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I speak from experience because I got involved with a 21 yr. old guy when I was 17. We didn't live together but I moved to go to college where he lived. I didn't go out much or make many friends since all my free time was spent with him. It made me dependent on him and those years (5 in all) feel 'lost' to me because my relationship took precedence rather than my own personal growth. I'm not saying you are a horrible guy who demands all her attention and won't allow her to do things. It's just the nature of some women while in a relationship to focus more on the relationship then themselves. She's too young to have much to give to it yet. She may insist she's fine not going to parties, etc... but it's more than that. You have more influence over her than you both realize.
We felt married and bored as heck too. Looking back, it was up to us as individuals to find our own passions (to become independent, interesting people) and then come together to share.
I speak from experience because I got involved with a 21 yr. old guy when I was 17. We didn't live together but I moved to go to college where he lived. I didn't go out much or make many friends since all my free time was spent with him. It made me dependent on him and those years (5 in all) feel 'lost' to me because my relationship took precedence rather than my own personal growth. I'm not saying you are a horrible guy who demands all her attention and won't allow her to do things. It's just the nature of some women while in a relationship to focus more on the relationship then themselves. She's too young to have much to give to it yet. She may insist she's fine not going to parties, etc... but it's more than that. You have more influence over her than you both realize.
We felt married and bored as heck too. Looking back, it was up to us as individuals to find our own passions (to become independent, interesting people) and then come together to share.
I speak from experience because I got involved with a 21 yr. old guy when I was 17. We didn't live together but I moved to go to college where he lived. I didn't go out much or make many friends since all my free time was spent with him. It made me dependent on him and those years (5 in all) feel 'lost' to me because my relationship took precedence rather than my own personal growth. I'm not saying you are a horrible guy who demands all her attention and won't allow her to do things. It's just the nature of some women while in a relationship to focus more on the relationship then themselves. She's too young to have much to give to it yet. She may insist she's fine not going to parties, etc... but it's more than that. You have more influence over her than you both realize.
We felt married and bored as heck too. Looking back, it was up to us as individuals to find our own passions (to become independent, interesting people) and then come together to share.
Your absolutely right. I think I've inadvertently sheltered her from all the confidence building problems she would've faced alone. Although there was no guarantee she would've learned anything from her experiences. She could've ended up like many pretty, naive, women who are taken advantage of or abused until they believe this is the way life is suppose to be. I've seen it happen to plenty of women. I've knew many women who blindly trusted their boyfriends, just to be betrayed and end up jaded or angry towards men and there was no way in hell I was going to let it happen to her.
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I talked to her about this and I told her I wanted her to go off and do whatever she felt she needed without worrying about me getting worried.* I asked her if she wanted to move back in with her cousin for a while and do whatever she would've done before she met me (cheating obviously excluded). She said her family would still treat her like a child so it wouldn't help. I then told her to face her family and stick to her choices regardless of what they say. If they disagree simply hang up the phone or walk away and tell them they are not listening to you. I told her it's not like they'll disown you and that they'll eventually learn to trust your decisions which I'm sure would greatly boost her confidence. She's obviously afraid of confronting them on the matter and gave me the let's change the subject look so I dropped it for now.
I was just thinking how I didn't want to end up like Jet Black. For those who don't know, Jet Black is a character from and anime called Cowboy bebop. The episode I'm referring to is episode 10 called "Ganymede Elegy". In it Jet was and ex cop turned bounty hunter. When Jet was a cop he lived with his girlfriend*Alisa and loved her very much. One day he came home and found a letter with one word "farewell" and no Alisa to be seen. He waited until his stop watch stopped working and left the city to start a new life. He became a*bounty hunter and a few years later came back to*his old city looking for a man*charged with murder. He hears that Alisa is still in town running a little bar so he decides to visit. He sees her takes a deep breath and sits down. He places the watch which he kept all these years*on the counter and starts talking to Alisa. He tells her he's not mad about what happened, he just wants to know why she never came back. She tells him it's because while she was with him she never had to worry about anything. All she had to do was hold his hand and everything would be ok. He'd take care of her and every problem they encountered. She wanted to be free to be reckless and make her own mistakes. Jet finds out that she's dating a new guy. He sees the guy walk in then Jet leaves. As he's driving away his partner sends him a picture of the man they are hunting and he sees that's its Alisa's new boy friend. The partner also says that the murder was likely self defense since the guy was attacked by loan sharks. He turns around and comes back to see the bar is empty. He finds Alisa and the guy escaping and chases them. He eventually catches them and Alisa yells at him to leave this bounty alone. Jet tells her no because if he leaves, someone else will come after him and by then she'll be an accomplice. He captures the guy who is struggling like a child. Jet gets mad and punches him in the face then tells him to be strong, that he'll survive this and he has a good woman waiting for him. He turns the guy in to the police and walks away without a word. He later sees a lake and chucks the watch into it.
I love this anime. Point is (finally) that I don't want my girlfriend leaving me for the same reason. I'm very protective and a problem solver. I don't see problem's I see solutions and I have a habit of protecting those I care for from any form of problem. My gf has told me before that I'm like a safety net that would never let anything serious happen to her. That sometimes she wishes I would just let her be reckless without my rational responses to everything. Funny how such a thing can be a problem. What can someone do? Pretend I don't care? If it's within my power to help those I love I never saw a reason no the help them. I can easily let her make mistakes but the point is can never let any real harm come to her. It's not in me to stand by and watch.
The only way for her to grow up & learn is by making mistakes. And by supporting herself, feeling a sense of accomplishment is the only way for her to gain self-confidence. That's not to say you won't be there for her nor will her family. By treating her as an innocent child, she will remain one forever. That is, until she grows up a bit more, starts working and suddenly discovers the lure of being independent and all that entails. She could do a 180 on you then. Her family and you are doing the same thing, enabling her child-like behavior.
When you spoke of her lack of self-confidence and that spark in her eye, I recognized myself. I came from a very over-protective family. All my needs were taken care of which was the worst thing for my self-development. It was harder for me to learn how to fend for myself in life with so many people protecting me. Even birds know when to push their chicks to fly. In this day & age, it's imperative that we all know how to take care of ourselves and deal with adversity. Of course she will resist but you need to come up with a plan. Maybe she can get a part-time job and have roommates. Get creative.
Okay, Mirror-man...how young are you? Between 19-26? (you compared your situation to an anime that was on Cartoon Network 10 years ago and "kagami"=mirror in Japanese) I'm not picking on you, just trying to get to the root. It seem like your girlfriend is pretty young too. By anytime did you tell her how you're past girlfriends were? Because that could make her to be really self-conscious. Hopefully, she's not fully depending on you to help hide her problems.
Okay, Mirror-man...how young are you? Between 19-26? (you compared your situation to an anime that was on Cartoon Network 10 years ago and "kagami"=mirror in Japanese) I'm not picking on you, just trying to get to the root. It seem like your girlfriend is pretty young too. By anytime did you tell her how you're past girlfriends were? Because that could make her to be really self-conscious. Hopefully, she's not fully depending on you to help hide her problems.
Good job you can use google to look up the meaning of Kagami. It's actually the name of one of my favorite characters. FYI there's plenty of characters named Kagami so have fun trying to narrow it down. Also you obviously haven't read previous posts. For more info atleast read all of my posts to understand the situation better and you would've seen that I am 26 and prior military for 8 years. My comparison so an anime has no relevance to the point. All anime are simply animated stories. Some are for children and some have plots too complex for children. With the thousands of anime out there no one can summarize it based on a couple and I intend to watch it until I get too old to understand what's going on
Ok back to the topic. My girlfriend new of my ex gf since we went to the same college. I'm sure see has seen her around on several occasions. In fact my ex gf was jealous of her before I started dating her. Everyone loved my current girlfriend. They weren't trying to have sex with her (well some were), they actually loved her for her personality. No one is trying "HIDE" her problems. We're trying to deal with it together. Although the majority of it has to be done by her. She is already considering steps to solve her own problem and I'm just waiting to see what she comes up with.
Good job you can use google to look up the meaning of Kagami. It's actually the name of one of my favorite characters. FYI there's plenty of characters named Kagami so have fun trying to narrow it down. Also you obviously haven't read previous posts. For more info atleast read all of my posts to understand the situation better and you would've seen that I am 26 and prior military for 8 years. My comparison so an anime has no relevance to the point. All anime are simply animated stories. Some are for children and some have plots too complex for children. With the thousands of anime out there no one can summarize it based on a couple and I intend to watch it until I get too old to understand what's going on
Ok back to the topic. My girlfriend new of my ex gf since we went to the same college. I'm sure see has seen her around on several occasions. In fact my ex gf was jealous of her before I started dating her. Everyone loved my current girlfriend. They weren't trying to have sex with her (well some were), they actually loved her for her personality. No one is trying "HIDE" her problems. We're trying to deal with it together. Although the majority of it has to be done by her. She is already considering steps to solve her own problem and I'm just waiting to see what she comes up with.
That's good. Actually I didn't google for what your name meant...I remember from a translation of a song from a J-rock band AND I meant that I was hoping that she doesn't hide her problems in the relationship, not you covering it up, okay? At least you guys are working out for her confronting her personal issues. which, to me, if you want her to be intimate with you, the personal issues need to get resolved so they won't be in the way. Sorry that I didn't read the entire OP....it was too long
How much of this 'no fun' stuff is related to you concentrating on paying off bills and not spending on other things? It's easier to have a great time if you are spending money.
I think it's interesting that the bill thing was what you mentioned first.
How much of this 'no fun' stuff is related to you concentrating on paying off bills and not spending on other things? It's easier to have a great time if you are spending money.
I think it's interesting that the bill thing was what you mentioned first.
I think it's interesting you believe to not focus on paying rent, electricity, cable, internet, phone and student loan will take away from my problem. Yes it's easier to have a great time if I just send but who's going to give me a place to live? My parents? They have never supported me financially, not because they never wanted to but because they couldn't afford to. I payed for everything I have with my own hard earned money. I've met plenty of people who have their parents pay for their living or pay their college tuition and all they do is party and travel. Must be nice to actually be able to save a significant amount of money. I DO spend my money on fun things for us to do whenever I have money to spend which isn't too often. I mentioned it first because I spend more time working to earn money to pay these bills then doing anything else. If I could spend all my time having fun with her I would in a heart beat.
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). She said her family would still treat her like a child so it wouldn't help. I then told her to face her family and stick to her choices regardless of what they say. If they disagree simply hang up the phone or walk away and tell them they are not listening to you. I told her it's not like they'll disown you and that they'll eventually learn to trust your decisions which I'm sure would greatly boost her confidence. She's obviously afraid of confronting them on the matter and gave me the let's change the subject look so I dropped it for now.
which, to me, if you want her to be intimate with you, the personal issues need to get resolved so they won't be in the way. Sorry that I didn't read the entire OP....it was too long
