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Hello everyone. My girlfriend and I are having trouble and I don't know what else to do so I figured I'd get some opinions here.
She and I dated for 3 years and broke up in 2007. She dated another guy, got engaged, ended up breaking it off with him after he cheated on her, and then 5 months later we talked and got back together.
Everything has been wonderful and we are truly in love and moving forward.
However...........one HUGE conflict has arrived. I have graduated college and just got a great job near our hometown. It will use my degree, provide lots of advancement, and great benefits. I like our hometown. Our church, family, friends, and everything we need is in reach. For shopping and fun days, an hour and a half is about the max we have to travel.
She, however, has a year of college left. As soon as she gets out, her plan is to move about an hour and a half way and work 30 minutes from there. I went to college in the city where she will be working and I did not care for living there much. Since I have a great career started, I'd love to get a house, become engaged, and raise our family here. It's a great area.
She does not want anything to do with living here, just because her reason is she doesn't want to live around our area and her dream is to work at this hospital in the city where she wants to work. She says when she graduates college, she'd like to be engaged and ready to move to her new location. She says I can easily get a new job where she will be, but I've lived there and it's not as easy as she's making it out to be.
I don't think it's wise, in this economy, to leave such a good paying job where I can provide easily for a family. It was hard enough to get this job after looking in many locations. She will be getting a medical degree, and there are MANY opportunities for her in our area. She knows this, but won't consider any of the options. I don't know how we are going to get around this since neither of us want to budge. Any advice? We both love each other and really want this to work, but she's telling me it's her or my job. Thanks!
I should add this was Thursday when this blew up. Last night I went to her house and she acted like nothing was wrong. Was very sweet, cooked for me, and just had a great night. Today she went shopping and even bought me some new clothes. I'm confused.
Hello everyone. My girlfriend and I are having trouble and I don't know what else to do so I figured I'd get some opinions here.
She and I dated for 3 years and broke up in 2007. She dated another guy, got engaged, ended up breaking it off with him after he cheated on her, and then 5 months later we talked and got back together.
Everything has been wonderful and we are truly in love and moving forward.
However...........one HUGE conflict has arrived. I have graduated college and just got a great job near our hometown. It will use my degree, provide lots of advancement, and great benefits. I like our hometown. Our church, family, friends, and everything we need is in reach. For shopping and fun days, an hour and a half is about the max we have to travel.
She, however, has a year of college left. As soon as she gets out, her plan is to move about an hour and a half way and work 30 minutes from there. I went to college in the city where she will be working and I did not care for living there much. Since I have a great career started, I'd love to get a house, become engaged, and raise our family here. It's a great area.
She does not want anything to do with living here, just because her reason is she doesn't want to live around our area and her dream is to work at this hospital in the city where she wants to work. She says when she graduates college, she'd like to be engaged and ready to move to her new location. She says I can easily get a new job where she will be, but I've lived there and it's not as easy as she's making it out to be.
I don't think it's wise, in this economy, to leave such a good paying job where I can provide easily for a family. It was hard enough to get this job after looking in many locations. She will be getting a medical degree, and there are MANY opportunities for her in our area. She knows this, but won't consider any of the options. I don't know how we are going to get around this since neither of us want to budge. Any advice? We both love each other and really want this to work, but she's telling me it's her or my job. Thanks!
People who give such ultimatums are not ready to be married.
You may love each other, but until you are both ready to forsake all others, and all other things, don't get engaged.
I should add this was Thursday when this blew up. Last night I went to her house and she acted like nothing was wrong. Was very sweet, cooked for me, and just had a great night. Today she went shopping and even bought me some new clothes. I'm confused.
No need for the confusion. She thinks she's made it perfectly clear where she stands and you will just comply, so she thinks the issue is solved.
Well, if my job is going great, I'm not ending it over a relationship. I will have started a great career path, and with as many postings for her jobs as there are around here, I think she could try around here and us make great money.
When you have a job nowadays, you're fortunate. Girls can come and go. That's my opinion and I made it pretty clear to her as well that unless I didn't have a job, I wouldn't be moving.
Well, if my job is going great, I'm not ending it over a relationship. I will have started a great career path, and with as many postings for her jobs as there are around here, I think she could try around here and us make great money.
When you have a job nowadays, you're fortunate. Girls can come and go. That's my opinion and I made it pretty clear to her as well that unless I didn't have a job, I wouldn't be moving.
Well, if my job is going great, I'm not ending it over a relationship. I will have started a great career path, and with as many postings for her jobs as there are around here, I think she could try around here and us make great money.
When you have a job nowadays, you're fortunate. Girls can come and go. That's my opinion and I made it pretty clear to her as well that unless I didn't have a job, I wouldn't be moving.
In that case, you are about as ready to be married as she is, which is to say, NEITHER of you is ready for marriage.
An ultimatum is quite the red flag. However, if you think about it, each of you is making the same ultimatum. My way or the highway. That said, I tend to side with you on this, aparker, as you are the one who has already graduated college and landed a great job.
You mentioned church in your OP. How about the two of you discussing this with your pastor serving as mediator?
It is, indeed, a little confusing that last night your gf was acting all sweet, as though nothing was wrong. The problem definitely needs to be dealt with; her ignoring it will not make it go away.
About church, we both go to the same church and have all of our lives. We're both on our praise and worship team. She sings and I play the drums. I am a huge part of the worship team as I help with music and everything. I'm a member of our church, she is not. She says there's no point in going to church there after she graduates since she's definitely moving and working at her dream job.
I think after she sees how things may be in the real world, it may adjust her view on things, but I'm not sure.
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