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I am a 21 year old college grad who lives with her boyfriend of 3 years. I need some outside advice on how to resolve my list of issues:
i feel like i ruin everything
have low self-confidence
get defensive quickly
don't want to admit to stupidity
never think before i do or say things
have a hard time apologizing
stress over small things
mountains out of mole hills
low self-esteem
have low interest in things i used to love
have no girlfriends
act like a child
cry during arguments
too many mood swings
afraid to try new things
afraid of failing
afraid of trying
make life harder for myself and relationship
wait till last minute to do things
have a hard time showing happines
can't stop chewing my nails out of nervousness
can't stop twirling my hair looking like a child
I feel all mixed up and these issues I'm having are making my life more difficult and putting a really big strain on my relationship. And as far as I know, I do not have Borderline Personality Disorder.
one at a time, take it slow. be patient and kind to yourself. if your bf is a positive influence (or at least a neutral one), thats fine... he makes any of these things worse? then dump him.
stop making excuses for yourself and kick your butt into high gear
Well, I'm going to answer your post because I see a lot of myself in your list (at one time or another in my life).
You're 21, I'm guessing *just* graduated college and that's a really hard time. Suddenly, all that work has to mean something and go somewhere. I was the most depressed I ever was in my life immediately graduating college - that summer was hell.
I got a job in October, but it was a hellish job and I felt a lot of what you're feeling. I finally decided I needed to change, to do something different, even if it was risky or crazy - it was better than staying where I was and suffering.
My risky, crazy thing was moving from NJ (where I grew up and lived for 25 years of my life) to Houston, Texas, where I got my first *real* job. Not just that, but I learned soooo much. I gained self-confidence and financial indepedence. Now I was in charge of my life. Now, I've moved to Cleveland this last summer and am buying my first home ever this coming spring. I really feel I wouldn't have gotten this far in life without taking a chance - without changing something. If something in your life is bad, try something new. Try to gain perspective. It's good you made this list. It helps you to see.
I'm still not at my best though - I don't have any girlfriends either, but that's like a casualty of moving to a new state. I don't know anyone but my boyfriend.
PM me if you want to talk!
Last edited by girlzilla; 03-30-2011 at 08:13 PM..
I am a 21 year old college grad who lives with her boyfriend of 3 years. I need some outside advice on how to resolve my list of issues:
i feel like i ruin everything
have low self-confidence
get defensive quickly
don't want to admit to stupidity
never think before i do or say things
have a hard time apologizing
stress over small things
mountains out of mole hills
low self-esteem
have low interest in things i used to love
have no girlfriends
act like a child
cry during arguments
too many mood swings
afraid to try new things
afraid of failing
afraid of trying
make life harder for myself and relationship
wait till last minute to do things
have a hard time showing happines
can't stop chewing my nails out of nervousness
can't stop twirling my hair looking like a child
I feel all mixed up and these issues I'm having are making my life more difficult and putting a really big strain on my relationship. And as far as I know, I do not have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Depression causes a lot of these issues. Have you been evaluated for depression?
Kudos to you for being so honest. It's the first step to change.
There have been threads here about men dating very young women and I've always been against it because there is something about getting into a serious relationship so young that stunts your personal growth. It's a detriment to you & him.
You need to discover your strengths and the only way to do that is to be on your own. Keep dating him if you like, but take this crucial time to learn how to fend for yourself. It's difficult but it's the only way to build self esteem.
I was just going to say the same thing (about you being depressed). This is a long, long list of issues, many of them serious. This is way too vast for anyone here to tackle. Why not see a professional to evaluate your problems? You really need to. Good luck.
Are these issues you think you have or are these issues your bf is telling you that you have?
These are negative traits I recognized I was developing and lately been falling back on out of habit now. My bf has been trying to support me during these times and try to help me see myself in a positive light.
These are negative traits I recognized I was developing and lately been falling back on out of habit now. My bf has been trying to support me during these times and try to help me see myself in a positive light.
Okay - good to know. It's just that thinking you look like a child while twirling your hair sounded more like something someone else would say to you than something you would think of yourself.
I'm with the others. I'd see a therapist. I can't tell you how much seeing a therapist helped me after my father passed away. I didn't even realize I was depressed - my boyfriend made me go. It was such a relief to be able to talk about everything and anything with someone totally unbiased.
Learning to love yourself is the hardest thing in the world - but it's one of the most important. Don't give up on yourself. Try making some lists of your good qualities - don't just focus on what you think are your bad qualities. And do some things that you enjoy just to give yourself a break. Read a good book. Listen to your favorite music. Watch a good movie. Take a long walk. I also loved doing The Artist's Way - it's a book and a life plan of sorts. It helped me tremendously.
Okay - good to know. It's just that thinking you look like a child while twirling your hair sounded more like something someone else would say to you than something you would think of yourself.
I'm with the others. I'd see a therapist. I can't tell you how much seeing a therapist helped me after my father passed away. I didn't even realize I was depressed - my boyfriend made me go. It was such a relief to be able to talk about everything and anything with someone totally unbiased.
Learning to love yourself is the hardest thing in the world - but it's one of the most important. Don't give up on yourself. Try making some lists of your good qualities - don't just focus on what you think are your bad qualities. And do some things that you enjoy just to give yourself a break. Read a good book. Listen to your favorite music. Watch a good movie. Take a long walk. I also loved doing The Artist's Way - it's a book and a life plan of sorts. It helped me tremendously.
It's been suggested that I go to therapy but unfortunately I don't have the money for that now. Right now I don't have a job and what money I have is going to living and bills. I think after I get a steady job I'll seek professional therapy. Right now I'm just looking for advise to start making the steps to help myself.
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