How Has Your Upbring Effected Your Relationships? (girls, personality, divorced)
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IMO, men do not look for somebody similar, they look for mommy again. In which case they should just stay home with her because no woman is ever going to compare in the first place.
Shucks. Not my mom. I married a woman who is almost her complete opposite, thanks.
I guess I'm mostly talking about your parents' marriage, or the marriage of those who raised you.
Too late! I already opened this sumbich, I'm going to reply (My mom raised me by herself).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble
Reading another thread got me wondering, how many of you grew up in happy families and how many did not. Also, if you were fortunate, have you been able to find the same happiness that your parents had, able to duplicate that bliss in your own relationships? If you grew up in a bad family situation has that plagued you in your relationships?
Not really possible for anyone to know for sure. But here's my guess at what difference the way my mom raised me has made:
1. My mom provided me with a quiet environment, lots of privacy, and the same sort of respect she expected me to return to her. This has shaped who I am, the pluses in which include being responsible, considerate, and far less obnoxious than most guys in my age group seem to be.
2. My mom told me to put my wife first when I grew up. While I'm not legally married to my gf, I've taken the sentiment and ran with it. Good advice, IMO! When the person you're with is aware that they're a high priority in your life, it keeps them from becoming insecure, therefore preventing all the little problems that insecurity can bring.
3. My mom raised me to believe commitment, monogamy, and faithfulness were all important. So while other guys were talking about what other women they'd like to have sex with, I was looking for just one/focusing on just one.
4. She taught me the value of open communication. So now that I'm in a relationship, I don't hesitate to bring up any subject between me and my gf that's bothering me (tactfully, of course).
5. My mom didn't teach me (because she didn't know) anything about cars, construction, electronics, or any other facets of what it takes to be a "handyman". So... I'm not one. This made a difference in my last long-term relationship, I think, but not in my current one.
6. She also didn't teach me the importance of socializing as much as other parents probably did, whether intentionally or unintentionally. So even today, it seems I struggle with more social awkwardness than most of my peers. This might've prevented me from spending so much time on MySpace (where I met my gf), and who knows whether that would've been better or worse? I'm happy where I'm at though.
Daddy didn't raise no fool. I can contribute my libertarian streak to him (along with a bunch of thinking on my own). Taught me right from wrong, to work hard but never sell yourself short, and kept me in line with good ass whooping when I really messed up. Momma taught me that it's okay to splurge every once in a while on something you really want (you can't take your money with you when you go). Dad is cheap to a fault, and momma is the exact opposite. One of the many factors that led to their divorce. Perhaps combined, the most important thing they taught me is to marry right the first time around.
Last edited by Philosophizer; 07-10-2012 at 01:37 PM..
My parents should have been divorced years ago. Instead, they will be married 45 years come this October.
My father has been a saint and an enabler to my mother and her terrible ways all these years. While she was the loving one, she was also the one with the temper and walked all over my father and basically treated him like crap. She has basically treated him like a doormat, and because my dad is old school, and firmly believes in marriage lasting through thick and thin, he allows her to do it. She basically has emasculated him. There are personal and logical reasons why she is the way she is that I will not get into, but my brothers and I witnessed enough fights in our lifetime to know that we did not want a relationship like our parents.
I think because of this, it explains why I swore to myself a long time ago I would never treat a man the way my mother did to my father. He deserves so much better. While going through that has made me a much stronger woman and non tolerant of BS, it has also made me question how I could ever be a mother myself. She didn't necessarily abuse us, but growing up was pretty tumultuous. We had no idea which mother we were encountering when coming home from school. And while some may consider me a "daddy's girl" for all of this, I have legitimate reasons.
One thing I will say it did teach me. To never let anyone treat me like crap. To recognize the signs and to walk away when it happens.
My parents have been married for about 30 years, but I don't value marriage all that much because their lives seem pretty boring and I don't want that kind of lifestyle. In fact,most of the married couples I know have pretty boring lives while only a couple seemingly have exciting lives while married. I also love all kinds of women and really have no desire to be with just one woman for the rest of my life (at least not at this point in my life).
However, I'll likely end up marrying one day for no other reason than to provide my kid(s) with a good home life and to make my mom happy.
My parents were both pretty fantastic. They did stick together for the kids before getting the divorce, which in our case was a good idea as they didn't fight or yell, they just got bored with each other and eventually turned into siblings.
The biggest positives from my folks is they taught us that we could do anything we wanted to do in life. Biggest negatives was they were terrible with money. Learned a lesson from both; about sacrifice and the value of money, which is always down played in this country as if it was bad?
The people I know from broken homes seem to have more relationship drama...one thing I noticed, my parents were good, I tended to expect everyone to be good and decent. had to learn that lesson the hard way.
My parents perfect relationship (putting their marriage and careers ALWAYS before their children) has made me not believe in marriage and not want to have children.
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