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How does one find a way to deal with social anxiety? I have very little experience with dating/sex. Knowing this, how does one approach men 25-30+ who are more experienced than me. What is adding to the social phobia is the fact that I eventually have to tell guys that I am not as experienced and they will wonder why.
I don't want a 19 yr old. I don't want to be fake. I don't want to lie. But I also don't want everyone to know how socially clueless I am, yet I believe most guys can see the obvious. So first, I need to know how I deal with my social anxiety in dating situations and then how to express it to other people.
I don't know any other way than to get out there and start dating. Don't worry about your lack of experience or what you think guys might think about it. The last thing I'd ever worry about when getting ready to go on a first date is how much dating experience my date has. I doubt many other guys care all that much, either.
most men won't notice too much or care at all if they did notice, as long as they like your personality and you look sexy to them. They will be more than happy to teach.
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Truth is, "experience" is not nearly the issue for guys that it is for girls. In fact, most guys will tell you there is such a thing as too much experience. (especially when it comes to sleeping around - high risk of STDs and you seeing him as "just another guy", you know).
Furthermore, women seem hung up on "social proof", so-called (i.e. preselection based on the so-called "wisdom of the crowds") more than men are. In fact, there's also such a thing as too much social proof. "Social Proof" is highly vulnerable to rumors, gossip, character assassination, and so forth. At best "social proof"(so-called) is only one set anecdotal or circumstantial evidences to place in your portfolio. That's why social proof is better called "social testimony", rather than outright "proof" of worthiness.
So if you're a good, decent person, don't worry about it. If you're still worried about it, then concentrate on hobbies, interests, and so forth. Not only will it give you more interesting things to talk about with a guy, it'll also go a long way to unchaining your self-esteem from your desirability to the opposite sex (a critical part of obtaining high self-esteem).
There are plenty of guys in that age range with little experience. Maybe you could start off with a goofy/nerdy/geeky guy who probably is just as anxious as you. This will give you a chance to build up your dating skills on typically easy prey. Get some practice with those guys before you start setting your sights higher.
People know if you're socially awkward. When you find someone you like and date, be open about it. A relationship is a two way street and largely it's about being able to be intimate with someone and share things about yourself with few limits.
Incidentally, you're a woman. Men who like you won't care how experienced you are.
Just be selective and make sure you pick someone who really wants to date you and not just hook up.
Take this from someone who has lived with shyness and social anxiety for most of their life, relax and be yourself. Sounds pretty simple, but it's the truth. It's the way to be in all areas of your life, not just dating. Do it while you are still young and not when you get to my age and realize all the years you wasted and how much easier it is to just relax and be you. Take care.
First off, I don't think you need to reveal that much about your past. When you feel ready and comfortable confessing that to a guy? Go ahead, but I imagine that occurring after you've dated for months, not right off the bat. If it's the right guy, it won't feel so scary any more.
How about looking for guys who are also shy and may suffer from social anxiety? Not only would it help to have that in common, but you might find yourself more at ease with someone who understands what you've gone through. Try to get involved with activities that interest you so you can meet more people.
I think you should just practice being social more, like set a goal of hanging out like once a month, or meeting new people. Im guessing your living in a city, so there are alot of opportunities there.
Theres tons of guys who are shy too, so your not alone!
Edit: btw i dont think you should discount younger guys either, there are many who are mature for their age.
How does one find a way to deal with social anxiety? I have very little experience with dating/sex. Knowing this, how does one approach men 25-30+ who are more experienced than me. What is adding to the social phobia is the fact that I eventually have to tell guys that I am not as experienced and they will wonder why.
I don't want a 19 yr old. I don't want to be fake. I don't want to lie. But I also don't want everyone to know how socially clueless I am, yet I believe most guys can see the obvious. So first, I need to know how I deal with my social anxiety in dating situations and then how to express it to other people.
No one will know how "socially clueless" you are unless you tell them...Why do you feel you must "eventually tell them" that you are not experienced? Probably they wonder why you would tell them that more than they wonder why you're not experienced. You don't need to express anything to anyone...just be yourself, love yourself like you are and be happy.
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