This forum kind of left me depressed... (too young, percentage, interested)

[calicali01]

Originally Posted by noellea

I'm not afraid of hearing varying opinions. That's why I love forums because people can say what they are thinking without having to tiptoe around someone else's feelings. I just wanted to get a general feel of the attitude people (men in general) have towards single mothers, especially those who aren't looking for a replacement father or supporter.

As a young male (18-25), I saw nothing wrong with single moms from a pure dating perspective, but as I turned into an adult (over 25), I realized through research, and general conversation with older experienced males that dating a single mom should be off limits, and even more so if the woman has multiple children by different fathers.

Furthermore, where I use to have sympathy for single mothers, I'm now indifferent towards their situation because many single mothers (at least the ones I know) where highly irresponsible in their youth and specifically made themselves sexually available to the worse type of guys who were around (ie, drug dealers, jailbirds, gigolos).

[lionking]

Originally Posted by Big-Bad-John

Well buddy, I'm sure you aren't the first guy with the guitar to hopefully save the day. I have to add that the quest is not easy. For me to take on a kid I would want to be 100% for him or her at all times. That means treating and loving them like my own. That's not the guy who dates the mom and goes out on the town expecting the kid to fen for themselves and eat Frosted Flakes for supper. Yeah, there are plenty of those types around. That's not a MAN. It's a cold hearted b*stard who uses women to get what he wants.

I agree and like I said before I couldn't become commited to a woman and not want to the dad. I was raised that a man's family is the first priority.

I have never used a woman with kids by dating her and leading her on. I have always been clear that I wasn't looking to be a dad. Of course in the first phase that is usually ok because it is just dating but as time goes by the hints of living together and that extra room in my house always popped up. Why? Because women may only want to date and have fun at first but ultimately they are looking for that long term score. And some men are to as well..

[donie1]

Originally Posted by NorthsideJacksonville

Women who think they're 10's usually rank far lower than what they project themselves to be. Sorry, but acting like your crap don't stink isn't a good look for anyone, man or woman. She, and you definitely aren't all that like you portray yourselves to be.

What is going on here? Can you people not comprehend what you are reading? I NEVER said I was a ten and neither did the OP.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by lionking

I agree and like I said before I couldn't become commited to a woman and not want to the dad. I was raised that a man's family is the first priority.

I have never used a woman with kids by dating her and leading her on. I have always been clear that I wasn't looking to be a dad. Of course in the first phase that is usually ok because it is just dating but as time goes by the hints of living together and that extra room in my house always popped up. Why? Because women may only want to date and have fun at first but ultimately they are looking for that long term score. And some men are to as well..

It is right and good that single moms want to settle down, so of course the smart ones are looking for a "long term score".

Nothing wrong with that.

Just don't date single moms if you truly aren't interested in being a step-parent - problem solved

[Big-Bad-John]

I find this thread very interesting. That is something that CAN'T be altered or changed. At least not easily. You can't run away from it. The guy who wasn't given a chance because he was working at a temporary job (bad economy) or needed to hit the gym to tone up or muscle up can/could change. It must be scary to be faced with this knowledge. I will assume that is the cause of snarking.

[donie1]

Originally Posted by evilnewbie

I go to the gym everyday after work and I am meticulous about hygiene... would I date someone obese? No, but I don't date them anyways and don't make it a point to say I don't date obese people... I don't point to them and laugh either and denigrate them either... they are the way they are and they should be happy with that... I never ever say someone isn't good enough for me cause God knows most of them are probably too good for me... The only thing I have going for me is my money and my career... but I treat everyone as if they are my equal, not a 6 or a 10... heck, I would marry a 6 if she was the one... it wouldn't matter on her looks... the only that matters is my feelings and how we get along...

I totally agree with what you're saying but I guess I didn't explain myself better to be understood. What I'm saying as far as 10s, 6's or whatever level someone thinks they are is not the level of attractiveness but of compatibility like the fit man vs the obese women scenario I gave. Do you understand what I'm saying? I know people are rating each other on looks but I was rating people and thinking I understood the OP more as rating in compatibility. Also with the rating, I gathered that the OP was saying that she was successful, etc and she didn't want to HAVE to step down to a man that was not as successful as her, etc.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

If a woman's a 10, does that mean she's a whale

[calicali01]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Just don't date single moms if you truly aren't interested in being a step-parent - problem solved

And young women who don't want to wind up like the op need to learn to keep their legs closed, and also learn that sex is not a sport, or recreation, but it's also for making babies. Problem solved

[MattB4]

Originally Posted by noellea

...

I'm a recently single mother (2 yr old twin boys). I was with their father for 4 years and after YEARS of wanting to leave, I finally got the courage. ...

Amazing.. simply amazing. All these posts and not one person to ask why you left the father of your children. No explanation of why a college educated, successful, hardworking attractive woman violated and left a lifetime vow in the ditch. Explanation of this might go much further to explain limiting factors of what kind of guys would look upon you as a possibility.

Originally Posted by noellea

...

Am I, a 26 year old, college educated, successful, hard working, attractive woman, destined to lower my standards and get stereotyped continuously just because I am a single mother?

That is why they are called stereotypes. What you do or not do will depend on what you wish to accomplish. Look at like this, if you had suffered a accident leaving your face and body disfigured, do you think your dating prospects would have changed? To you, your children are a plus. To most anyone else they are a potential complication. Not that this insurmountable, it just is what it is.

Stop being depressed by it and make the best choices you can.

[Big-Bad-John]

Originally Posted by calicali01

And young women who don't want to wind up like the op need to learn to keep their legs closed, and also learn that sex is not a sport, or recreation, but it's also for making babies. Problem solved

I would add a twist to that. I'd say that the guy who chases after you like there is no tomorrow and wants you in the worst way might be the better choice than the fool with a great line of BS!