband when MIL and children aren't around and quietly explain to him how you feel and how his mother's comments are damaging and disrespectful. Don't be combative or emotional, just ask him why he feels his mother's comments should simply be ignored, and give him time to answer.
If you can't get him on the same page, then you should take your MIL aside at a time when your husband and the children are out. Explain to her quietly and without raising your voice that her continual negative comments about your son are totally inappropriate, are hurtful and damaging, and that they cannot be allowed to continue. Ask her why she does it, let her respond - in fact MAKE her respond by not responding to any combative response from her or any comment related to your abilities as a parent.
As a last resort, family counseling with a professional may well be in order.
This has the potential to be a very damaging situation for your family unit and, unless all parties can come to terms, then it's time to reevaluate the living situation and separate.
It's time for you to stop reacting defensively and emotionally, take a deep breath (or a few thousand if necessary!) and present your point of view calmly. Give it your best shot, good luck and let us know how it works out.
Tell her to shut her whor3 mouth, or she can go live on the streets, because you don't need to deal with a special needs MIL. As for your husband, I do not know how you can respect him after he did not defend his own child. There is nothing good about a grandmother who would throw her own grandchild under the bus.
When I was growing up I had one grandmother who always said (in front of me) that I am "the ugly one" of the grandkids. That was just so uncool - children do understand and believe what adults say. Later on she was fine (after I grew up and wasn't totally deformed) but I wish somebody had told her to shut her trap at the time. Obviously my parents weren't gonna do it, as they also liked to throw me under the bus. I even had to prove to myself that I wasn't ugly by getting into modeling which shows you how damaging the remarks can be.
Are you living in her home, or is she living in yours?
If she is living in yours you need to make it clear to her that her comments are not appreciated and will not be tolerated. Then, when/if she continues give her a move out date to leave your home.
If you are living in her home it is time for you to move out.
Joliefille has some good advice!Does she put your kids down in front of her husband??If she saves it just for you,get a cheap tape recorder or video and record her cruel remarks...show them to your husband, and maybe then he'll realize the damage this toxic woman is being to your relationship and to your kids wellbeing as well.Your husband should definately step up to support you, and he should definately put you and his children first.He needs to put his mother in her place....or send her packing.
Then tell your husband the same thing is coming his way if he doesn't find his balls in a hurry.
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