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Old 03-26-2011, 09:14 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,144 posts, read 2,842,200 times
Reputation: 3333

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Losing a son at 37 yrs old, man, that's gotta be rough.

Our kids our supposed to go before the parents.

Hang in there, it will be better.

Thanks for caring! I didn't really plan to make this thread "about me!" Guess I got carried away talking about my losses...Good that others are sharing too! It's not good to hold everything inside...Better to have emotional support. Don't you think? Thanks again!
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Old 03-26-2011, 09:29 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,401,296 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Thanks for caring! I didn't really plan to make this thread "about me!" Guess I got carried away talking about my losses...Good that others are sharing too! It's not good to hold everything inside...Better to have emotional support. Don't you think? Thanks again!
Absolutely, CA! Don't try to be brave and hold everything in. Like I said before, it usually comes out and sometimes in inappropriate ways like yelling at someone for something minor and then embarrassing yourself.

If you could find a local grief group that might be able to help you. With 2 deaths in your immediate family, it's got to be very hard some days.

I didn't go to counseling or to a grief group. Sometimes I wish I had of because maybe I would have dealt with my emotions sooner.

You might even find friends in the group that you could do fun things with.
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Old 03-26-2011, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,144 posts, read 2,842,200 times
Reputation: 3333
donie1...Thanks for writing and caring! I seem to be doing much better since I gave myself permission to let everything come out! I've always been a "tough cookie" and my son was used to seeing me strong! (My husband saw all of my "sides!")....Over the past few days I've been having some great talks with my son and he wants me to cry and grieve and be my "real self" with him!...Did you have some close friends to talk to or family members after your husband died? Hope so!...I feel so much better now that I've started talking versus "playing soldier" and keeping things locked up inside so much! Thanks again for caring!
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Old 03-27-2011, 01:43 AM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,401,296 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
donie1...Thanks for writing and caring! I seem to be doing much better since I gave myself permission to let everything come out! I've always been a "tough cookie" and my son was used to seeing me strong! (My husband saw all of my "sides!")....Over the past few days I've been having some great talks with my son and he wants me to cry and grieve and be my "real self" with him!...Did you have some close friends to talk to or family members after your husband died? Hope so!...I feel so much better now that I've started talking versus "playing soldier" and keeping things locked up inside so much! Thanks again for caring!
Claire, good to hear that you're able to be yourself in front of your son and that might just speed up your recovery and grief. Your grief will always be there for your son and husband but it will lessen over time were you'll be happy most of the time and able to enjoy life.

No, I didn't have any friends or family to talk over when my hubby died. I think that's why it took so long for me to get over his death. He was young and I was even younger (10 years younger then him) when he passed. I've kept myself busy with the kids, house and my numerous businesses since his death and I feel fine now talking about him and when I think of him, I'm no longer sad.
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Old 03-27-2011, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,144 posts, read 2,842,200 times
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donie1...I'm sorry that you went through so many rough years after your husband passed away...I was a single parent for 12 years after I divorced my first husband. Everything was on my shoulders and I tried to be strong for my kids...I dated once in awhile but never really expected to get married again...Then one day I met a really cute and sweet man who made me smile again...I feel like "Humpty Dumpty" right now! I'm all in "pieces!" But one day I'll put myself and my life back together again in a "new way!" You did! And I found a way to "go on" after my divorce from my first husband. (Even though it wasn't easy right at first.)
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:08 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,401,296 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
donie1...I'm sorry that you went through so many rough years after your husband passed away...I was a single parent for 12 years after I divorced my first husband. Everything was on my shoulders and I tried to be strong for my kids...I dated once in awhile but never really expected to get married again...Then one day I met a really cute and sweet man who made me smile again...I feel like "Humpty Dumpty" right now! I'm all in "pieces!" But one day I'll put myself and my life back together again in a "new way!" You did! And I found a way to "go on" after my divorce from my first husband. (Even though it wasn't easy right at first.)
Claire, you'll put your "pieces" back together one day and become whole again. It just takes time. You're having fun with your son and doing things to move forward so you're taking it step by step, day by day and eventually you'll be be feeling better again.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:15 PM
 
2,934 posts, read 3,546,677 times
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If my husband died, I can't even imagine dating someone else... for a LONG time. Maybe years. It takes a long while to get over the death of someone you love and were married to for such a long time.

What's wrong with being alone and on your own for awhile? You'll know in your heart when you're ready again.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,144 posts, read 2,842,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1 View Post
Claire, you'll put your "pieces" back together one day and become whole again. It just takes time. You're having fun with your son and doing things to move forward so you're taking it step by step, day by day and eventually you'll be be feeling better again.
Thanks again for writing and caring!
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,144 posts, read 2,842,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
If my husband died, I can't even imagine dating someone else... for a LONG time. Maybe years. It takes a long while to get over the death of someone you love and were married to for such a long time.

What's wrong with being alone and on your own for awhile? You'll know in your heart when you're ready again.
I have no desire to start dating right now! I know I'm not ready!
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Old 02-20-2012, 08:41 PM
 
3 posts, read 2,042 times
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I am dating a widower and struggling I was googling dating widows and this thread popped up. I see it is an old thread but I just need to write!
I met this wonderful man at a grief group. I lost a man I loved very much and dated for one year to suicide. I was heartbroken. A man in the group asked me to go to dinner and I really hesitated. I didn't think I was ready to date and didn't even want to date. I went ahead because I wanted someone to talk to. He had been married almost 30 years. His wife had been dead a little over a year and Greg the man I loved had been dead only 3 months. I'm not sure how it happened so quickly but we got intimate by the 3rd date. We told each other we loved each other a month or so later. I wanted to die before I met him and then it started to seem like life may be okay! He seemed happier too. BUT.... There's always a BUT in these sorts of threads ... I found he wanted to talk more about his deceased wife than rhe seemed interested in wanting to get to know me. He had maybe 25 pics up of her on Facebook and his house looked like she still lived there. Her clothes were in the closet and pictures up of her all over the walls. It seemed like I was more of a grief counselor than girlfriend. I "GET" how you can love someone who died and never stop loving them and still love again. I feel that way about Greg. Yet... its uncomfortable to be on the other side of the fence. Plus our grief is different. I dated Greg one year. He was married for 30 and has an adult daughter with his deceased wife. I understand the difference but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like #2 and Lesser than. It sucks. He didn't want to put up my pictures on Facebook. I later found out it was because he was worried about hurting his in laws. He attacked me verbally when I pushed him to put up my pictures. I was so hurt! I demanded he take his deceased wifes pictures down because I was angry he didn't want mine up. After much fighting he did and put mine up.... but it felt awful... for both of us. I want a man who wants my pictures up! The same type of fights have emerged since with regards to pictures... I think it wouldn't have bothered me having her pics up if he had wanted mine up without such strong hesitation and fights over it. LONG story.... This isn't easy. Its been 9 months and I wonder if he will ever see me as his partner... if I will ever feel like I am not number 2. I wonder if he is really ready... She has been dead now a little over 2 years. I dont know if I am just a comfort to have because I am a woman and he is lonely and needs some sort of relationship but at arms length. He told me last night he loves me but may not be ready to give me what he wants... meaning marriage and living together. I dont know if I am ready for that either but I do want to be in a relationship where I feel like I am "the Woman" not that his wife is "THE WOMAN" and I am a filler in since he doesn't have who he wishes he had.
He has called me selfish and self centered. Sometimes I wonder if I am. Maybe I am being childish. Before Greg I was married to an abusive alcoholic who cheated on me. I was never loved or mattered much for 21 years of marriage. Part of me would like to experience what being loved and cared for and being the only woman would feel like. I did have that briefly with Greg before he died. Do I really want to always feel lesser than? Will he in time let go of her and embrace a life with me? Am I wasting my time and am getting deeper into a situation where I am going to get very hurt? I dont know. A part of me thinks he loves me and in time this will work but I dont feel 100 percent certain. Dating a widower is NOT EASY. But here I am... wondering what to do

Thanks for listening... or rather reading
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