Marrying the wrong person (wife, marriage, women, love)

[DONNIEANDDONNA417]

How do you know if youve married the wrong person?

And if so do you divorce them or do you keep your vows?

[buddy5]

Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417

How do you know if youve married the wrong person?

And if so do you divorce them or do you keep your vows?

Are Ya'll having issues?

[Djuna]

You know you have married the wrong person when there is abusive behaviour, addiction issues or you are really unhappy.

People change sometimes and what was right back then may not be right anymore. If you have tried everything to get your marriage back on track and it hasn't made a difference, I see no point in living in misery for the rest of your life.

[ferretkona]

Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417

How do you know if youve married the wrong person?

And if so do you divorce them or do you keep your vows?

Only you can know! Sometimes you may know hours later, sometimes it may take years even decades. Often it is not so much about love as much as finding someone to put up with your baggage. We all have it. My first marriage was horrible, lasted 10 years. I remained un-married 10 more years, been married 10 wonderful years now to a woman I love. I know this marriage is forever.

No point to blame each other. Life is too short to compromise. Do not try to change anyone but yourself. No one is a diamond in the rough, if you try to change someone you will not like the results.

[DONNIEANDDONNA417]

Originally Posted by ferretkona

Only you can know! Sometimes you may know hours later, sometimes it may take years even decades. Often it is not so much about love as much as finding someone to put up with your baggage. We all have it. My first marriage was horrible, lasted 10 years. I remained un-married 10 more years, been married 10 wonderful years now to a woman I love. I know this marriage is forever.

No point to blame each other. Life is too short to compromise. Do not try to change anyone but yourself. No one is a diamond in the rough, if you try to change someone you will not like the results.

thats just it putting up with someone elses baggage. Im trying to deal with my dh issues but it gets worse everyday... I am worn out and ready to call it quits. its just not worth it anymore

[TaoistDude]

I agree with ferretkona. I married the wrong person the first time, and while I strongly suspected it early on, we tried for 25 unhappy years to make it work. Divorcing her was the second smartest thing I've done. The smartest was marrying the current and lasting love of my life. She and I are both certain this time that we found the right person.

Edit: I'll add that the easier the relationship works (and all relationships need some work, sometimes), and the more compatible you are from the beginning, the more right it is likely to be and feel. Many relationships can last a few years before things get unbearable, but the signs of incompatibility are usually there early on, if you heed them.

[Ellwood]

The first marriage we were "compatible" for ten years, then things turned really bad, emotional abuse and drinking. Children had problems and had to get help to deal with them. Things went from bad to worse and I looked for companionship outside the home. Finally had enough, filed for divorce, after 26 years.

I wasn't looking to get married again and met my "best friend" and we lived together for five years. We did get married and it is definitely a "happy, ever after" relationship. We are now retired and together 24/7 and couldn't be happier, only wish we had met before my first marriage.

How do you know the marriage is over? When you pull in your driveway and have a feeling of dread and not wanting to go home.

[jeepgirl27]

Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417

How do you know if youve married the wrong person?

And if so do you divorce them or do you keep your vows?

You know when you no longer love that person you married? Marriage is very sacred its about respect, you don't cheat, yell, abuse, demean, your supposed to uplift and build one another. Just because your married doesn't mean you can treat your spouse anyway and think its ok because your married. And it don't mean you have to stay and put up with disrespect from your spouse. And it all depends on what your vows are? Not everyone has the same vows. If you have to question wether or not you married the right person than you probably didn't. When I knew I could never love my husband like a wife should..I told him I wanted a divorce before I went out and cheated on him, I knew was no fair to him to have a wife who wasn't inlove with him. He told me since we had the same religious beliefs we couldn't divorce until one of us cheated..So he moved out, filed for seperation..I eventually met someone was with him. Called my husband the next day after having sex with his man and told him we can divorce now. I left the marriage with 4 kids and no job. So when women say they need to stay because of kids is a bunch of croc. Why be in a loveless marriage. And I yet to find those who say oh my parents who didnt love each other but they stayed married for us kids and we were better because of it. I hear more of I wish my parents divorced instead of putting us thru their loveless marriage they did us no favor.

[stan4]

If you're focus on the negative and let the love die, anyone can turn into 'the wrong person.'

I think a lot of it is in who you choose; and then a lot of it is how both of you commit to the happiness of the relationship.

[mermaid825]

When you're certain you would be much happier alone (and not with "someone better").