should i give up? (date, man, advice, divorced)

[SandyCo]

He behaves the way he does for one of two reasons:

1. He's playing games with you. He does these things solely to get a reaction from you. If he knows his behavior bothers you, and yet he does it, anyway, it could be an issue of keeping control in the relationship. He's doing something you don't like, and yet you're still there even if you complain. Therefore, it's obvious that he has the upper hand. He's comfortable there; why would he willingly relinquish control? He has all the power.

2. If he isn't doing this to get a reaction from you, then he is simply a tool, and doesn't care about you at all except for available sex, etc.

Either way, whichever scenario fits, does it really matter? Your feelings aren't being nurtured, no matter what the reason. Surely you can do better than this guy. I wouldn't be all that thrilled if such a guy wanted to marry me!

[tijlover]

Originally Posted by huafeihua

i've been with my bf for 1 year now, we see each other almost everyday. i love him dearly

he says he sees me as someone he can marry.

Given the rest of your post, I beg you, on bended knees, to be invited to your wedding and also to your 50th wedding anniversary.

I can tell, you love him deerly!

[Smedskjaer]

After reading the first post, I have an answer for you.

Couples Therapy.

You both seem young and you both have some growing up to do. If he is talking with his friends asking for advice, it is a mixed blessing. He is looking for advice just like you because he wants an answer that can keep the two of you together. Work through this together and as the two of you mature, he will be more sensitive and you will stop picking fight. Yes, you are picking fights.

Just give it time and work on it with him.

[cheeerioS]

I say move on. Imagine what will happen once you are married, the problems wont go away, they will probably be more magnified because now are you completely open with each other and wont hold things back. When you are dating someone, you really dont know them until you live with them behind closed doors.

Yes there are still some things in which he is at fault with, and Im sure he has his little quirks that you want to change. But for the most part, you shouldnt want to change your partner's personality or behavior. You cant change a person (yes you can change the superficial things like how they dress or small things), but things like their personality and values and the way they act/think is IMPOSSSIBLE to change (and you shouldnt change because you have to love them for who they already are). If you are having trepidations about the relationship now, imagine how it will be the longer you are with him. So I say do yourself a favor and truly evaluate if you want to be with this guy. You are both in your 30s and you both dont have time to just sit around and wait, so I say take action and maybe move on.

[Professor Griff]

Don't you have another thread about him not giving an acceptable answer to a "hypothetical" pregnancy question? It seems you're ready to move on and looking for confirmation. Just do it already!!

[donie1]

Originally Posted by huafeihua

i know sounds unbelievable, but we are both in our middle 30's

he's divorced with a daughter

Holy crap! No way! You have another post that you might be pregnant. We all thought and even on this post thought you both were in your teens.

I can't believe how childish both of you are at that age!

[Smedskjaer]

Originally Posted by donie1

I can't believe how childish both of you are at that age!

If you only knew....

[Checkered24]

Originally Posted by huafeihua

i've been with my bf for 1 year now, we see each other almost everyday. i love him dearly, but he can be insenstive and say/do stupid things to make me upset(e.g. serch hot coworkers on fb , click on girls pictures he finds attractive on fb etc) when i'm upset, i alwasy let him know and blame him of being wrong. so he sees it as that i " pick up fights" with him.

there are times i'm just being insecure and overeact to some small things too( e.g, when i need to go in a store pick up some stuff he just refuse to go in with me, rather waiting in the car, then i get upset) which i realize thats something i need to work on too.

he says he sees me as someone he can marry. i've met some of his friends and his mom.

so lately, he told him friend that he's still dating me and that he doesn't know " where are things going" with me. that we've " not been getting along"

i was crushed.... i dont even know if i should continue seeing this person who's not sure about me while i wanted to make every effort to make this relationship working.

I cannot honestly evaluate whether you should stick with this guy or move on from these observations. There is too little to go on.

How do you guys communicate? It sounds like you are not able to talk these things through without a fight, which IMO is not a good sign. Marriage is going to require a lot of work, give and take, and working things out. If you fight over facebook picture gazing, or running into a store vs waiting in a car, then your going to have big problems when real issues with big implications arrise unless you can work together to compromise and get through issues.

If you are feeling he is incensitive, then try and communicate that to him. See what he replies with.

BTW, it sounds like you are ready for a commitment and he isn't. "Could marry" is a long way from "want to marry" or "will marry."

Good luck!

[AZ_Desert]

This is just how I work....I tell a man he's insulted or hurt me, it stops or I go. Simple.
You seem very confused and I just think you need to lay it all out. Tell him like it is, leave and let him sleep on it. If you mean enough to him he'll work on it otherwise he won't.

Now, if he does come back apologizing and claims to change and starts it all over again, then dudes gotta go for good!

Best of luck!

[PJSinger]

I agree with those who said to move on. This guy doesn't deserve the time of day from you.

I, too, was shocked to learn that you are both in your 30s. Your OP seems like it was written by a young teen. That aside, you can do better than your current bf. Don't invest your emotion and devotion in him any longer. Be open to meeting new people, and do not settle for someone who does not respect your feelings.

Best of luck to you.