domestic violence

[Cyrano941]

Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe

All I can comment on is myself - one of my earliest memories (maybe 4-5 years old) is my father pinning my mother against the wall and hitting her in the face. I still remember every detail of my sister and I hiding under the table, us both in tears and hysterical. That was the first time we called the police on my father. It wasn't the last.

When I met my wifes family and realized not everyone grew up like my sister and I did, I actually cried.

The trigger for my father was hard liquor + emotional issues he never dealt with (as I found out later). He was the two faced type that's charming, smart (two master degrees), a professional, outgoing, - the very last person you would suspect would go home and terrorize his family. Over time he became less physical and turned towards emotional abuse. Always being insulted, belittled, second guessed, told "you're a fu*king retard" was pretty much nightly.

When I got married I thought it was pretty much over as our relationship changed, plus him wanting to make a good impression on my wife, etc - until the night he came over to visit and I took away his keys! I got tackled into the couch, my moms arm got hit, he destroyed some property, threatened my wife and I to give back the keys. By the time the cops arrived (over an hour later) he was calm and charming. My mom refused to press charges (as always), and cops let him go as long as he left in a cab. Luckily the cops parked with their lights off nearby to complete paperwork, as my father bribed the taxi driver to take him back to his car. He received his first (actually second, he successfully fought off the first decades ago) DWI and spent some time in jail. Upon release he immediately disowned me for about 18 months.

Now that I'm spending time with my sister in laws child, I'm at a complete loss how anyone could put their child (or wife) through that. So count me as someone proud to fall in the "raised in an abusive household, determined to be the exact opposite" category.

That was very touching. My childhood started in a similar fashion but I guess luckily my parents divorced. My dad had alchohol problems too and came up in a household where the MOTHER was domineering and abusive toward a passive FATHER. He vowed not to be like his father and became a monster. Now he as isolated himself from his brothers, sisters, friends, and even children. We still love him but he makes himself impossible to get close to....

[Rich_CD]

Originally Posted by meh_whatever

Part of it was his childhood, part was his personality in general. I think part is indeed some sort of chemical thing.

The chemical thing is a definite. But, everyone has basicaly the same chemical processes going on inside them.

Programming (personality, etc.) is the major culprit. I was able to bench press ~400lbs before I was 20 years old. That's not normal for a person under the age of 20. So, I know I was running on the high end when it comes to hormones, etc. (chemicals). Even so I would not get angry over things that others would. So, I'm fairly sure programming has the most to do with anger.

Now if you're talking about it being a foreign chemical thing, eg; drugs. That's a whole other issue.