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I have been seeing this guy for nearly three months, we are both in our 40's yet I still need someone to look in from the outside and pass their opinion for me !
He lives about 40 mins drive from me and has only been to my house once when he picked me up for a day out, I feel like he checked out that I was living on my own and then isnt bothered to come and stay over with me. Having said that he runs his own business near his home and is almost always at work ( from 7am and it makes sense for me to stay with him ) I think ! I always leave at this time when he goes to work.
We sometimes meet half way between our homes for supper and a film and end up going back to his, never a consideration that he comes to mine in his mind.
Neither of us have said the "L" word, I wont in case I scare him off, now I am really not sure that I could say it and mean it anyway.
When we are at his he just sits down and watches what he wants on his tv, never once has he asked me what I want to watch....he just puts on things that he has recorded....then often falls asleep and I am there, I feel wasting my time whilst he snores lol
The only time he is really affectionate is, yes you guessed it, is when we are under the duvet!
He texts me at the end of his working day but often doesnt wait for my reply and only sometimes do I get a whole sting of texts as a conversation
He rarely rings me, its all texting when he has the time ( thats how I feel anyway ! )
Sometimes it feels like he is just too busy to have time for me, but it doesnt take a second to send a text to show that you are thinking of someone does it.
I hadnt seen him for a week and text him that he would have forgottom me by the time we get to meet up, he text that I was unforgettable......I dort of took this as a sign that he was still interested.....We met up to take a drive as he had to do something for work, as soon as I got into his house he wanted to go to the bedroom, we did, went on the drive, had lunch out and came back to his. He put tv on and again just watched what he wanted and fell asleep ( early evening ) I asked if he wanted me to go early as he had a very early work start next morning, he said it would be best due to his really early start - I am now feeling like he was just using me, he got what he wanted and it feels as though there is nothing else there between us. No closeness, no having a laugh together etc and to me this is important.
This guy just doesnt seem to want to fall in love, or really be in a relationship. Having said that he is going abroad in june and october ( to car races) and talks about me coming with him ( not that I can afford it ! ) I wonder if he takes about the future in that way just to keep me around ? It seems all his other plans about what he is doing to "his" house etc all relate to him....I cant ever see him "sharing" his house ie living with someone.....humm....give it up as a bad job I guess.....and get on with my life ?
Just wanting an opinion here please, maybe I am expecting too much of him too soon....I think somehow this "relationship" is going to go nowhere?
Any ideas? As I write this I feel that I already know the answer.....
Today's update on situation
I havent seen him since the weekend as detailed - he has text me every evening when he finished work. Sunday he said we would go out thursday night, its thursday now. He was late at work and text me the usual how's your day message. Luckily I hadnt got ready to go out as I hadnt heard from him earlier in the day. There was no mention in his texts about staying at work so couldnt go out etc....I didnt mention it. He did ask if I was free at the weekend and he has said that he will cook for me and make it a suprise for me.
I text him later this evening about something and as I expected he didnt reply. I does seem that he fits his time to contact me in when he is shutting up shop at work and only then. Its just not good enough in my eyes
Is he really trying to make an effort here? Or just cook and get me to stay over. I am confusing myself about him at the moment and for once in my life just dont know what to do or indeed how to tell him that I dont want to see him as I think that's what I am going to have to do to keep my sanity and stop posting about him on here !
his house is totally a bachelor pad, he is definately single....and I feel that's how he wants it to stay, either that or he just doesnt know what makes a woman feel special
When we are at his he just sits down and watches what he wants on his tv, never once has he asked me what I want to watch....he just puts on things that he has recorded....then often falls asleep and I am there, I feel wasting my time whilst he snores.
Dump him. It's not even "just a booty call" when he falls asleep in front of the TV. He sounds selfish, obtuse, inconsiderate and seemingly has no interest in any commitment. Do you want that? If not, get to steppin'.
To me, I wouldn't change the way my apartment looked if I was dating a girl for only a few months. To me, a few months isn't long at all.
Red flags for me would have been he falling asleep while you were there, and being inconsiderate of your being there. I could justify him not sending many messages during the day, because he does work, and he may be really busy, but he's only affectionate when your clothes come off and no where else.
I mean, from the way you posted, this guy seems like he's getting everything he wants, and that's what's between your legs.
- When we are at his he just sits down and watches what he wants on his tv
- never once has he asked me what I want to watch
- he just puts on things that he has recorded
- he often falls asleep and I am there
- he only time he is really affectionate is when we are under the duvet
- He rarely rings me
- as soon as I got into his house he wanted to go to the bedroom
- This guy just doesnt seem to want to fall in love, or really be in a relationship.
- I cant ever see him "sharing" his house ie living with someone
- I am now feeling like he was just using me, he got what he wanted
I could go on - there's more, but honestly, there is only one question: How is it that, at your age, you don't have more respect for yourself and more sense than to put up with this?
Oh thanks to all who have replied so far - this IS what I need to hear - I know it really as nothing he does makes me feel special or wanted and he never says how he feels about anything let alone me! just need to hear it so I can give him the heave ho.....
You are so right ! He has a wonderful 2 person shower and a spa bath....I have suggested we make use of both but he has not taken me up on this in 3+ months....
He sleeps on sofa until 1 or 2 am then will come to bed to do.....he complained one night when I "took" him to bed at 11pm !! Said he had never been to bed so early .....just not on the same wavelength at all are we
I'm a little older than you, so here's my take on this.
This "relationship" (and I hesitate to use that word) is ALL ABOUT HIM. There is no "us" or "we" in the circumstances. It sounds like about the only thing you've got going with him is the sex. A Friend with Benefits only without the Friend part and only the benefit part.
If you're having doubts, especially at the early stages of this so-called relationship, you already know what you should be doing about this. You definitely deserve better than this. Move on.
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