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Old 03-20-2011, 09:20 PM
 
Location: DC
3,277 posts, read 10,384,035 times
Reputation: 1274

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So, I've been dating this guy for almost seven months. Things have been going great so far, or so I thought. Last weekend he had a very rough weekend with his family (tons of issues and bad history) and came back extremely upset. He broke a date on Monday, saying he needed some alone time to think and deal with this "existential crisis" that had developed. Yup, on Friday he came over and dumped me, saying that he has issues to work through, doesn't want to hurt me (more), yadda yadda yadda. Needless to say, I've been very upset. He said he wanted to be friends, which I agreed to, though usually when I'm told this it means that I might see the dude once in a blue moon. This one actually does seem to want to keep talking to me, and admittedly I haven't been much of a picnic to converse with these past few days so I'm surprised he's still making contact.

Anyway, I mentioned yesterday that something on my porch is broken and I don't know how to fix it. He offered to help, which I accepted, but then again this is one of several offers he's made for various things over the past few months and never got around to. Now he's insisting on coming Wednesday to fix it, despite bad weather.

Is he just feeling guilty or something? I told him it's not a big deal and it can wait, but he's being adamant. I've just never had a guy dump me and stick around before.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,188,712 times
Reputation: 39684
Quote:
Originally Posted by juniperbleu View Post
So, I've been dating this guy for almost seven months. Things have been going great so far, or so I thought. Last weekend he had a very rough weekend with his family (tons of issues and bad history) and came back extremely upset. He broke a date on Monday, saying he needed some alone time to think and deal with this "existential crisis" that had developed. Yup, on Friday he came over and dumped me, saying that he has issues to work through, doesn't want to hurt me (more), yadda yadda yadda. Needless to say, I've been very upset. He said he wanted to be friends, which I agreed to, though usually when I'm told this it means that I might see the dude once in a blue moon. This one actually does seem to want to keep talking to me, and admittedly I haven't been much of a picnic to converse with these past few days so I'm surprised he's still making contact.

Anyway, I mentioned yesterday that something on my porch is broken and I don't know how to fix it. He offered to help, which I accepted, but then again this is one of several offers he's made for various things over the past few months and never got around to. Now he's insisting on coming Wednesday to fix it, despite bad weather.

Is he just feeling guilty or something? I told him it's not a big deal and it can wait, but he's being adamant. I've just never had a guy dump me and stick around before.
He sounds truly conflicted. He must really like you as a person and hated having to hurt you by breaking up. It is your choice to remain friends with him, so do that if you want.

But most people need a real break from each other of at least as long as they were together before they can really attempt to be friends.

He sounds like a loose cannon to me and you may have just dodged a big bullet with this breakup. Family issues are huge red flags sometimes.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:52 PM
 
Location: DC
3,277 posts, read 10,384,035 times
Reputation: 1274
Thanks! This past weekend I've admittedly been clinging on to the contact, which I know isn't good. I don't want to lose him completely, as I would at least like to try and be friends, but I do plan to try and but some distance between us for a little while.

And yes, as upset as I am I know that this was for the best. He unfortunately wasn't as stable as I thought he was, but that's just how it goes sometimes.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:59 PM
 
16,752 posts, read 18,958,149 times
Reputation: 6839
This has the sound of something that isn't going to end well...
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Old 03-21-2011, 05:47 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 22,015,609 times
Reputation: 23996
Yes, I would tell him not to worry about fixing anything up. Tell him to take this time to work out his issues with his family, etc.
I might have even thrown in there somewhere to "call me sometime, if you ever wanna vent." Or not....
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:04 AM
 
12,461 posts, read 14,607,415 times
Reputation: 14208
Wow!, most people who have " a rough weekend with his family" and come back extremely upset, are usually very happy to have a friend they can confide in for support..I guess you're not that friend, it's kinda wierd to me that you've been demoted from girlfriend to just friend....strange
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:09 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 5,463,027 times
Reputation: 3416
I think I would have told him we need to take a break from each other and for him to sort out his feelings about his family. I don't know if I'd want him around anymore. For him to dump me because of family issues, there's a bigger problem there. I think you dodged a bullet and I'd start tapering off on seeing him.

Usually you want a gf closer to you after a family crisis not demoting them to friends. Kind of makes me wonder if they said anything about you.
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:13 AM
 
1,177 posts, read 1,878,021 times
Reputation: 1112
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
Wow!, most people who have " a rough weekend with his family" and come back extremely upset, are usually very happy to have a friend they can confide in for support..I guess you're not that friend, it's kinda wierd to me that you've been demoted from girlfriend to just friend....strange
sometimes people have family stuff they just have to take care of without the complications a girlfriend can bring to the picture. but i would say if he was really seriously in love with her he'd want her around for support. possibly he's using the family crisis as an excuse to break up with her.
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:45 AM
 
11,422 posts, read 12,696,988 times
Reputation: 12457
Maybe his family really made him realize he doesn't want to carry on this sort of offspring.

Coming home to a girlfriend who could actually carry on a gene pool such as his family must have scared the living tar out of him.

Just a thought...
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Old 03-21-2011, 12:16 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 55,728,940 times
Reputation: 26436
The only thing "wrong" with this relationship is the obvious lack of real communication between the parties involved. Seems to be the main problem where the majority of relationship dilemmas are concerned.
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