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Old 03-29-2011, 06:43 AM
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,473,607 times
Reputation: 1561


As a wise woman on this very forum told me...Slow and steady wins the race.
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Old 03-29-2011, 06:53 AM
20 posts, read 9,780 times
Reputation: 223
Its a bit early in the relationship to be talking about love.

But to share an experience of my own. Generally I'm pretty careful in a relationship myself and I make sure that I don't mess up or do something that puts my thoughts and emotions into an "alienable" type of mood, but when I began going out with my current girlfriend it was only a month until I said "I am positive that I love you".

It was so different though because I've never really gone out of my way to say that before and especially SO EARLY in a relationship and didn't know why I had said it. She had the same reaction as you, mostly baffled like "what?!" and I did the same thing and said "you heard right, I love you" it was a bit weird from then on for about a week or so as she didn't respond to me much after that. I tried to figure out what or why triggered me to say it, it was mostly because I felt like I had a new appreciation or such finally with someone that I liked and liked me back.

Most of my previous relationships weren't anywhere close to as strong when it came down to feelings. But I had a talk with her after a week though (to skip some of the useless information too), and I explained it out that I probably wasn't thinking with a clear head and was just too into the idea of how much time we were spending together and that its something that I do want to wait until later on to come to any conclusions about, at least much further into our relationship than that of just a month. It's been about 2 years now and she's the one saying she loves me more so than me saying it back.

But I do love her though, I just don't get around to saying it as much.
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:00 AM
15 posts, read 18,603 times
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Haha I'm even more confused now. He gets so worried if he thinks he's upset me... rings me like 4 times in a row to try and reach me, leaves me voicemail. He does everything to please me, cooks and makes drinks when I visit, shops for presents for me, buys me flowers. He seem very nice and I do feel there is something there which is why I am still with him.... but alarm bells ring sometimes when he says stuff.

I don't see him every day and he seems ok with it. If I told him to slow down I'm sure he would... but now you mention the sex thing, he does want sex everytime I see him

OMG get outta there

He did say he would go without sex for 6 months to prove himself... now I type that it sounds really funny (rolls about laughing)...
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:09 AM
18,704 posts, read 19,192,225 times
Reputation: 12548
are you his first girlfriend?
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:22 AM
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan and Sometimes Orange County CA
16,283 posts, read 44,896,608 times
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Originally Posted by le roi View Post
are you his first girlfriend?

More important to be his last.

Many people are not even sure what love is. Most young people really have no idea. How do you distinguish it from lust or infatuation? Relationships always begin with a period of infatuation that usually lasts for a year to year and a half, sometimes longer. When the infatuation wears off, do you still feel like you want to be with that person all the time, and more than you want to do anything else? Then you are probably in love.

Lots of people get married based on infatuation and then maybe the eventually fall in love, or maybe they don't and end up divorced.

I listen to my kids with their girl/boyfriends. "i love you I love you" What the heck? You have only known each other for a month. Sorry, that is not love.

So can you fault your guy for not being entirely certain? I think not. He is just being honest. The concept of instant love is phooey. Love is a relationship that develops and builds over time. It may seem romantic to silly schoolgirls to believe that a guy will suddenly realize that he is madly in love with you, but that is no reality. He can be instantly in lust with you, or instantly infatuated, but love builds, it is not a poof event.

Are there any couples who go to the altar without the slightest twinge of doubt or conern in the back of their mind? I doubt it. Frankly, 99% is pretty darn good. Is anyone ever 100% certain of anything? 100% is a lot and there is no such thing as 110%. Heck many people are not even 100% certain that they actually exist and are not just part of a dream.
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:22 AM
10,833 posts, read 7,715,536 times
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I'm 99 percent sure this guy is too flakey to be worth your time. I could be wrong though.. there's always that one percent chance he's a keeper.
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:24 AM
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,673 posts, read 41,318,732 times
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Crikey, thank goodness you have your head on straight at least in some respects. I don't mean that unkindly or judgmentally but only knowing someone for a few weeks and hopping into the sack so quickly does seem a little premature, particularly in this day and age. I did it all the time back in the day but there wasn't much one had to worry about then in terms of STDs and worse.

Anyway, that aside, it's WAY premature to be talking "love" and, seriously, what's with this love in terms of percentages? I love you 99%, No, wait, I love you 100%. I love you 15%, no, wait, I love you 63%. Is this guy 10 or what? He sounds more than a little needy. Good luck!
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:36 AM
15 posts, read 18,603 times
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He is divorced and has been on his own for 5 years. He is in his 40's. My first opinion was that he was just desperate for love. His ex had a few affairs while they were married.
He did tell me that he has come on too strong with a couple of women he dated before he met me ( a couple of years ago). Maybe he just wants someone.....anyone!!!!
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Old 03-29-2011, 12:44 PM
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
6,473 posts, read 9,233,107 times
Reputation: 7948
Originally Posted by Two sheds View Post
What is this man trying to tell me? We haven't known each other long and he says he'd like to see me every day and talks about us being together forever. I'm very wary of people who talk like this so early in a relationship
That is wise - people who form quick attachments often have shallow emotions and don't truly understand what love is. I think he's confused and scared. He wants to love you but either doesn't really know what love is or is scared to give over his heart completely. But he doesn't understand that it's okay to not be in love this early on. He thought you'd be please to hear he is 99% sure he loves you but instead, you rightfully thought this was odd so he panicked that his comment would drive you away and overcompensated by constantly telling you that he really does love you, to reassure you and himself. But he knows that's not really true so he eventually went back to saying he's 99% sure. A 40-some year old guy who behaves like this? I'd get away from him as fast as I can.
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Old 03-29-2011, 03:10 PM
3,573 posts, read 4,443,107 times
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Originally Posted by Two sheds View Post
I have been dating a man for a few weeks and we get on very well. He already talks about having a future with me and is very attentive to my needs. We have a good sexual relationship and we are both happy.

The other day he told me he thinks he loves me. I asked 'what do you mean' and he said he is 99% sure he loves me...I have never heard anyone talk about love like this in % so I said 'don't tell me until you are sure' (otherwise to me its pointless, who talks like this?)

The next day he says he really does love me and tells me and rings me to tell me all through the day. Then he rang me in the evening and said 'he loves me, he really thinks he does...I'm 99% sure' and that he can't commit. Then he tells me he doesn't mean that, he means he doesn't want to get hurt.

What is this man trying to tell me? We haven't known each other long and he says he'd like to see me every day and talks about us being together forever. I'm very wary of people who talk like this so early in a relationship and sometimes I think he isn't genuine or is talking a load of rubbish, but on the other hand he went to so much trouble to make me a meal the other night.....
Why does he have to tell you he loves you right now? It's so early in your relationship that I don't see the point of either of you saying anything until you both know.
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