Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-28-2011, 02:16 PM
 
42 posts, read 277,131 times
Reputation: 42

Advertisements

I didn't know about this characteristic until just a few days ago, after I had been spending some time reflecting on my recently ended relationship. I understand it to mean that I prioritize other people's needs and happiness higher than my own. If she has a problem, I will do what I can to fix it for her. Seem's like a very 'guy' thing to do, right?

Well, I am still in the mourning stages, and I was at a bar drowning my sorrows when I started chatting with lady. Pretty standard bar banter but I eventually started into my last relationship. I could tell I was losing her interest, but I didn't care because I wasn't looking for a hook-up.

Anyway, I started talking about my realization about me being co-dependent. She kind of backed up a bit, but then I explained it just like I did above. We ended up exchanging numbers and she has been texting and calling me for the last 3 days. Go figure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-28-2011, 02:19 PM
 
19,492 posts, read 12,122,052 times
Reputation: 26264
She appreciated that you opened up to her. Women like that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2011, 03:14 PM
 
Location: NH
122 posts, read 278,168 times
Reputation: 115
Maybe she's got BPD and she's looking for someone to be her co-dependent. I'd be careful
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2011, 03:54 PM
 
2,066 posts, read 4,328,497 times
Reputation: 1992
People throw around the co-dependent label too often.
If you happen to be someone who cares and does whatever it takes for your "special" someone then you are co-dependent
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2011, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
People throw around the co-dependent label too often.
If you happen to be someone who cares and does whatever it takes for your "special" someone then you are co-dependent
Well, that's one of the numerous ways of nurturing more selfishness and inspiring more divorces!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2011, 04:18 PM
 
42 posts, read 277,131 times
Reputation: 42
I agree. I think what matters is where you draw the line. I don't think there is anything wrong with helping someone out when issues arise outside of their control and you have the means.

On the other hand, when the issue actually is the person (habit or addiction), this is a slippery slope. You care about her enough that you don't want her to ruin her life, but when it gets to the point that you are in a downspin because of her downspin, then it becomes unhealthy. You can't win because your happiness is becomes contingent on someone else who may actually NOT be fixable no matter how much you do, and the only thing you can do is walk away.

Walking away is something I have a difficult time doing and is not always an option for others.

Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
People throw around the co-dependent label too often.
If you happen to be someone who cares and does whatever it takes for your "special" someone then you are co-dependent
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2011, 10:42 PM
 
8,862 posts, read 17,444,056 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by 98db View Post
I didn't know about this characteristic until just a few days ago, after I had been spending some time reflecting on my recently ended relationship. I understand it to mean that I prioritize other people's needs and happiness higher than my own. If she has a problem, I will do what I can to fix it for her. Seem's like a very 'guy' thing to do, right?

Well, I am still in the mourning stages, and I was at a bar drowning my sorrows when I started chatting with lady. Pretty standard bar banter but I eventually started into my last relationship. I could tell I was losing her interest, but I didn't care because I wasn't looking for a hook-up.

Anyway, I started talking about my realization about me being co-dependent. She kind of backed up a bit, but then I explained it just like I did above. We ended up exchanging numbers and she has been texting and calling me for the last 3 days. Go figure.
I think we are all codependent. I know I'm rather tired of this term. How on earth can you be involved with others and not be concerned for them--inserting Barbra Streisand Cd---'People Who Need People'.
Anyway if you said that to me I would lol and say, 'Join the Club'.

Glad this approach worked out for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2011, 10:52 PM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,638 posts, read 20,130,445 times
Reputation: 28747
Because co-dependent is all fun & games until someone is smothering the hell out you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2011, 12:52 AM
 
1,090 posts, read 1,831,571 times
Reputation: 818
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
Because co-dependent is all fun & games until someone is smothering the hell out you!
this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2011, 01:50 AM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,396,687 times
Reputation: 12985
I don't think you are co-dependent. I think what you described is being her servant. It's hard not to like those who serve us.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:33 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top