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Old 04-06-2011, 10:50 PM
 
Location: So Cal
23,712 posts, read 17,397,346 times
Reputation: 22325
The whole idea of an early 40 yr old guy not wanting to date a woman 5 yrs or so younger is beyond moronic.

To point that I'm sorta embarrassed for the OP....

I'm 41, I'm the OP's age..... if some dude said this shyt to me when we're we having a few beers I'd laugh in his face.........no JOKE.


LOL..... ah.... silliness.... seems to be running rampant.

 
Old 04-07-2011, 02:01 AM
 
2,944 posts, read 2,194,514 times
Reputation: 3078
Interesting. This woman wrote about dating over 40.

What I
 
Old 04-07-2011, 07:53 AM
 
1,646 posts, read 1,206,609 times
Reputation: 853
Quote:
Originally Posted by df175 View Post
I'm in my early 40s and I've realized in the last 2-3 years just how uninterested I am in single women around my age. There are always exceptions, but it's rare. I mostly find women around 5-10 years younger attractive, holding most other factors equal.

Recently I was put in kind of an awkward situation where a woman with whom I was socially acquainted put me on the spot. In many objective ways we were compatible but the chemistry just wasn't there on my part. To be clear, I never led her on.

The long and the short of it was that she dumped on me with an accusative tone about "age-ism" and about how hard it's been for her to get dates, almost pleading for some kind of sympathy or justification. It was hard for me to deny, but what can I do?

I don't think my feelings make me a bad person. I mean, if the mojo is not there, it's just not there. I cannot rationalize away my gut reactions.

Many women seems to put a lot of stock in youthful looks and even if they are accomplished in other ways, it seems a deep blow for them to lose them, to lose the attention of men that comes automatically and in abundance.

Few men are rarely so handsome as to attract women based on mostly looks (including myself!), so I think that women should understand that it's hard to be genuinely sympathetic. Intellectually I can see from where aging women are coming, but not at a visceral level.
Based on this (and I am like 5-10 years younger than you) I find you extremelly unattractive LOL
 
Old 04-07-2011, 08:08 AM
 
7,482 posts, read 8,005,202 times
Reputation: 6233
A lot of people have a hard time coming to terms with their age. It's especially hard if you haven't had to think about in a while. For example, imagine you got married in your 20s. Now that you've been off the market for a while, you haven't had to worry so much about how attractive you are to the opposite sex. It still matters to you, but maybe not as much as when you were single. Flash forward 10-15 years. You're in your 40s, you've put on weight, lost your hair, and just recently divorced. So you step back out onto the dating scene, but it hasn't quite sunk in that you're no longer that 25 year old with the great body, the youthful appearance, etc. that you used to see in the mirror.

I think for a lot older men, agreeing to date a woman their age feels like an admission that they're old. "Oh look at me. I couldn't get a hot 25 year old so I had to settle for some slightly overweight 40 year old women." The keyword there is settle. This word has such a negative connotation that people will go out of their way to avoid been seen as someone who's settled. On the other hand, if you can snag a woman in her 20s or early 30s, you can feel good about yourself. "Look at me. I've still got it." So a lot of what you see is driven by insecurity. They don't want to be seen as old, they don't want to think of themselves as old, and so they're rejecting anything and anyone that will make them feel or be seen that way. Personally, I don't see 40 as old. But I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who do.
 
Old 04-07-2011, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,297,933 times
Reputation: 22737
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
A lot of people have a hard time coming to terms with their age. It's especially hard if you haven't had to think about in a while. For example, imagine you got married in your 20s. Now that you've been off the market for a while, you haven't had to worry so much about how attractive you are to the opposite sex. It still matters to you, but maybe not as much as when you were single. Flash forward 10-15 years. You're in your 40s, you've put on weight, lost your hair, and just recently divorced. So you step back out onto the dating scene, but it hasn't quite sunk in that you're no longer that 25 year old with the great body, the youthful appearance, etc. that you used to see in the mirror.
Good thing my marriages never lasted long enough for me to let myself go. Not that I'd do it anyway if I can help it... I'm not THE vainest, but I'm vain enough.
 
Old 04-07-2011, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Containment Area, NC
13,078 posts, read 8,037,172 times
Reputation: 10334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
The whole idea of an early 40 yr old guy not wanting to date a woman 5 yrs or so younger is beyond moronic.

To point that I'm sorta embarrassed for the OP....

I'm 41, I'm the OP's age..... if some dude said this shyt to me when we're we having a few beers I'd laugh in his face.........no JOKE.


LOL..... ah.... silliness.... seems to be running rampant.

Agreed. Unless the 41yo never had kids and is really wanting to expand his pool of women who he's sure are less likely to have problems having kids (or even want to have kids), it just makes NO sense.
 
Old 04-07-2011, 11:24 AM
 
7,482 posts, read 8,005,202 times
Reputation: 6233
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Good thing my marriages never lasted long enough for me to let myself go. Not that I'd do it anyway if I can help it... I'm not THE vainest, but I'm vain enough.
It isn't always a matter of letting yourself go. Some people continue to take good care of themselves even after the wedding. They eat right, exercise, don't smoke, avoid excess sun, etc. so that if they do find themselves single again, they're not suddenly at a huge disadvantage. But there's only so much you can do to slow the aging process.

Truthfully, I think a lot of men's hangups about the age of their partner is more mental than physical. They look at their partner and ask themselves "what am I doing with this middle-aged women when I should be out there with some 20something hottie?" Again, I think a lot of it is just for the sake of image. Imagine you're a 45 year old man. You could be with a 40 year old divorced mother of two. Or you could be with a never married 35 year old who has no kids. Assuming everything else is equal, the guy will more often than not prefer the 35 year old because he thinks it will reflect better on him. I remember when I was 25. There's no way I would've been caught dead with a 30 year old single mom because I'd be too worried about what people would say. When you get older, you realize there are far more important things than the opinions of others. Sadly, some men don't reach this point and are still worried about how they'll be perceived by others.
 
Old 04-07-2011, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,297,933 times
Reputation: 22737
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
They look at their partner and ask themselves "what am I doing with this middle-aged women when I should be out there with some 20something hottie?"
He may feel he "should," but the question is whether he "could"!

Having been with much older men all my life, I know how it feels, and even though I'm not in this age range anymore, I don't resent women in their 20's going for men in their 40's.

You knew there was a big "however" coming, didn't you?! The men getting attention from quality women way younger than they are are few and far between! They're either very good-looking, or have great careers (or other sources of above-the-average income), or go for women disadvantaged in one way or another. The first two are often combined. Also, "young" hardly equals "beautiful," particularly in this day and age and in this country! I’m not into youngsters myself, but I like some here and there. I wouldn’t consider some fat slob wearing a baseball cap backwards, covered with tattoos, with a pierced nose, with pants hanging off his as@, living under a bridge a prize just because he happens to be young, though.
 
Old 04-07-2011, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Anchorage, Ak
1,413 posts, read 1,722,133 times
Reputation: 1310
This thread is losing it's comic appeal. We need more outraged, defensive women. Come on ladies, don't let me down.
 
Old 04-07-2011, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,297,933 times
Reputation: 22737
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefetio View Post
This thread is losing it's comic appeal. We need more outraged, defensive women. Come on ladies, don't let me down.
Sorry, I don't care.
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