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Old 04-06-2011, 03:45 PM
 
29 posts, read 38,454 times
Reputation: 22
Default should i give up?

i've been with my bf for 1 year now, we see each other almost everyday. i love him dearly, but he can be insenstive and say/do stupid things to make me upset(e.g. serch hot coworkers on fb , click on girls pictures he finds attractive on fb etc) when i'm upset, i alwasy let him know and blame him of being wrong. so he sees it as that i " pick up fights" with him.

there are times i'm just being insecure and overeact to some small things too( e.g, when i need to go in a store pick up some stuff he just refuse to go in with me, rather waiting in the car, then i get upset) which i realize thats something i need to work on too.

he says he sees me as someone he can marry. i've met some of his friends and his mom.

so lately, he told him friend that he's still dating me and that he doesn't know " where are things going" with me. that we've " not been getting along"

i was crushed.... i dont even know if i should continue seeing this person who's not sure about me while i wanted to make every effort to make this relationship working.
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:53 PM
 
2,903 posts, read 3,268,423 times
Reputation: 6102
You should like you are both very young. How old are you? The behavior you describe wouldn't even be acceptable if you were both 16, but anything above that... no way. Your BF sounds like he has the maturity level of a Jr. High kid.

Literally. So if you're 16, hang with it. If you're not, move on.
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,024 posts, read 53,989,860 times
Reputation: 36691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
You should like you are both very young. How old are you? The behavior you describe wouldn't even be acceptable if you were both 16, but anything above that... no way. Your BF sounds like he has the maturity level of a Jr. High kid.

Literally. So if you're 16, hang with it. If you're not, move on.

Gotta agree. Neither of these people sound ready for a real grownup relationship.
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:59 PM
 
29 posts, read 38,454 times
Reputation: 22
i know sounds unbelievable, but we are both in our middle 30's

he's divorced with a daughter
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Old 04-06-2011, 04:02 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,172 posts, read 2,173,666 times
Reputation: 2381
Quote:
Originally Posted by huafeihua View Post
i've been with my bf for 1 year now, we see each other almost everyday. i love him dearly, but he can be insenstive and say/do stupid things to make me upset(e.g. serch hot coworkers on fb , click on girls pictures he finds attractive on fb etc) when i'm upset, i alwasy let him know and blame him of being wrong. so he sees it as that i " pick up fights" with him.

there are times i'm just being insecure and overeact to some small things too( e.g, when i need to go in a store pick up some stuff he just refuse to go in with me, rather waiting in the car, then i get upset) which i realize thats something i need to work on too.

he says he sees me as someone he can marry. i've met some of his friends and his mom.

so lately, he told him friend that he's still dating me and that he doesn't know " where are things going" with me. that we've " not been getting along"

i was crushed.... i dont even know if i should continue seeing this person who's not sure about me while i wanted to make every effort to make this relationship working.
If you are not happy with those things he is doing, you will never be. Also, he does not seem to care how you feel about it.

Look into the future and be honest with yourself. Do you think it will be a happy life with him the next 30+ years. Do you want this type of husband as a father for your kids. They will see how he respects your emotions and as a human being.

The problem with many women is that wome seem to be in denail and hope the guy will change. I got news for you. He will not! Well, potentially he could but to me the odds are very much against it. Countless women can tell you that. So take your pick, get rid of him now or pay the price later when you decide to leave him and regreet wasting your time, possibly years, with him.

You made a comment on insecurity. You need to work on that. Insecure people tend to get abused in some form or another or tend to be doormats for others. You have your qualities and your weaknesses just like all of us. Be proud of who you are and if someone does not appreciate that, then there is no need for you to waste your time with anybody that does not accepts you for who you are. This applies in romance, friendship, and work environment. That does not mean you cannot do personal assessments and work on areas you know you can improve yourself as a human being and other areas of your life. Do not allow areas of improvement in your life make you feel insecure. They only mean you can become better and better, take care.
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Old 04-06-2011, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,024 posts, read 53,989,860 times
Reputation: 36691
Quote:
Originally Posted by huafeihua View Post
i know sounds unbelievable, but we are both in our middle 30's

he's divorced with a daughter

WOW. In that case honey, you need some help. You are way past the age when you should be so insecure about yourself and your life.

And because you are not emotionally healthy this is the kind of guy who you are going to attract. And trust me, he's no prize and has his own issues.

My suggestion is to look for a life coach or therapist you can work with to overcome whatever is keeping you from having the kind of life you want
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Old 04-06-2011, 04:12 PM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 2,177,629 times
Reputation: 1793
Quote:
Originally Posted by huafeihua View Post
i know sounds unbelievable, but we are both in our middle 30's

he's divorced with a daughter
look for another guy. this one is nothing but heartache.
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:46 PM
 
9,717 posts, read 6,371,612 times
Reputation: 9765
No-one ever has to put up with someone who is insensitve, and thoughtless of their feelings...unless they want to...do you??
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,531 posts, read 14,227,430 times
Reputation: 4602
Quote:
Originally Posted by huafeihua View Post
i've been with my bf for 1 year now, we see each other almost everyday. i love him dearly, but he can be insenstive and say/do stupid things to make me upset(e.g. serch hot coworkers on fb , click on girls pictures he finds attractive on fb etc) when i'm upset, i alwasy let him know and blame him of being wrong. so he sees it as that i " pick up fights" with him.

there are times i'm just being insecure and overeact to some small things too( e.g, when i need to go in a store pick up some stuff he just refuse to go in with me, rather waiting in the car, then i get upset) which i realize thats something i need to work on too.

he says he sees me as someone he can marry. i've met some of his friends and his mom.

so lately, he told him friend that he's still dating me and that he doesn't know " where are things going" with me. that we've " not been getting along"

i was crushed.... i dont even know if i should continue seeing this person who's not sure about me while i wanted to make every effort to make this relationship working.
You need to slow down, way way down.

You make no sense, have you read the ramble you tried to type?

Sounds as thou you really over react. Also you read very young. I would guess you will go thru this again a few times with other men.

Most people in healthy relationships learn to ignore crap. We all do it, it just flows out of the mouth. If you take everything to heart you will die young and broken hearted. You have to listen less, hard to do I know. You have to know the person you love and see between the lines.

By the way, would you share the crap you typed about him with him???
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:34 PM
 
2,596 posts, read 2,573,521 times
Reputation: 3877
The truth is, if this guy cared about your feelings, he would not search for hot coworkers on Facebook. He would not search for hot girls on Facebook and click on their pictures. He especially would not keep doing it after you said it bothered you the first time. The fact that he keeps doing it? That lets you know he doesn't really care about you and/or is too immature to be in a relationship with someone. What you are describing is the way a 16 year old boy behaves, not a mid-30's man with a daughter.

What you see is what you get. If you don't like the immature boy model, throw this one back.
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