Reluctant spouse doesn't want to move (girlfriend, younger, child, sex)

[3a's]

I am very happy for you and your family just keep in mind to try to help her get used to the neighborhood you moved to and the children. Get involved in different things don't just let the kids and her be left to fend for themselves this is a very hard transition for all you starting a new job- kids and wife leaving something they are comfortable with. Make sure they get involed in sports, library-reading, school-pta, church whatever interests they had where you from and check into some new ones. Life is an adventure sometimes, we can feel blue and sometimes we can fly as high as a kite. Keep the lines of communication open with your family and I am happy if I helped. Gotta go to sleep have a great night and enjoy every breath you take on this earth because you never know when it will be your last. PS I just moved 5 months ago during the move my youngest became very sick-he is doing fine now just need to keep an eye on him at all time-when this happens you realize how important life is and how strong you can become. Through all of our moves it has brought my husband and I into a stronger relationship than anyone can imagine.

[trixie09]

Thanks so much for the supportive comments on my post! This has been such a helpful thread to read.

Update on my situation. Oddly enough, my husband sat down with me this weekend and said that he, too, has just about had it with the weather and being so far from "home." It may be too early to know, but he is starting to look at opportunities in his industry back in California, or at least somewhere with more than 90 sunny days a year. So the divorce is put on the back burner, as we may be working toward the move together. I know that I am going, but I am willing to wait a bit if it means we can do this together. (I think the fact that we've had one of the most miserable and dark spring/summer in history here really influenced his change of heart, but I'm not complaining.)

Every place has its positives and negatives, you just have to find the ones that resonate with you.

[trixie09]

Originally Posted by SouthernSarah

i am sorry you are getting a divorce. I don't know how you stood living there for eight years. My brother lives there and thinks he is in heaven, but for me, a place that is dark, drizzly and grey nine months out of the year is mind bending. I could not do it! I was raised in CA and have been in Nashville for the past 20 years. One of the reasons I am moving to Las Vegas in eight weeks is because I cannot stand the number of drizzly, stormy days in TN. I cannot begin to imagine dealing with them where you are. So, are you going back to CA?

Thanks so much! As I just posted above, my husband appears to have reached the same conclusion as I did.. only 8 years later. So we may be trying to do the move together!

I know that many people love it in the PNW, but for me it just didn't click. Some of us are just sunny people! I think it best describes my predicament when I find it weird that sun is streaming into the kitchen in the morning when I wake up, or that I was able to sit on the futon in my office and read with the sun coming through the window in the afternoon. It's just so rare, and yet those are the things I live for (not to mention year-round farmer's markets.)

Best of luck on your move, too!! I know people in LV and they love it!

[SouthernSarah]

Originally Posted by trixie09

Thanks so much! As I just posted above, my husband appears to have reached the same conclusion as I did.. only 8 years later. So we may be trying to do the move together!

I know that many people love it in the PNW, but for me it just didn't click. Some of us are just sunny people! I think it best describes my predicament when I find it weird that sun is streaming into the kitchen in the morning when I wake up, or that I was able to sit on the futon in my office and read with the sun coming through the window in the afternoon. It's just so rare, and yet those are the things I live for (not to mention year-round farmer's markets.)

Best of luck on your move, too!! I know people in LV and they love it!

Thanks, good luck to you, too! I am so glad your husband is going with you. Now you can be with the guy you love AND be where it is not going to depress you. I am excited about moving to LV. No humidity, lots of sun, here I come!

[DJBrosco]

Originally Posted by bouncethelight

Just because she "came to her senses and has moved" doesn't mean it's going to be an easy transition for her. And if she's miserable, she may start thinking about moving back...

I would be very sensitive to what she's going through right now - you got what you wanted - but she's lost a lot - and that can be hard.

Of course it's not an easy transition...not just for her, but for the kids as well. And I also had to give up a job and move from a place I lived my entire adult life and move away from my mother. Instead of seeing her grandchildren once a week, now it may be once every few months.

You go through life trying to better yourself for you and your family, but it's not always going to be wrapped in a bow and sitting on your doorstep. We all have to make hard choices in life, but some of those choices turn to better situations once the storm has passed. Some people aren't able to make the hard choices and may need help. She's been indecisive on many things in the past, but I had to show her that this was not like choosing furniture. This was moving a family, to another state. You can't just change your mind. And I can understand if I just sprung it on her and didn't give her a choice. I talked to her about the possibility of moving for a job and she was all for it, and this was before I even interviewed. I kept her informed on what was happening every step. It wasn't until I told her I got the job that she decided to have second thoughts. And then to tell me I can go without her and the kids...that is extreme emotion and hurt me alot. But I was willing to do what I had to do and she finally realized it. That's when she "came to her senses." She's not the only one that had to give up something.

[Hockeywife14]

I'm in the same predicament, my husband's family treats him terribly and my family is encouraging the move. He does say we'll go but "it's not time yet" well here there is NO jobs.terrible weather and I just want OUT NOW!?!? How has your issues worked out?

[Dogloverof2]

I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread. I was just going to start a similar one. I'm going through the same situation.

Here goes:

Both grew up in PA. We've been married 23 years. Moved to FL 12 years ago. Had 2 children, now grown. Grandbaby on the way. I would like to stay here, husband has been wanting to move since we got here.

I can't move back to PA. Can't do 9 months of bad weather, just not me. I like the FL sun.

Thought about it not being fair to make my husband stay, he stayed long enough. A compromise is the best option but will either of us be happy? He feels stuck and wants out now!

We did compromise to go halfway back. I've been preparing myself for several years. Have been doing lots of research. Found a couple areas in N. and S. Carolina we both like. Thought I was ready to go but now getting cold feet because it's coming real soon.

Husband said if he doesn't get out of here soon, he will move back to PA by himself. He wants me to go with him wherever he goes. Anywhere but here.

So hard to leave children, grandbaby on the way, friends and what I know. I like this area very much. It makes me anxious to no end!

House must sell first. Husband says take what we can get. He just wants to move on feels he needs a fresh start. He's tired of feeling trapped.

I want to stay with my husband but don't want to leave my kids. How can I handle this difficult situation?

[vk40]

Dogloverof2- I feel your pain. Our problem is the kind of the opposite, but kind of the same. I want to move so badly having lived in the same state for thirty years. I told my husband that once our kids have graduated, he can either stay or come with me. That is in about 3.5 years. The main thing that he is tied to is his job- after years of our fights, and the kids hating living here, he agreed a change would be nice. I can't imagine finally getting to move to a place I was happy in, and my husband wanting to move back here 12 years later- it would crush me!! That's a really tough position for you to be in and I hope someone has some good advice for you!!!

[3a's]

Doglover 2-We as humans will always have anxiety when trying something in our lives it is at different levels. Moving is a very high anxiety since it is a life change. Just a few things to consider and ask hubby about:
Have you went to these places and vacationed at these places in N and S Carolina? If yes, have you been there consecutively for at 10 years once a year? the reason why I ask is we always think that some places are better places to live but once we get there we find out it is not.
Why does your husband feel trapped? Have him give you some good reasons and look within his heart.
Then list out your reasons for staying. Leaving the place you are living people have in their mind will change everything but usually those problems follow you no matter where you live and you have to deal with them first before changing your location. Problems always have your forwarding address.
I agree wholeheartedly on the sun thing we all need vitamin d and the more you move north the less you get, I grew up in the north but now in the southern. Good Luck and I hope I helped!

[DubbleT]

I don't buy into the whole "you can be happy where ever you are" theory either. IMO some people just don't fit into certain places. For me growing up in a small town in the upper midwest and being stuck in a large city in the sweltering south just did not work, at all. The whole lifestyle made me very unhappy, and probably made me a more miserable person to live with too. Feeling trapped or stuck in a place you hate can put a negative spin on everything else in your life.
I left my husband, lots of reasons, but one of which was the fact that after 20 years of living in his home town ( a place I hated ) he simply could not bring himself to leave, even though he had been promising me for years we would move. I felt like my needs simply didn't matter to him at all. That is very damaging to a relationship.
If your husband is willing to compromise on location I think you should give that serious consideration. It's great that you want to be around your kids, friends, etc, but where does your husband fit into all this, how important is he to you?